[MADtv] The Vancome Lady (#101)

[MJB12]

VANCOME LADY (#101)
Part One length - 2:29
Part Two length - :57

Kathy..........................NICOLE SULLIVAN
Boss...........................MARY SCHEER
Male Customer............PHIL LAMARR
Female customers.......extras
News Anchor...............DAVID HERMAN

KATHY: Hi, welcome to Vancome. How may I help you?

FEMALE #1: Hi, I'm looking to buy a lipstick.



KATHY: Well, we have our newest color right out of the rose, let me try this on you-....tcha, you know what? Uh-uh. Yeah, I'm sorry, your lips are just way too thin. See, we here at Vancome wouldn't really be comfortable putting our names on those. Well, thanks for stopping by Vancome. Thanks, bye. Thanks, yeah, bye. (to new customer) Hi, welcome to Vancome, how may I help you?

MALE CUSTOMER: I'm looking for a gift for my wife.

KATHY: Well, aren't you just so considerate! Let me ask you a question...is your wife an Afro-American as well?

MALE CUSTOMER: Yeah she is.



KATHY: Tcha, you know what? Uh-uh. Yeah, that's not going to work. See, we here at Vancome don't specialize in blacks. But thanks so much for stopping by! Yeah, bye! OK, thank you. (to new customer) Hi, welcome to Vancome. How may I help you?

FEMALE #2 (with accent): Yes, I would like to look at your different colors of blush. I have a party to go to, and-

KATHY: Okay, ma'am? I don't understand your accent.

FEMALE #2: Sorry. I have a party to go to, and-

KATHY: Okay, ma'am. We speak English here at Vancome. English!

FEMALE #2: But I am speaking English!

KATHY: No, okay, you're going to have to go. Bamanos. Por favor. Thank you, bye. I can't understand! (covering ears) La, la, la, la! La, la, la, la! I can't hear you. La, la, la, la! (boss enters)

BOSS: Kathy? What is going on here?

FEMALE #1: I can tell you exactly what's happening. She's bean mean to this poor woman, she made racial remarks, she's treated her horribly, and earlier she insulted me.



BOSS: I am terribly sorry. Kathy, this isn't the first time this has happened. I'm going to have to ask you to leave...you're fired.

KATHY (after pause): Okay. Thanks so much for employing me at Vancome. Thanks so much. Bye, thank you, bye. Okay, great. Bye. (exits)

BOSS: Okay, now what can I do for you?

FEMALE #2: Yes, I would like to look at your different colors of blush.

BOSS: I'm sorry, ma'am. I can't understand your accent. We speak English here at Vancome.

FEMALE #2: I am speaking English! What is the matter with you people?

BOSS (covering ears): La, la, la, la, la, la!!

~~~~~~~PART TWO~~~~~~~~~~~

Fox News @ Midnight

ANNOUNCER: Coming up on the Fox News at midnight.



ANCHOR: A 911 operator abandons a desperate plea for help. Here is the actual recorded call to 911.

KATHY (voice): Hi, thanks for calling 911. How may I help you?

CALLER (screaming): He's in my house! HELP ME!

KATHY: You know what, we here at 911 don't like to be yelled at. You're going to have to tell whoever's shooting the gun to please quiet down.

CALLER: PLEASE! He's in my house!

KATHY: Tcha, you know what? Uh-uh. This just isn't going to work out. When you're ready to have a conversation, call back.

CALLER: STAY AWAY FROM ME! (choking) Help me!

KATHY: Okay, thanks for calling 911.

ANCHOR: Hmm...hate to see that happen. All this and...panda-maniam at the zoo. Coming up on Fox News at Midnight.

[MJB12]

Are the pictures showing up for you, or are they just links?

[newt007]

They're showing up as links. A mod disabled IMG code for the vancome lady transcripts. Could a mod turn them back on please?

[MysterE]

[PrettyRose101]

good work