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Old 08/21/2005, 4:06 AM
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Default Monologue: Mary’s Adult A.D.D. #1-2 (#103)

Nicole- Herself
Debra- Herself
Orlando- Himself
Mary- Herself
Bryan- Himself
David- Himself
Phil- Himself
Artie- Himself

Part 1:

(On the main stage, Orlando, Debra and Nicole stand)

Debra: Hey, everybody, welcome to MADtv.

Nicole: Yeah.

Debra: We'll get to the funny stuff in a minute, but we have a very serious side, too. That's why we're taking a risk by pausing for a special, up-front talk about a disease afflicting many adult Americans. It's called attention deficit disorder, or A.D.D. Now, instead of bringing out some professional who'll put you through some dry, boring lecture, one of our own cast members was not only courageous enough to come forward and admit she has A.D.D., but she's going to talk about how she's overcome it. Ladies and gentlemen, put your hands together for Mary Scheer.

Nicole: Mary. Mary!

Orlando: Mary. Mary!

(Mary walks on stage and Orlando, Nicole and Debra exit the stage)

Mary: Well, ok. Here goes. As Debra probably mentioned, I have attention deficit disorder. It's a disease that's been misunderstood for decades. That's where we get the classic hyperactive child, nervous teenager, and fidgety adult. But A.D.D. does not have to lessen the quality of your life. There are some benefits to it-- Increased creativity, intuition, even periods of extreme focus and lucidity. I know that's certainly helped me with my acting career, which I began back in Detroit. They have great submarine sandwiches there, except they're called grinders. I worked at a grinder stand in college. Oh, college was cool. There was a problem with overcrowding when I was a freshman, so my dorm was actually the third floor of an upperclassmen dorm. But--You know that the upperclassmen were always buying blocks of concert tickets and scalping them to the underclassmen? But I saw some really great shows. Elvis Costello came through right after King of America came out. Ooh, so this guy in our hall, Jay Kasberger, had these binoculars. Well, they looked like binoculars, but they were hollow, and you could put booze in them. Is that how I’m coming out in that monitor? (looks off stage) Oh, you know, there are certain clothes that you can't wear on television. Really bright whites or vertical stripes, they just don't look good. You should see this costume I’m wearing in this sketch I’m in later. Just a minute. Oh... (walks off stage)

(Debra walks on stage)

Debra: Um, ok, I guess the first part told you a little about what A.D.D. Is--

Mary: (walks back on stage with a tomato costume) I'm playing a tomato!

Debra: Mary, what are you doing?

Mary: What?

Debra: You're supposed to talk about A.D.D. and where people can write for information.

Mary: Oh, right. Sorry. So, for more information on A.D.D., write the... “A.D.D. Information Clearing House P.O. Box… Hey, moths! (walks off stage in amusement)

Part 2:

(The cast is on stage, except for Mary).

Debra: Before we say goodnight. Let's bring out Mary Scheer

Bryan: Come on out Mary!

Phil: Mary! (Mary comes out) Just say goodnight to the viewers.

Mary: Oh ok. Well looks like our times up...

Nicole: Keep in mind, this is only 7 seconds.

Mary: Ok. Let me do it. Alright?

David: Go, Go.

Mary: Fine, alright. Getting back to thinking you for tuning in. Thanks for tuning in. Oh, speaking of tune, my old friends are playing at The Old Bailey tonight, and there this 3 piece outfit. Oh, I got the cutest outfit last week. Now that in itself isn't that exciting, but I got it way cheap. I think it got put on the discount rack by accident, so I kind of lucked out there. Have you ever seen the movie 29th Street, that's sort of about luck. You know, I think it's always been a little underrated. You know, movies nowadays, (the cast begins to leave) I, I think they try to get an NC-17, just to generate controversy so they will make more money than they normally would, and you know show business shouldn't be about money it should be about art. Oh, like Art Carney. Now there is a talented actor. Did you know that he played Felix Unger in the original Broadway version of The Odd Couple? Yeah, not a lot of people know that but. Oh, getting back to what I was originally saying about thanking you for tuning in. You know I think we as a cast are really starting to bond, and I'm so glad you're watching week after week to see it happen. Oh, I went to this marathon screening of Bond films last week, Oh my gosh I forgot how ridiculous some of those women's names were, like Dr. Goodhead, Plenty O'Tool, oh, and who could forget Holly Goodnight. That reminds me. Goodnight.

(Mary leaves the stage)


Selena Luna = Best. Castmember. Ever.

Last edited by tvmanismadformad; 07/05/2009 at 4:43 AM. Reason: Part 2 Added
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