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Old 08/21/2005, 9:40 PM
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Default Backstage at Cats (#105)

Dan- Bryan Callen
Alicia- Mary Scheer
Tabitha- Nicole Sullivan
Manager- Orlando

(Setting: Backstage at the play, Cats. Alicia and Tabitha are getting ready)

Manager: Three minutes to curtain, people. Three minutes to curtain.

Alicia: So, Tabitha, how was your brother's wedding? Reach up, turn out.

Tabitha: It was good. It was good. It was small, you know. The kind of wedding I hope Dan and I have one day. And 5, 6, punch the 8.

Alicia: No. Pop the head.

Tabitha: Oh, pop the head. Ok, got it. Good.

Alicia: You really think you and Dan will get married? Step, kick, scratch the fleas, spin, and collapse.

Tabitha: Nice spin and collapse. Maybe not tomorrow, but someday, I hope. 3, 4, slide to 5. Slide to 5. What's wrong, Alicia? And 1, 2, 3, 4.

Alicia: I have to tell you something.

[Both: Pounce.]

Tabitha: I don't know how to say it.

[Both: Claws and retract. Claws and retract.]

Tabitha: What is it? Kick, ball, change. Kick, ball, change and kick.

Alicia: The other night after the show, Dan and I went to callbacks for a drink.

[Both: Fun, strut, fun, strut, hip.]

Tabitha: Lick and pat and arch on 4. Ok and?

Alicia: And we both got really drunk, and I know it was a huge mistake, but we ended up sleeping together. I'm so sorry, Tabitha.

Tabitha: Oh, my god.

Alicia: Second position to fifth and cross the feet.

Tabitha: Big eyes, retract. Big eyes and down. My best friend just slammed my boyfriend? This is unbelievable.

Alicia: And I hate myself for it. Skip, skip, and wink.

Tabitha: Yeah, well, I hate you, too. You've ruined my life.

Alicia: You know what kind of guy Dan is.

[Both: Shimmy, shimmy, shimmy, hit.]

Alicia: My left toe pointing enough?

Tabitha: It looks good. 5, 6, 7, hot! I also know the kind of two-faced bitch you are.

Alicia: Dan came on to me. Ok? Let's get that straight.

Tabitha: Up, down, down, down.

Alicia: Up, down, down, down.

Dan: (walks in room) Up, down, down, down. Hey, girls, what's up?

Tabitha: Don't even waste your breath, you jerk. Did you sleep with Alicia?

(Dan stares at both girls)

Dan: And cat strut everybody! All right, I did, but I am so sorry. Jazz hands! I will regret it for the rest of my life. Handstand.

Alicia: Open. Just tell her the truth, Dan. Down.

Tabitha: The truth? The truth about what? Spot me.

Dan: Up, spin, and release. Nothing.

Alicia: That's not what he said Saturday night. He said you were frigid in the sack.

Dan: I didn't say frigid.

Alicia: Angellico moon.

Dan: Angellico moon.

Tabitha: Angellico moon. You make me sick. Paw, paw, headlight, scatter.

Dan: The whole thing is not what you think.

Tabitha: How could you say that? She's already admitted it.

Manager: (walks in) Places, cats. Places, people!

Tabitha: Good show, everyone.

Alicia: Break a paw.

(They hug)

Dan: Cat grins.

(They walk on stage)
[Overture begins]


Selena Luna = Best. Castmember. Ever.
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