Go Back   Planet MADtv > Our Database > MADtv Repository > MADtv Transcripts
Register Members List Mark Forums Read

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools
  #1  
Old 05/21/2004, 1:13 PM
newt007's Avatar
newt007 Male newt007 is offline
Hawt bytch
Staff Alumnus
 
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: Rensselaer, NY
Posts: 2,066
Default Bible Dude: Greed During Christmas (#810)

Bible Dude- Michael McDonald
Mother- Mo Collins
Father- Paul Vogt
Lia- Stephnie Weir
Caleb- Frank Caliendo
Jesus- Aries Spears
Egyptian Princess- Debra Wilson


(PAX logo)

Narrator: You're watching PAX. Why aren't you in church?

(Family celebrating Christmas)

Mother: (hands present to Father) Merry Christmas, my husband, my shepherd.

Father: (takes present) Merry Christmas, my wife, my sheep. And Lia... Do you like your present?

Lia: (unwraps gift) Oh, it's just what I prayed for... A 'Stone the Sinner' board game! (shows game)

Father: And Caleb, how 'bout you? Do you like that nifty new sweater vest?

Caleb: I'm as happy as King Solemn. I love it! (talks in head: I asked for a GREEN sweater vest, not a brown one. I don't mean to complain, but I look better in green, better in green, better in green) (looks in camera and has tears coming out of eyes)

Narrator: Uh oh! This looks like a job for Bible Dude!

(Song plays)
Bible Dude, Bible Dude (flying in air)
Gets you into a praying mood (REPENT!)
He can soar (ATONE!)
Through the air (flying)
Like the Red sea, he parts his hair (hair turns from messed up to parted)
Look out (THOU SHALT NOT CONVET!)
Here comes that Bible Dude! (dances with Bible)

Narrator: Tonight's Episode: "And amongst thy cities which ye shall give unto the Levites there shall be six cities, which ye shall appoint for the manslayer, that he may flee thither, and to them ye shall add thy forty and two cities. Amen."

Bible Dude: (in church, putting together a Christmas figurine with a Black baby Jesus and black wise men) (buzzer goes off) It's the boss! (opens secret compartment behind wall where Jesus is accessible to talk to in Heaven)

Jesus: What's happening Matthew?

Bible Dude: Happy birthday, Jesus.

Jesus: So, what'd you get me?

Bible Dude: My eternal love and devotion.

Jesus: Aweee Sh-- Man, I was hopin' for an XBox. You know, the graphics on Tony Hawk's Pro Skater are awesome.

Lincoln: Hey birthday boy, we're out of ice.

Jesus: (makes ice appear in bucket) So, here's the deal, man. There's a kid on Magnolia Street that wants a different color sweater vest.

Bible Dude: (gasp) Coveting another color. (looks in camera) That's almost as bad as one man laying down with another.

Jesus: Whoa, whoa. Easy, bro.

Egyptian Princess: (walks up with present) Jesus, I brought you something.

Jesus: It's a George Foreman Grill. I don't want it.

(Bible Dude starts flying)

(Now, back at the families house, the family is playing the 'Stone the Sinner' board game)

Lia: (moves pieces on board) Awe, snickerdoodle! I landed on baring false witness against thy neighbor!

Mother + Father: Stone the sinner! (they begin to throw large stones at Lia, angrily)

Lia: Owww. (tries to protect herself)

(Caleb frowning)

Father: Caleb, you didn't stone your sister. What's wrong?

Caleb: Nothing! (angry)

Bible Dude: (in background) Liar!

(Everyone looks one way, expecting Bible Dude) (Bible Dude pops in the other side)

Bible Dude: Over here, folks.

Whole Family: Bible Dude!!

Bible Dude: Caleb, are you sure there isn't something you'd like to tell your parents about the color of your sweater vest?

Caleb: No, everything's perfect. Brown's my favorite color.

Bible Dude: Careful Caleb... Fibbing buys you a first class ticket on Satan's bad time train. But, I've got a ticket to the truth. (opens Bible) 1 Chronicles 6:11. "And Azariah beget Amariah, and Amariah beget Ahitub, and Ahitub beget Zadok, and Zadok beget Shallum, and Shallum beget Hilkiah, and Hilkiah beget Phinehas, and Phinehas beget Abishua. (closes Bible)

Caleb: Wait, I get it. You're saying the real spirit of Christmas isn't about what color sweater vest you beget. It's about God's love that you begettin'.

Bible Dude: Exactly.

Lia: Bible Dude, how did you know about the sweater vest?

Bible Dude: I see you when your sleeping. I know when you're awake.

Mother: Just like Santa Claus.

(Bible Dude points Bible at the mother, where big volts of lightning strike her, turning her into only a skeleton)

Lia: (stands up) Now we don't have a mother!

Father: (stands up) Don't worry, Lia. This is God's way of opening the door to my alternative lifestyle. I'm going to marry my golfing buddy, Carl.

(Lia ducks down so that Bible Dude can electrocute the Father, turning him into a skeleton)

Bible Dude: Merry Christmas!

(Song)
Look out
Here comes that Bible Dude (Flying in air with Bible in mouth)

(PAX logo)

__________________
TRIPOD: LYZZA ROBBEH NIK

Selena Luna = Best. Castmember. Ever.

Last edited by newt007; 09/24/2005 at 9:17 PM.
Reply With Quote




  #2  
Old 05/21/2004, 5:59 PM
funny_guy's Avatar
funny_guy Male funny_guy is offline
26/07/16!!
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 1,441
Default Re: Bible Dude: Greed During Christmas (#810)

Quote:
Originally posted by newt007
Like the Rezi, he parts his hair
I think its: "Like the Red Sea....." listen to it again and see what you think.

__________________
-------"The real funny beneath the funny"-------
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 05/21/2004, 6:03 PM
Scorpiogrrl4405's Avatar
Scorpiogrrl4405 Female Scorpiogrrl4405 is offline
Totally F****able
 
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: Washington State
Posts: 7,399
its "like the red sea he parts his hair"

__________________
I would rather sit here and accomplish nothing than accomplish something and be considered an inspiration and a role model simply because I use a wheelchair to get around.
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 06/16/2004, 7:29 PM
ef_7's Avatar
ef_7 Male ef_7 is offline
don't eat another nut...
Staff Alumnus
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Canada
Posts: 6,133
Quote:
Originally posted by newt007
Egyptian Princess- Debra Wilson
Debra played Cleopatra :meeeeowww:

__________________


"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" ~ Raven

I Swear To God I'm Not Insane!

"The world needs humour like it needs love" ~ Debra Wilson

P.F.F ~ Puddin' Fans Forever!
__________________
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 06/17/2004, 3:00 AM
PAULfan's Avatar
PAULfan Male PAULfan is offline
Sing: "Fanta! Fanta!"
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Orlando, FL
Posts: 316
This sketch was a riot.

Father: "Caleb, you didn't stone your sister. What's wrong?"

So funny... and wrong.
Reply With Quote
View Post Old 08/22/2004, 2:34 AM
Andres
This message is hidden because Andres was banned from the site.
  #7  
Old 08/22/2004, 11:48 AM
ef_7's Avatar
ef_7 Male ef_7 is offline
don't eat another nut...
Staff Alumnus
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Canada
Posts: 6,133
I love Mo's facial expressions when shes stoning Stephnie... LOL


__________________


"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" ~ Raven

I Swear To God I'm Not Insane!

"The world needs humour like it needs love" ~ Debra Wilson

P.F.F ~ Puddin' Fans Forever!
__________________
Reply With Quote
Reply




Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump
 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
[MADtv] Will Sasso Brings the Christmas Cheer in "Arthur's Christmas" Miss Information Front Page News 0 11/07/2011 11:30 PM
[MADtv] Bible Dude Miss Information MADtv Characters 12 09/06/2005 4:06 PM
[MADtv] Bible Dude: Choir Boy and Teen Pop Music (#1011) AngelasBraces MADtv Transcripts 3 06/29/2005 11:37 PM
[MADtv] Bible Dude: Video Games (#1022) newt007 MADtv Transcripts 0 05/31/2005 3:51 PM
[MADtv] Bible Dude: Teen Party (#804) hellahellalala MADtv Transcripts 2 12/30/2004 10:59 AM

All times are GMT -6. The time now is 12:50 PM.