Go Back   Planet MADtv > Our Database > MADtv Repository > MADtv Transcripts
Register Members List Mark Forums Read

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools
  #1  
Old 02/17/2003, 2:37 PM
koolboee cdmo87's Avatar
koolboee cdmo87 Male koolboee cdmo87 is offline
Can't You Read the Signs?
 
Join Date: Dec 2002
Posts: 1,959
Default Swantonia (#317)

Abbreviations, character, cast member

MS - Ms. Swan - Alex Borstein
A - Antonia - Nicole Sullivan
G - Gibb, host - Craig Anton
S - Sterling - Chris Hogan
R - Roger - Phil LaMarr

Announcer - Sterling, she is a manicurist at the Gorgeous Pretty Beauty Nail Salon, meet Ms. Swan! Roger, she is the former Miss July, she currently enjoys breakfast, say hello to Antonia Timmens!

G - Well! Welcome to the show, ladies! Here, uh, why don't you give me a little room here, why don't you take your seats.

MS - Okay, don't push.

G - Ooo. All right, you're ready to play the game? You understand our rules, don't you?

MS - Yeah, no, yeah, oh, okay.

G - Okay, how about you, Antonia?

A - Yehz.

G - All right, now Roger has elected to give the clues, Sterling has elected to receive. We'll start with Sterling. Give me 20 seconds on the clock, and go!

*the word is "tomato"*

MS - Go! Oh hey, dees is funny! Look, tomato!

*Swan turns the TV screen to Sterling*

S - NO NO NO NO!

*Swan laughs, Sterling is furious*

G - Oh! Oh, I am so sorry! Maybe I didn't explain the rules to you, see, you can't actually say the word when you're given the clue.

MS - Okay, you no tell me dat.

G - Well, I don't know, I think someone did, but you know what? We're gonna give you another chance anyway. Give me 20 seconds on the clock, and go!

*the word is "sidewalk"*

MS - Go! Mmmm, oh, dees is easy one, you get dis one.

S - Okay, okay, let's go!

MS - Oh, dis, you gonna walk away weeth feefty tousand dollah, okay.

S - Okay, okay.

MS - Okay, you know, sometimes you go, you want to buy flowers, you know.

S - Okay, gardening? Florist?

MS - Yeah, okay. And den da man, he da big man, he cut da flowers.

S - Okay, a florist, flower arrangement? A bouquet, a bouquet!

*time runs out*

G - Oh! You almost had that one! The word was "sidewalk".

S - SIDEWALK?!? She was talking about gardening!!

MS - You know, dis one no good, he talk too much, you know.

S - She's not giving me good clues!

MS - Okay, no! You need to believe in yoself, you need to use da force, you know?

G - Interesting strategy! Now let's go back to Roger and Antonia, give me 20 seconds on the clock, and GO!

*the word is "bacon"*

R - Okay, not ham, not sausage.

*Antonia has a blank stare the entire time*

R - Um, uh, it does come from a pig! You have it with eggs! Okay, not ham, not sausage, um, uh, it's a breakfast meat that comes in strips! That you have with eggs! It rhymes with "macon"!

*the time runs out*

G - Oh! So close! The word was "bacon"!

A - Bacon!

R - Well it's too late now!

A - Oh!

G - Oh, it was a nice try though, very nice try. Let's go back to Sterling and Swan!

S - Can we, can we switch?

G - Can we switch? Hahahahahaha, NO! Now give me 20 seconds on the clock, and go!

*the word is "Beethoven"*

MS - Go! Hahaha! Okay. Oooo, I know dees one, I know dees one.

S - Okay, well give me a clue!

MS - Okay, you keep yo shut on, meesta! Okay?

S - We only got, like, 20 seconds here!

MS - No, no. We have now twelve seconds, eelehvahn..

S - No, no, come on! Anything, come on, anything! Give me the clue, come on!

MS - Okay, okay. I tell you. Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.....

*very long pause*

MS - Looka like a man!

S - What? NO! NO!

*time runs out*

G - Oh, oh, I see where she was going with that one, the clue was "Beethoven"!

MS - Okay, you see, he good, dees one, he know.

S - She didn't give me any clues!

G - Hahaha, shut up! Now! We're gonna back with Roger and Antonia!

R - Okay, is she gonna guess this time?

G - You know, I don't know! Antonia, are you gonna answer this time?

A - Yeaz.

G - Are you sure?

A - Bacon!

G - Good enough for me! 20 seconds on the clock, and GO!

*the word is "cat"*

R - All right, um, okay, uh, it's a house pet! They're furry, um, they're cute, uh, dogs like to chase them!

A - CeCe!

R - What?

A - CeCe!

R - What are you saying? It's a house pet! They're little, they're cute, with the big eyes, they go "meow"! Meow! Meow!

A - CeCe!

R - What is a TheeThee?!?

*time runs out*

A - CeCe is my cat.

R - Well why the hell don't you just say "cat"?

A - I deed.

R - No, you said, SheShe!

A - CeCe!

G - I'm so sorry, we're all out of time, neither of you won, but we've got some lovely parting gives for each of you!

R - Is it a liver?

Announcer - No, it's Rice-a-Roni, but you can put liver in it. Back to you, Gib!

G - Thank you! All right, that's all the time we have for today. I'd like to thank our contestants, Sterling and Roger! We'll see you tomorrow, on "Gimme a Clue!"
Reply With Quote




  #2  
Old 02/17/2003, 3:32 PM
MADMADMAD's Avatar
MADMADMAD Male MADMADMAD is offline
Geometry Sucks.
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Los Angeles, California,
Posts: 1,222
Hehe, thanks, koolboee, perhaps more Swan skits will attract more fans to this site.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 02/24/2003, 12:56 PM
Cat_Named_CeCe's Avatar
Cat_Named_CeCe Male Cat_Named_CeCe is offline
Staff Alumnus
Staff Alumnus
 
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Michigan
Posts: 2,538
This is one of my favorite sketches in MAD history - thanks Ian!

__________________
Matt (the OTHER one)

"If you want to be a better actor - a better lawyer, doctor, teacher - anything - be a better human being." ~ Debra Wilson
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 02/24/2003, 4:11 PM
GlacierMonkey's Avatar
GlacierMonkey Male GlacierMonkey is offline
#2 of 7
 
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: RIGHT BEHIND YOU! BOO! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Posts: 686
Very good, but there are some mistakes. The host is played by Mark Hammil, not Craig Anton. It also would have been nice to have the first couple minutes you cut off at the beginning.

__________________
Controlling you through a chip in your butt since January 2002.
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 02/24/2003, 6:59 PM
MADMADMAD's Avatar
MADMADMAD Male MADMADMAD is offline
Geometry Sucks.
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Los Angeles, California,
Posts: 1,222
Quote:
Originally posted by GlacierMonkey
Very good, but there are some mistakes. The host is played by Mark Hammil, not Craig Anton. It also would have been nice to have the first couple minutes you cut off at the beginning.
I think that Ian typed this transcript from a faulty source, I have two "swantonia" .mpegs and one is longer than the other. If you ever catch this sketch on TNN, maybe you could tape it and do part of your typing from there. Still, a great job.
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 02/25/2003, 4:12 PM
koolboee cdmo87's Avatar
koolboee cdmo87 Male koolboee cdmo87 is offline
Can't You Read the Signs?
 
Join Date: Dec 2002
Posts: 1,959
Thanks for the corrections, Glacier. You're right, it is Mark Hamill. I've actually never seen the episode from which this was originally from (#317), only the season four episode in which it was reaired as a MADtv Classic, so I had no idea who played the host - I didn't think it was Craig Anton, but he was my best guess.

And MADx3 is right.. I don't have the sketch on video from the season four episode (didn't tape it), only the .mpeg video. So if I happen to catch the episode again (which unfortunately won't happen any time soon... seeing as my local FOX station doesn't run reruns every night anymore and I don't have TNN), I'll add it in
Reply With Quote
Reply




Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump
 


All times are GMT -6. The time now is 8:48 AM.