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Old 10/15/2003, 6:19 PM
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Default Episode S01E06 (Aired 1995-11-18)

O.J. Plates
Home shopping network QVC is offering the deal of the century with their O.J Simpson trial of the Century Plates. You can get the O.J Dream Team plate, the Ford Bronco dessert plate, the MUGshot, the Kato the dog salad servers, and the O.J's exercises in cell block D serving plates. Call now, and you'll get the Orange Juicer absolutely free, like O.J.

Credits: Debra Wilson (QVC Host)

When We Knew...
Nicole Sullivan, Orlando Jones, and Bryan Callen all talk about the moment they realized that they could make people laugh. For Nicole, it was when she played Aulga in the play You Can't Take it with you and she got more laughs than anyone in the cast. For Orlando, it was flipping his eyelids inside out. When it comes to Bryan, Bryan's moments are more dark, like when his dad made him dance soaking in beer in front of his poker buddies, and when his dad made him run around the block saying "I'm Super Pee-Pee Man!" whenever he wet his bed.

Credits: Nicole Sullivan (Herself), Orlando Jones (Himself), Bryan Callen (Himself)

Calvin Klein Ad #1
Calvin Klein is trying out some new ads. This one is with a baby, and a man (Phil LaMarr) who a busy worker with a suitcase full of files. The cameraman talks to them both like he's saying erotic, and sexy things when he really isn't.

Credits: Phil LaMarr (Businessman)

Stop Smoking #1
A man (Bryan Callen) goes to a therapist (Phil LaMarr) to ask him to help him stop smoking. He is extremely desperate. The therapist says that he can get the man to quit smoking in only 5 minutes. The man is shocked, but agrees. The therapist than leaves the room, and seconds later, 2 hillbillies in cigarette costumes come in to rape him. This way the man will forever associate smoking cigarettes to anal rape.

Credits: Bryan Callen (Man), Phil LaMarr (Therapist), David Herman (Hillbilly #1), Artie Lange (Hillbilly #2)

Oprah Winfrey
Oprah Winfrey (Debra Wilson) talks to people who have suffered severe traumas in their lives. Oprah first talks to a fat woman Mary Worther (Mary Scheer) who was a victim of over-eating due to her abusive relationship with her father, but every time she mentions a bad moment she went through, Oprah tops her story by mentioning an even worse thing that happened to her. When Harry Fisher (Orlando Jones) talks about his experience in Vietnam, in which he served 2 terms, Oprah counters that, saying she did 4 terms. When Harry wonders how that is possible, Oprah goes on a long rant about how she was called a baby killer, was affected by Agent Orange, and how she still has nightmares with Charlie. The screen then cuts out for a special Fox News at Midnight report about 48 men who have been taken hostage. Oprah then breaks through the screen saying that she has been taken hostage by aliens 49 times, how she has been to prison, and how she shot John Kennedy.

Credits: Mary Scheer (Mary Worther), Orlando Jones (Harry Fisher), Debra Wilson (Oprah Winfrey)

Swimming Pool
A man Mr. Phillips (Orlando Jones) is checking into his hotel room. He is interested in going swimming in the hotels swimming pool however, the hostess Ms. Lange (Nicole Sullivan) informs him that there are rules to the pool, including no urinating, spitting, or blowing snot blobs into the pool. The rules sound pretty reasonable, but then they get abstracts like no dumping of a bag of pubic hair in the pool, and no leaving skid marks on the slide. When the man wonders if any of these problems have ever happened, she always responds with "These are just our rules".

Credits: Nicole Sullivan (Lange), Orlando Jones (Phillips)

Stop Smoking #2
A woman (Debra Wilson) is having trouble with her cat Scootsie. He is shedding fur all over the place and scratching up her new furniture. The therapist tells her that he can get her cat to stop jumping up on the couch in only 5 minutes. She agrees to this, and he sends in the hillbillies who are now dressed as couches, and are going to do the same thing to the cat, that they did to the man who was addicted to smoking.

Credits: Debra Wilson (Woman), Phil LaMarr (Therapist), David Herman (Hillbilly #1), Artie Lange (Hillbilly #2)

Vague
It's about time for that show. The show that has that stuff, Vague. The game where one person does this, one person does that, then something happens. After a few questions in which the answers involve things like "the guy with the hair", and "Everything got all weird", challenger Bill (David Herman) comes out on top. He will now play with a celebrity partner. That guy from that show (Jamie Farr). Bill knows how to play, and if he wins, he will win some stuff. Bill wins and now has a few days total of a whole bunch.

Credits: David Herman (Bill), Debra Wilson (Sue), Phil LaMarr (Host), Jamie Farr (Himself)

Calvin Klein Ad #2
For their new ad, a pizza delivery man Jemma (Orlando Jones) comes in to deliver a pizza. The man operating the camera then asks him where he's delivering it, and what kind of car he drives to the places in, but he asks them in a real sexy way. He then asks to see the pizza. When Jemma shows him the pizza he comments on how sexy the pizza is. The scene then shifts to a man (Artie Lange) who has just come from cleaning scum off the bathrooms.

Credits: Orlando Jones (Jemma), Artie Lange (Plumber)

Stop Smoking #3
A man (Orlando Jones) brings his toaster to a shop. He is having trouble with the toaster because no matter what, it always burns the toast. The cashier (Nicole Sullivan) says that they can fix the toaster in 5 minutes. She then throws the toaster into the backroom, where the hillbillies can be heard doing something to the toaster that shocks the man

Credits: Orlando Jones (Man), Nicole Sullivan (Cashier)

Clueless of the Lambs
The movie Clueless meets Silence of the Lambs as Clarice Starling (Nicole Sullivan) has now moved in with a bunch of uptight FBI agents to help them solve crimes. She is currently looking for Buffalo Bill (Bryan Callen), and needs the help of Hannibal Lecter (David Herman) to find him. Hannibal leads her to the valley where she finds Buffalo. She sees that Buffalo clearly needs a makeover. Hannibal makes her realize what her life’s work should be. Helping the fashionably challenged. For her success in changing Buffalo's appearance, she is awarded for Outstanding Work in Appearance Modification. From now on, to her FBI will mean Fashionably Backwards Intervention.

Credits: David Herman (Anthony Hopkins: Hannibal Lecter), Nicole Sullivan (Jodie Foster: Clarisse "Clarice" Starling), Artie Lange (FBI Agent), Bryan Callen (Ted Levine: Jame "Buffalo Bill" Gumb), Debra Wilson (Woman)

Monologue-Dana Gould
Dana Gould comes on to the MADtv stage to say how much he hates people who are always complaining about how mad they are. Especially if it's against the United States. He talks about how he sees it in the eyes of every American he sees. He's sure that England and France think there better due to their longer history, but the problem with them are the strip club women are too classy, and the money is impossible to shove down a g-string, because they are coins. He thanks God that he lives in a country where a woman on Hollywood Boulevard can dance on a table in front of a bunch of nervous drunks, and not have to be worried about being pelted by coins. That is America to him.

Credits: Debra Wilson (Herself), Dana Gould (Himself)

Don Martin-Harp Fall **Animation**
2 moving men are moving a harp when they see a woman about to jump out her window, so they run to set the harp under her to catch her, but instead of catching her, she falls through the strings and is cut into slices.

Nicole's Monologue
After spending a few weeks on MADtv, Nicole Sullivan has decided that it's time for her to move on. She has dated everyone in the cast and there is no one there for her. She doesn't need the competition from Orlando, David's tongue is a little too so wild that it should be arrested, Phil cares about her too much, Artie could have bought her breakfast after sex, and Bryan smells like smoked turkey. Mary and Debra are fun for one night, but Nicole is looking long term. Nicole wants to be on a show with some cute guys. Everyone from the cast to the crew on MADtv is ugly to her. Nicole then starts to cry, begging to be on a show like E.R., Party of 5, or even 60 Minutes. An announcer can then be heard from the rafters granting Nicole her wish. She is now going to be a member of Party of 5. Nicole loves this, and tells everyone to watch out, because now it's going to be a Party of 6.

Credits: Nicole Sullivan (Herself)

Movie Trailer
Coming this fall from the makers of Goodfellas. From the producers of Scarface, and Miller's Crossing. From the director of the Untouchables. Starring the Oscar Award winning actor from The Godfather. Written by the author of The Stand, and Carlito's Way. Photographed by the cinematographer of The Black Stallion. This is the story of a man and a woman.

Party of Five-Nicole's Visit
Nicole Sullivan gets her shot at Party of 5, as she will be playing a waitress in an episode. Her line is only suppose to be "The special today is meat loaf", but she adlibs after saying the line by hitting on Bailey Salinger (Scott Wolf), and Charlie Salinger (Matthew Fox), tap dancing by the scene after she should have left, and then not even saying her line at all, instead trying to get Bailey and Charlie to date her. She is then removed from the set.

Credits: Matthew Fox (Charlie Salinger/Himself), Neve Campbell (Julia Salinger/Herself), Scott Wolf (Bailey Salinger/Himself), Nicole Sullivan (Lead Waitress/Herself)

Spy Vs Spy-Slinky **Animation**
White Spy sees Black Spy having a lot of fun on a slide, so he builds a stair slide. When Black Spy goes to check out the slide it turns out that it's a large slinky contraption that captures the Black Spy, and pushes him down the stairs.

Debbie Dander-Seminar Training
Debbie Dander (Mary Scheer) is a human motivator for Duel Lab USA. She was going to present a presentation on Ron Says Hi to Hygiene, but after a recent industrial accident, she's been asked to change the program. The first part of the presentation is Dealing with Drugs in the Workplace. She first passes around the drug sampler. A bowl filled with different drugs, needles, and marijuana joints. Now she is going to talk about what to do with Ron the drug addict. Debbie suggests talking to Rob on his level. Ask him out for tea with Mary Jane on your white horse. When the drug sampler comes back, the samples are gone, so she brings out the best way to tell if someone is doing drugs. Random drug testing. Debbie tells everyone that they have to pee in the cup and hand it to her and their boss.

Credits: Mary Scheer (Debbie Dander)

Calvin Klein #3
Calvin Klein has a few more ideas. One is with a nun (Mary Scheer). The man hits on her, but she tells him that he is not one of those hip nuns. He asks her if she ever thinks about sex, but she says that she doesn't have the time with all the car washes, and nightly bingo. The commercial people wonder if there are any other people left. Well there are, and they are the two raping hillbillies, who run and rape the announcer.

Credits: Mary Scheer (Nun), David Herman (Hillbilly #1), Artie Lange (Hillbilly #2)

Spy Vs Spy-Sunbeam **Animation**
White Spy uses a mirror to reflect the sun’s rays and burn Black Spy's back while he is sun bathing, but Black Spy has a way to combat this, with his Sun Screen #5 device that reflects the sun’s rays through a series of mirrors so that it goes back to White Spy and burns off all of his skin.

Nicole Returns to MADtv
Nicole Sullivan returns to MADtv, after leaving the show for Party of 5. She wants to show the cast her scene, and tells everyone that throughout the taping, Scott Wolf was checking her out. When she puts the tape in one of the various televisions around the MADtv set, it is shown that her scene was cut from the episode. Nicole then tries to suck up to the cast she insulted by saying that they are all cute, and that she chooses to be on MADtv, because they would never treat her like that. Nicole is then cut out of the scene.

Credits: Orlando Jones (Himself), Debra Wilson (Herself), Bryan Callen (Himself), Phil LaMarr (Himself), Mary Scheer (Herself), Artie Lange (Himself), David Herman (Himself), Nicole Sullivan (Herself), Matthew Fox (Charlie Salinger/Himself), Neve Campbell (Julia Salinger/Herself), Scott Wolf (Bailey Salinger/Himself)

---

Starring:
  • Bryan Callen (2A/2S/0W/0AF)
  • David Herman (1A/5S/0W/0AF)
  • Orlando Jones (3A/4S/2W/0AF)
  • Phil LaMarr (1A/4S/0W/0AF)
  • Artie Lange (2A/4S/0W/0AF)
  • Mary Scheer (2A/2S/0W/0AF)
  • Nicole Sullivan (1A/6S/0W/0AF)
  • Debra Wilson (4A/3S/0W/0AF)
---

Special Appearances, and Guest Stars:
  • Jamie Farr (1A/0S/0W/0AF)
  • Dana Gould (0A/1S/0W/0AF)
  • Scott Wolf (1A/1S/0W/0AF)
  • Matthew Fox (1A/1S/0W/0AF)
  • Neve Campbell (2A/0S/0W/0AF)
---

Transcripts:---

Legend:
  • (A)ppearance Credit
  • (S)tarring Credit
  • Writing Credit
  • Non-Speaking Credit
  • (A)rchival (F)ootage Credit
---

Last edited by tvmanismadformad; 07/12/2009 at 5:36 PM.
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  #2  
Old 05/06/2005, 3:33 PM
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Thumbs Up Orlando's Calvin Klien Ad Auditions

Quote:
Originally posted by MysterE
Calvin Klein Ad#2 (Orlando- pizza delivery guy, Artie- toilet cleaner)[/list][/B]
I love that Calvin Klien ad audition with Orlando. That was fall on the floor funny! Hes just delivering a pizza and the announcer say, "Why don't you open up the pizza box." and Orlando does and the announcer is like, "Thats a sexy pizza!" and Orlandos like, "You crazy man."

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  #3  
Old 05/30/2009, 11:20 PM
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Default Review

O.J. Plates: Not too bad. The highlight was the host saying that you can get the juicer completely free, just like O.J.

When We Knew...: Bryan was pretty funny in this one. The highlight was when he kept saying "I'm Super Pee Pee Man!", just because of how he said it.

Calvin Klein Ad #1: The ones later on in this episode are more funnier. The highlight was the announcer saying "hey cutie" to the baby.

Stop Smoking #1: Pretty funny, and that is a great way to get someone to stop smoking. I know anal rape would stop me from smoking if I smoked.

Oprah Winfrey: This one was ok. There have of course been better Oprah's, but it was good for now. The highlight was Oprah breaking through the Fox News picture to say how much worse she has had it with her face greasier than a McDonald's Happy Meal.

Swimming Pool: I really did like this one. I just love how the rules kept getting crazier and crazier, and when Philip's would ask something like if any of the situations had ever happened before, Lange would always say "these are just our rules". That line alone was the highlight.

Stop Smoking #2: This one was much better than the first one. I love Debra's reaction to watching the couches raping her cat. The highlight for me though was when Phil stood up and just asked the woman out of the blue "you like me in this suit don't you?"

Vague: The show with those guys and that stuff. This one was really great. The highlight was the answers to some of the questions, and when they left him there with no way out.

Calvin Klein Ad #2: Jemma delivering the pizza was pretty funny. The highlight was when Jemma opened the pizza box and the cameraman said "yeah, that's a sexy pizza".

Stop Smoking #3: I did like it that they switched it up a little, by having out of the therapists office, but this one wasn't as good as the other ones. The highlight was Orlando's face, as he listens to his toaster being raped.

Clueless of the Lambs: I really did like Nicole in this one. Her acting was spot on here. The highlight was the first few seconds when we see Clarice. That was some of Nicole's best acting.

Monologue-Dana Gould: I really don't like guest monologues. There just stand up performances with another name, and I don't think stand up performances belong on a sketch comedy show.

Don Martin-Harp Fall **Animation**: This one was actually not too bad. The highlight was the way they drew the woman being sliced up.

Nicole's Monologue: I found this monologue so funny because out of everyone, Nicole lasted longer than everyone except 1. Also, she must have been really happy that the not breakfast buying girl, her competition, the smoked turkey, the loose tongue, and the caring guy all went off the show. The highlight was her going on about the problems she has with each male cast member.

Movie Trailer: Kind of annoying.

Party of Five-Nicole's Visit: Pretty funny. The highlight was when she told Bailey that he should consider and older woman, and that Nicole could show him some very cool things. I don't care how old Nicole is (except if she's under 18) I would let her show me some very cool things anytime.

Spy Vs Spy-Slinky **Animation**: You know how I feel about Spy Vs. Spy's that don't have double crosses.

Debbie Dander-Seminar Training: This one was pretty good. The highlight was Debbie getting the drug bowl back and nothing being in it. Super terrific!

Calvin Klein #3: Not as funny as the last few.

Spy Vs Spy-Sunbeam **Animation**: Now this is the Spy Vs. Spy I like! Double crosses! The highlight was of course, the double cross! Way to go Black Spy!

Nicole Returns to MADtv: It was great to see the cast resent Nicole after what she said about them. The highlight was Nicole not only being cut out of Party of 5, but being cut out of MADtv.

Out of 110 stars, this episode got 69. That's about a C rating. An ok episode, but not as good as the last one.

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