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#1
10/15/2002, 7:08 PM
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Midnight Golfer (#105)
Synopsis:
This is a sketch from the early days of MADtv about an office worker (Bryan Callen) commenting on a co-worker (Artie Lange) to another co-worker (Phil LaMarr). The catch is, Bryan uses a variety of euphemisms that Phil doesn't understand. Cast: BC: Bryan Callen (Office Worker A) PL: Phil LaMarr (Office Worker B) AL: Artie Lange (Roger) Script: BC: Hey, check out the shirt Roger's wearing today. PL: Yeah. Nice shirt. BC: You know what I heard about Roger? PL: What? BC: The guy's a midnight golfer. PL: What? BC: He's a midnight golfer -- Roger. PL: He's a midnight golfer, he likes to golf at night? BC: Yeah, he's a midnight golfer. PL: I don't know what you mean. BC: Roger's a window jockey. PL: What are you talking about? BC: He's got an above-ground pool, know I'm saying? PL: No. BC: His peanut butter's a little crunchy. [Phil looks puzzled] BC: He learned metric years ago; the guy's hat's got no brim. [Phil looks puzzled] BC: The guy works in a paperclip factory. His bus has no seats. PL: What are you saying!? BC: Roger. PL: Yeah. BC: The guy over there. PL: Yes. BC: He's got a sink full of turtlenecks. He's a weather baby; his lawnmower runs on ginger ale. PL: WHAT!? BC: The guy has got a license to farm in the city. He stuffs his turkey with marbles. [Phil looks puzzled] BC: He's got a bowl full of magic markers in his garage. [Phil looks puzzled] BC: The guy wears sunglasses in the sauna; he's a four-way mirror; he's a cup full of rocks. [Phil looks puzzled] AL: Hey! You guys talking about me? PL: No, no, no. AL: Yes you were -- I heard what you were saying. PL: He said it! He said all those things about you! I didn't say anything! AL: Yeah, and I just wanted to let you know I appreciate it man, thanks for all the compliments. That was nice of you. BC: I meant 'em all too; you're a really nice guy. AL: Alright man. PL: Well hey, Roger, I think that you've got all your lamps in one submarine! AL: What'd you say to me? PL: I said you've got all your lamps in one submarine... AL: You callin' me gay? PL: Uh, no, I--I don't think so. BC: You said he had all his lamps in one submarine! AL: Where do you get off calling me gay? PL: I--I don't! I-- BC: And so what if he was, huh? You've got a real problem, you know that? You've got a real problem. [BC & AL begin to leave] PL: No! I didn't know what I was saying, I didn't mean that! I meant that you... are a midnight golfer! __________________ /bw |
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You are a god!
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#4
10/16/2002, 7:55 AM
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LOL good one! I haven't seen that one in sooo long.
__________________ In honor of Family Guy possibly returning... Security Guard: All right son, we're gonna need those two hams back. Chris: Huh? I don't have any hams. Guard: Lift up your shirt, son. Chris: I need an adult! I need an adult! Guard: You're not a shoplifter, you're just a fat kid. Sorry about that fatty fat fatty. Hey Tom, he's just a fat kid! Aren't you, fatty? You're just a big ol' fat kid. Here's some chocolate, fatso. Chris: Thanks! ************* Lois: Oh, honey, no one thinks you're fat. Lifeguard: I'm sorry ma'am, you can't park your van on the diving board. Lois: This is my son! Lifeguard: Oh. My apologies. Hey Tom! He's not a van, he's just a fat kid! --Family Guy |
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#5
10/16/2002, 3:20 PM
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Quote:
On a related note, I've turned off post moderation for the Sketch Transcripts forum. It wasn't supposed to be enabled at all. My bad. 
__________________ /bw |
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#6
05/21/2003, 12:26 AM
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so anyone know the **OFFICIAL** name of this sketch anyways?
...or is it just missing from the guide? __________________ As always, please look over the most recent episode guide here and let us know of any additions or corrections. Thank you. |
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#7
05/21/2003, 1:34 PM
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It's missing from the guide, much like many other early sketches. Check your tapes -- it's wedged between "Lowered Expectations-Nicole" and "IZM-Drug Deal", if memory serves.
__________________ /bw |
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#8
05/21/2003, 10:15 PM
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Quote:
__________________ As always, please look over the most recent episode guide here and let us know of any additions or corrections. Thank you. |
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