[MADtv] Monologue: Phil LaMarr (#102)

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Phil- Himself

(Setting: On main stage)

Phil: Hi. I'm Phil LaMarr.

[Applause]

Phil: Thank you. All right. I figure the best way for you guys to get to know me was to know a little about the parts I played and the ones I haven't played. (Gets out the paper with the list) This is a list of character names. These are all real parts that I actually auditioned for… and didn't get. “Curtis, Tyrone, Jamal, Liquor man, Bag boy, Black G.I., Loco, Zebo, Peanut, Ice tray, Ice pick, Popsicle, and monkey.” Now, they said I couldn't play these parts because I wasn't street enough or ethnic enough or threatening enough. Basically, not black enough. Now, here's some of the parts I did play. “Eugene, Stanley, Marvin, Leonard, Ben Klein, and Bob.” Basically, Oreos... Which is why I was so happy to be the black guy on MADtv until I found out they hired another blacker guy. I mean, look, I’m as black as I need to be, ok? I mean, you know, I can play street. Here. “Yo. I'm a stone fly Mac papa, all right?” Is that black enough for-- (A basketball gets thrown from the audience at Phil) Hey! That's not funny, you guys! (walks towards audience)