[MADtv] Stuart: Halloween (#406)

[newt007]

Woman (giving out candy)- Debra Wilson
Stuart- Michael McDonald
Doreen- Mo Collins
Antonia- Nicole Sullivan


(Doreen walks up to Woman's house and realizes Stuart isn't there with her)

Doreen: STUUAART! Stuart, you get out of the street!

(Stuart, in a spiderman costume, walks over with wax lips in mouth)

Doreen: Stuart! I told you to stay right next to mama! Awee, where'd you get those wax lips?

Stuart: I found 'em in the street.

Doreen: Well, oh no you don't. They're dirty!

Stuart: No, I want 'em.

Doreen: Stuart, you take those out. They've been in the street.

(Stuart shoves wax lips in mouth and chews on them)

Doreen: Awooo! For heaven's sake. He's such a hungry boy. He must be having a growth spurt.

Woman: Wow. It looks like he had a couple of those already. Wow. Look at you. What a nice little costume...

Stuart: Doooon't!

Doreen: I don't know. It looks a littel snug. Stuart, is that snug around your GooGoo?

Stuart: I dunno.

Doreen: Well, listen to me... (to woman) You don't wanna hear about his GooGoo, do you?

Woman: No! I don't.

Doreen: Of course you don't. No!

(Stuart is pulling on his 'danger zone')

Doreen: (to Stuart) Well, now, Stuart, why are you pulling on your GooGoo? Look at you! You're pullin' on your GooGoo!

Stuart: I don't wanna say!

Doreen: Now, do you have to go to the bathroom, honey?

Stuart: I don't wanna say!

Doreen: I swear, he's bigger than his bladder. You don't mind if he uses your bathroom, do you?

Woman: Well, um...

Doreen: You don't mind, of course. Now, Stuart, what do you have to do in there? Honey, which one? Tell mama.

Stuart: I don't wanna say!

Doreen: Well, which one, Stuart?!

Stuart: I have to make brown bubbles.

Doreen: Then we better hurry. C'mon, you don't mind, do you? (walk into house) C'mon Stuart, you gotta hurry up.

(Woman points where bathroom is)

Doreen: Now, go on. Scoot!

Stuart: Don't!

Doreen: Scoot!

Stuart: Let me do it! Look what I can do! (does a hyper dance) (walks into bathroom)

Doreen: Awwwwe. He must like you. He doesn't do that for everybody.

Woman: I feel so lucky.

Doreen: Well, I'd be a lot luckier if it makes it to the pooper on time.

Woman: Maybe I should go and get him.

Doreen: Oh, don't worry. I'll get him out for ya. STTUUART! Hurry up, Stuart! C'mon!

(Stuart comes out with a thong over costume)

Woman: Oh, god. Um--

Doreen: Stuart! Now, where did you get those underpants?

Stuart: I found 'em on the floor.

Woman: They're my husbands!

Doreen: Now, Stuart, you take those off right now. They're not yours!

Stuart: No, I wanna wear 'em home.

Doreen: Stuart, that is stealing. Now, you take off those underpants.

Stuart: No, I wanna wear 'em home.

Doreen: Stuart, you give those back to the lady. Those are not your underpants.

Stuart: (on floor, tries to kick Doreen away) I wanna wear 'em home.

Doreen: You can't take those!

Stuart: I wanna wear 'em home.

Doreen: Gimme the underpants.

Woman: You know what? It's okay. It's okay. You know what? He can have 'em. He can have the underpants. Okay? You can have 'em, Stuart. Happy Halloween.

Stuart: (pushes her away) Dooon't!

Doreen: Oh, okay. You win. You can keep the underpants, but no candy!

Stuart: (gets up) No, I want some candy!

Doreen: Well, that's too bad. That's too bad. You made your bed and you can lie in it.

Stuart: Noo! I wanna stay for candy!

Doreen: Let's go!

Stuart: I wanna stay for candy.

Doreen: No, we're going home.

Stuart: I wanna stay for candy

Doreen: (tries to move him) C'mon, Stuart! We gotta go!

Stuart: I wanna stay for candy.

Woman: You know. It's all right--

Stuart: I wanna stay for candy.

woman: Okay, Stuart?

Stuart: I wanna stay for candy.

Woman: Okay. Stuart, you can have one peice of candy and then you can go home.

Doreen: Awwe. Okay. Just pick one piece of candy and lets go, Stuart.

(Woman puts out candy bowl, while Stuart looks)

Doreen: Well, Stuart! Pick one!

Stuart: I don't know which one I want yet!

Doreen: Just pick one. Look, they're all they same.

Stuart: Let me do it. Let me do it.

Doreen: Then pick one!

Stuart: Let me do it.

Doreen: Pick a candy!

Stuart: Let me do it. Let me do it.

Doreen: Stuart, they're all the same. Let's do this.

Stuart: Let me do it. Let me do it. (takes a couple candies and sticks them in mouth)

Doreen: STUART! Just one is all you need! Don't you do that! (pulls on Stuart, getting him out of house) You're gonna get scorts all night long.

Stuart: Look what I can do! (does a hyper dance and leaves)

Doreen: Stuart, you come right now.

(They both leave)

(Woman walks back in house and sets down candy when there is a knock at the door) (Woman opens door, to reveal Antonia, who has feathers on head)

Woman: Hi! Trick or Treat!

Antonia: Hello!

Woman: So, who are you supposed to be?

Antonia: I don't know.

Woman: You look like a bunny. Are you a bunny?

Antonia: It is possible.

Woman: Trick or treat. Would you like some candy?

Antonia: I have a cat named CeCe.

(Woman just dumps the whole bowl of candy into Antonia's bag and shuts door)

Antonia: That's the motherload. (walks away)