Go Back   Planet MADtv > Our Database > MADtv Repository > MADtv Transcripts
Register Members List Mark Forums Read

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools
  #1  
Old 08/21/2005, 4:52 AM
newt007's Avatar
newt007 Male newt007 is offline
Hawt bytch
Staff Alumnus
 
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: Rensselaer, NY
Posts: 2,066
Default Monologue: Nicole Speaks About Ejaculation (#108)

Nicole- herself


(Nicole is standing on main stage)

Nicole: Hi, Iím Nicole Sullivan.

[Applause]

Nicole: Thanks. You know what Iím sick to death of? Is guys who go into sex with this Iím holding-Back attitude as if it's a competition to see how long they can make it last. "It's ok, baby. I can go on forever." Ok, listen. God engineered the male species to release his seed as often and as quickly as possible. And since I am a very spiritual person... When foreplay lasts any longer than the organ solo on the doors' light my fire, I consider it sacrilege. Ok, think about it. The success and dominance of the human race on this planet is based on proliferation. Ok, if cavemen had held back, they would've been ripped to shreds by a saber-toothed tiger before they could reproduce, right? Therefore, there is no such thing as being too fast on the draw. You're just being plain old efficient. All week, I tape my favorite shows. I don't get to watch them till Saturday or Sunday. I mean, the last thing I need is some guy wasting my whole weekend with sex. I mean, for crying out loud, let's get it over and move on E.R. Ok? Believe me, the sincerest form of flattery is when a guy is so excited he can't contain himself. Every 10 seconds, a man in this country commits an expeditious emission. And to me, that is not nearly often enough. Let's all work together on this one. It'll be easier than you think. I'm Nicole. Thanks for listening. Bye-Bye.

__________________
TRIPOD: LYZZA ROBBEH NIK

Selena Luna = Best. Castmember. Ever.
Reply With Quote




  #2  
Old 03/26/2009, 2:04 PM
tvmanismadformad's Avatar
tvmanismadformad Male tvmanismadformad is offline
It's gonna happen
Contributing Editor
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 3,751
I love this one (and I think mizzi does too) because it taught me that if I ever wanted to get Nicole, all I have to do is take her to a quickie hot dog stand, take her to see one of those how to make videos because those aren't usually that long, and then finish sex fast so she can watch E.R at the foot of the bed satisfied that I didn't waste her weekend. I'm getting ready for a Western stand off just thinking about it.

__________________

Rise from the Dead!

Planet MADtv (August 28th 2002- August 28th 2009, August 28th 2010)
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 03/26/2009, 9:36 PM
mizzimad Male mizzimad is offline
"You, sir, are sissified"
Staff Alumnus
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Florida
Posts: 4,062
And of course there's that eensy-weensy, minor detail about getting past her husband, as well as that other miniscule, insignificant detail about your being underage. But hey, if you can accomplish what countless phone calls, e-mails, ignored restraining orders, and "chance encounters" on the L.A. streets failed to do for me, then lotsa luck.

[first major shock of 2009]And yes, mizzi loves this monologue too. Mizzi do, mizzi do.[/first major shock of 2009]

__________________
"Charles Nelson Reilly is a bad mutha...."
"Shut yo' mouth!"
"I'm talkin' 'bout Macho Chuck."
"We can dig it!"
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 03/26/2009, 11:11 PM
tvmanismadformad's Avatar
tvmanismadformad Male tvmanismadformad is offline
It's gonna happen
Contributing Editor
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 3,751
Yeah, but mizz you're forgetting something. This is a detailed plan of what Nicole wants sex wise. This should be preserved in the Smithsonian under the "how to get the most perfect girl in the world" section.

__________________

Rise from the Dead!

Planet MADtv (August 28th 2002- August 28th 2009, August 28th 2010)
Reply With Quote
Reply




Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump
 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Saturday-Night-Live.com Speaks Out On MADtv and MADtv Fans!!!! Jericho General Discussion 80 05/29/2006 1:22 PM
[MADtv] Monologue: Maryís Tapeworm (#107) newt007 MADtv Transcripts 0 08/21/2005 10:42 PM
[MADtv] Monologue: Nicole Sullivan's First (#101) newt007 MADtv Transcripts 0 08/16/2005 10:33 PM
[MADtv] UBS Guy: Thanksgiving Monologue (#409) newt007 MADtv Transcripts 0 12/16/2004 3:18 PM
[MADtv] Monologue: Nicole Sullivan - Party of Five (#106) MysterE MADtv Transcripts 2 07/30/2004 5:53 PM

All times are GMT -6. The time now is 1:16 AM.