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SKETCH: OAKFIELD TOWERS (#106)
Employee..........................NICOLE SULLIVAN Mr. Phillips.........................ORLANDO JONES EMPLOYEE: So, you're all set, Mr. Phillips. You're in room 306. PHILLIPS: Thank you. Oh, I understand you have tennis courts here? EMPLOYEE: Yes, we have 2 courts. We also have a jacuzzi, and what we feel is our greatest feature here at Oakfield Towers - our olympic sized swimming pool. PHILLIPS: Yes, it looks beautiful. I saw it when I drove in. EMPLOYEE: Yes, it is. But, we do have a few rules of the pool: no urinating or spitting in the pool. PHILLIPS: Sounds reasonable. EMPLOYEE: We here at Oakfield Towers have the strictest standards...no snot blobs. PHILLIPS: Snot blobs? EMPLOYEE: No emptying your nose into the pool. No picking scabs and letting them float at the surface, or your pool priveleges will be revoked. PHILLIPS: Yeah, that's... EMPLOYEE: No farting into sponges and then throwing them into the water during our Best Swimmer's contest. Do not empty bags of pubic hair into the pool. PHILLIPS: Now, why would someone have a bag of that? EMPLOYEE: No leaving skid marks on the slide. PHILLIPS: Miss, that's just nasty. EMPLOYEE: No 30-pound pags of trucker's underwear are to be lowered by a rope into the pool. PHILLIPS: Oh, god. EMPLOYEE: No using a hollowed out dog filled with headcheese as a floatation device. PHILLIPS: All this stuff has actually happened to you, hasn't it? EMPLOYEE: These are just our rules. PHILLIPS: I don't know if I want to go in a pool with all these damned rules. EMPLOYEE: You'd rather use a pool that has snot blobs? No taking empty potato chip bags into the pool and then going underwater and filling them with baby puke. PHILLIPS: That's just wrong. EMPLOYEE: No 120-pound pigs named Tony wearing a cowboy hat allowed in the pool. PHILLIPS: What? No pigs? EMPLOYEE: Not without a bathing suit. PHILLIPS: Oh, I was gonna say. (pulling bathing-suit-clad pig with him) Come on, Tony. EMPLOYEE: Oh, and no diving! __________________ Member of Caity's Sig Posse Last edited by MJB12; 12/03/2004 at 11:25 PM. |
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