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Old 12/16/2006, 5:05 AM
Hypn0 Male Hypn0 is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2006
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Default Red Carpet: 2006 Billboard Music Awards (#1208)

Arden Myrin – Herself
Crista Flanagan – Herself

Special Apperances:
36 Mafia, Boyz II Men, Dave Navarro, Ron Livingston, Rosemary DeWitt, Flavor Flav, Howie Mandel, Criss Angel, Denise Richards, Katharine McPhee

Setting: Outside MGM Grand in Las Vegas, NV

(Part 1. Arden and Crista are facing the camera. Arden looks excited while Crista looks downtrodden.)

Arden: Hey, MADtv, I’m Arden!

Crista: And I’m Crista.

Arden: And the good news is we are in Las Vegas at the Billboard Music Awards!

Crista: (turns to Arden) And the bad news?

Arden: I lost $18,000 of Crista’s money at a high-stakes baccarat table! (Crista stares blankly at the camera) With Flavor Flav. So we have no money, no place to sleep!

Crista: This sucks.

Arden: So we’re either gonna go hooking or bang celebrities for money (Crista sighs) to get some cash. This is for hooking … (Arden and Crista play “Rock, Paper, Scissors.”) One, two, three, shoot! (Both women choose “Scissors.”) One, two, three, shoot! (Arden chooses “Scissors” while Crista chooses “Paper.” Arden immediately “cuts” Crista’s hand.) Hooker! Hooker! Hooker!

Crista: (walks away in disgust) Ugh, this sucks.

Arden: Make daddy some money here!

(Camera switches to Crista, who is standing in a street and looking around nervously)

Crista: (out loud to the public) Hooker … (shrugs to herself)

(Camera switches back to Arden, who is interviewing 36 Mafia)

Arden: Well, a lot of people get married in Las Vegas. (Slowly kneels down) Maybe, if you don’t have anything later on … if you guys are available … Maybe, we could …

36 Mafia member: I would LOVE to marry you!

Arden: (jumps up and down, facing the camera) Yay! Yay! Yay! Yay! Yay! Crista, I bet you’re having fun right now. I just got engaged!

(Camera switches back to Crista, who is still standing in the street, unsure of what to do. Pedestrians are passing her by.)

Crista: Good time (waves hands reluctantly) … (Old woman walks by) Hi.

Old Woman: Hi. (continues walking)

(Camera switches back to Arden, who is holding $2 and is interviewing Boyz II Men)

Arden: I’m gonna bet you two dollars that you can’t think of the num- … Tell me what number I’m thinking of between one and a hundred.

Boyz II Men member: (immediately) Sixty-nine.

Arden: (hands over $2) Yes, you’re right. (To the entire group) What is the worst thing that happened to you in Las Vegas? I passed out, and I think I was molested by one or all of the Blue Man Group.

(Camera switches back to Crista. Crista tugs at her dress to reveal more of her leg and poses with her hands on her hips, while a car drives by. She waves at a second car, which also drives by.)

(Camera switches back to Arden, who is now with Dave Navarro)

Arden: And these are the real deal, Dave.

Dave: Oh, is that right?

Arden: (directs attention to her own chest) These are magic, and they’re filled with glitter.

Dave: (directs attention to his own chest) These are real as well.

Arden: They look fantastic.

Dave: Thank you.

(Arden is now alone and facing the camera)

Arden: He’s so cool! And he is a rock star! He just hugged me and told me that I have breasts. He didn’t say they were nice, but he said that I have them. And that’s fine! Sure, there’s Playmates behind me, but they have to sleep with an 800-year old man. (laughs)

(Crista returns to Arden, looking annoyed)

Arden: All right, so Crista’s back! How’s it going for you?

Crista: I’ve made nothing. It’s hard out there for a ho.

Arden: Well, get out there! Keep hooking!

Crista: YOU take a turn.

Arden: I don’t have a vagina.

(Crista walks away, very annoyed)

(Arden is joined by Ron Livingston and Rosemary DeWitt. Ron whispers something to Arden, giving her a $100 dollar bill.)

Arden: Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! (Holds bill to the camera) I made one … hundred … dollars! What he whispered to me was “I had never seen a more magnificent woman in my life … I love you. This is awkward … I’d like to marry you. And here’s a hundred dollars to seal the deal!” (Rosemary continues laughing)

(After Ron and Rosemary have left, Crista slowly walks by, with a smug look on her face. She is accompanying Flavor Flav, holding on to his arm.)

Arden: (pleasantly surprised) Hey, Crista! Crista! Crista … (Crista lifts her middle finger at Arden) wha? (Extremely shocked) What!

(Arden is then joined by Howie Mandel. She has Ron’s $100 bill tucked down the front of her dress.)

Arden: I can’t get back to LA, I don’t have a room anymore. But I have a hundred dollars, so maybe I …

Howie: You have a hundred dollars, that’s wonderful. You’re gonna get into a room. I promise you. I, I’ll get you a room.

Arden: I’ll be all right, but you know what?

Howie: Not MY room. (Turns to the camera) My wife watches …

Arden: No.

Howie: N-Not my room. I was gonna get her a room …

Arden: Yeah.

Howie: Because I’m playing here, and I have … I know the concierge.

Arden: Yes.

(Camera jumps ahead to Arden’s interview with Criss Angel)

Criss: (turns to the camera) Isn’t she beautiful? I think she’s really beautiful.

Arden: Thank you!

Criss: (to Arden, pointing to his own cheek) Actually, you can give me a kiss right over here. (Arden approaches Criss, who immediately turns his head so that Arden accidentally kisses his lips.)

Arden: (shocked) Waaa!

Criss: Thank you.

Arden: (jumping up and down, talking to the camera) Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! He fooled me at my favorite game! I used to play that with my gym teacher!

(Camera jumps ahead to Arden’s interview with Denise Richards)

Arden: I gambled away, um, my 17-year old son at a Jenga party at Danny Masterson’s house …

Denise: Wait a minute. How old is your son?

Arden: Seventeen. I had him since when I was four.

(Camera jumps ahead to Arden’s interview with Katharine McPhee)

Arden: You are … (Katharine grabs the $100 bill from Arden’s dress and waves it at the camera) No! How dare you! (Grabs bill and clenches her fist around it, talking to the camera) Damn you, Katharine McPhee!

(Katharine walks away)

Arden: (to the camera) That bitch tried to take my money, and it is on! I had McPhee-ver, and now I just got Scarlet Fever! Ungh!

(Crista re-joins Arden, looking smug)

Arden: Well, if it isn’t, uh, Hook McHooks-a-Lot. (Crista hands over 37 cents, still smiling at the camera) Wait a minute, 37 cents?

Crista: (with pride) I gave Tony Bennett a tuggy.

(Arden is now alone)

Arden: Well, that’s it from the 2006 Billboard Awards in Las Vegas. (Holds up $100 bill) Thank you, Ron Livingston. You’re my new groom. Everybody else, you lose, except for 36 Mafia. *smooch* Bye!

(Part 2. Scenes of Crista hooking on the street. She is doing some sexy poses)

Crista: I'm a hooker. Hooker. Hey. Good time. Hooker. Hey. How's it goin?

(Crista cries)

Last edited by tvmanismadformad; 07/05/2009 at 2:17 AM. Reason: Part 2 Added
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