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Old 07/11/2004, 8:43 PM
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Default Spishak: Bug Zapper (#909)

Spishak Spokesman- Josh Meyers
Mother- Stephnie Weir
Father- Ike B.
Daughter- extra
Grandma Wong- Bobby Lee

(A family are having a picnic in the backyard, when the Spishak Spokesman comes out of the woods)

Spishak Spokesman: How many times has this happen to you?

Mother: What a lovely picnic. Grandma Wong, show us your third nipple.

(Grandma Wong opens shirt to the Mother and Father and the Spishak Spokesman takes a peek)

Spishak Spokesman: Okay. But, how many times has this to you?

Daughter: (with soda in hand) Mommy, this name brand cola is flat. Isn't there a way for cola to keep it's fizz?

(A deer comes out from the woods and tramples the daughter)

Grandma Wong: (points to the deer) Mofra. Ah!

Father: Waffle, Shmaffle. Don't be an idiot, Grandma Wong. It's that damn deer again.

Mother: It keeps taking our kids and that was the last one. Honey, now it's time to do something.

Father: Something, Shmumthing. I want a solution.

Spishak Spokesman: And now you can! (walks over to picnic)

Grandma Wong:: Mofra!

Spishak Spokesman: Wrong again, Grandma Wong. I'm the Spishak Spokesman.

Grandma Wong:: How do you know my name? Have you been reading my mail?

Spishak Spokesman: Yes!

Grandma Wong:: Oh!

Mother: Surely you have an innovative product that can get rid of these pesky deers that keep ruining our picnics... and stealing our children.

Spishak Spokesman: Say hello to Spishak's Bug Zapper Only the Bugs are Deers Instead.

Mother: Hello Spishak's new Bug Deer Zapper... only Bugs are Deer Instead.

Father: Hello Spishak's new bug zapper.

(Spishak Spokesman gets a Deer Zapper in his hands)

Mother: Bug Zapper Only the Bugs are Deers instead, huh? Sounds complicated.

Father: Sounds complicated. Smounds Flompicated. I'm the man. Explain it to me.

Spishak Spokesman: Simply open the box and take out the key that opens up the locker in the storage facility where the Bug Zapper Only The Bugs Are Deers Instead are kept and haul it into your backyard.

(The Zapper magically appears in their backyard)

Spishak Spokesman: (walks to the zapper) Just insert 863 AA batteries... (Batteries not included) turn on power, and watch your deer problems vanish into thin air. (turns on zapper)

Mother: Looks like we got a lemon!

Grandma Wong:: Mofra!

(Deer runs into the bug zapper, where it's stuck)

Mother: It's working!

Spishak Spokesman: That's right! And in just 19 and a half minutes, that deer will be dead.

Mother + Father: Yaaaay!

(Deer continues to die slowly, and the Spishak Spokesman checks his watch)

Spishak Spokesman: Just 17 and a half more minutes until that deer is dead!

Mother: OOh! The smell.

Spishak Spokesman: That's the smell of success.

Grandma Wong:: Mofra!

(A Giant Ant invades the backyard)

Father: Ahhhh! (attacks ant and ant attacks back) Ahh!

Mother: (singing) I got a bug zapper!

Grandma Wong:: (singing) Only the Bug are deers instead!

Mother: (singing) OooH! A Spishak Bug zapper.

Grandma Wong:: (singing) Only the bugs are deers instead!

Mother: (singing) Oooh! And it's time to kill deer!

(Deer is dancing near the house and Spishak Spokesman dances with a cigarette in hand)

Narrative on Screen: Spishak Bug Zapper Only the Bugs Are Deers Instead!


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