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Old 08/03/2009, 9:34 AM
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Default Episode S01E03: Frankly, My Dear, I Don't Give a Frank (Aired 2007-12-04)

Trump: My Turn! #1
Donald Trump (Frank Caliendo) has opened his one man show, which will release every emotion, including one that he has made up, donjoy. Donald lived an other side of the tracks life, and was taunted by the school children, who made fun of him, for his suite elevator not having air conditioning. That is when Donald made a vow that he would never be mildly uncomfortable again. Donald also talks about the joy of his first million, and how much he loved his brother, Gary, until he became a jerk when his parents missed a payment, but he is jerky no more, as Donald planted drugs on him, which got him sent to jail, where his head was smashed like a melon. Donald closes his show, by passing down a basket, and asking for donations. [Intro provided by Frank Caliendo, and Frank as Phil Gilford]

Credits: Frank Caliendo (Donald Trump), Lonnie Henderson (Tap Dancer)

Foreign Celebrity Sellout #1
Al Pacino (Frank Caliendo) does a confusing commercial for a Japanese television station, in which a Geisha (Fay Kato) gives him a drink that gives him angel wings, and a magic wand that allows him to turn 3 annoying Japanese men into a cheeseburger, a robot, and a chicken.

Credits: Toshi Toda (Japanese Business Man #1), Ren Urano (Japanese Business Man #2), Frank Caliendo (Al Pacino), Fay Kato (Geisha)

A Frank Sitdown: David Brinkman
This episodes co-host is David Brinkman, a man from Idaho who does impressions of Sesame street characters like Grover.

Credits: Frank Caliendo (Himself), David Brinkman (Himself)

If Bush had Been There
This sketch shows what would happen if George Bush (Frank Caliendo) was president in other important times in history, and how he would make the times sound good, when they are unfortunately bad. During the Great Depression, he says that he has never seen so many little kids selling pencils, and now that many fathers are out of a job, they have more time to spend with their kids. During the Watergate Break-In, he tells America that if you put scotch tape on "the part where the door closes" you can keep it unlocked, and talks about America's new greatest weapon, scotch tape. When the Titanic Sunk, George claims it as an attack against America's newest enemy, ice bergs, and that George's second wave of attack is what he calls "global heating". [Intro provided by Frank Caliendo, and David Brinkman]

Credits: Frank Caliendo (George Bush)

Judge Shatner
William Shatner (Frank Caliendo) tackles the one law profession he has yet to play, judge. In this case, the platiff (Cathy Shim) is suing her tenant (Joey "Coco" Diaz) for the last 6 months rent. The tenant says that he doesn't owe her anything, because he was suppose to be guaranteed air conditioning, which she removed during Augusts’ heat wave. Instead of listening to the case, William trails off on what's said by mentioning previous roles he has done. He then figures out that this case is similar to T.J Hooker season 2, episode 15, when T.J was allowed into a pimps department without his consent. Later the pimp kidnapped Heather Locklear and T.J shot him dead. Which is similar to this case. The tenant is the pimp, and the landlord is the guy screwing him over. William rules for the defendant. [Intro provided by Frank Caliendo, and David Brinkman]

Credits:Frank Caliendo (William Shatner), Shelton Mack (Bailiff), Cathy Shim (Platiff), Joey Diaz (Tenant)

Caliendo's Squares: Robert De Niro
It's Caliendo's Squares time, and David picks Robert De Niro (Frank Caliendo), and also Al Pacino (Frank Caliendo), who is moving into Roberts square, because James Gandolfini was actually suppose to be there. The question is "can you get an elephant drunk?" Robert thinks Frank wants him to booze up an endangered animal, and thinks that Frank shouldn't be allowed in zoos. When Al gets to the square, they both say no to the question. David disagrees, and he is correct. David, in his last act as co-host, throws the show to commercial.

Credits: Frank Caliendo (Himself, Michael Richards, Robert De Niro, Al Pacino, William Shatner), David Brinkman (Himself)
Archival Footage Frank Caliendo (Jack Nicholson, Sean Connery, George W. Bush, Julia-Louis Dreyfus, Donald Trump)

Foreign Celebrity Sellout #2
Sean Connery (Frank Caliendo) promotes a French perfume Sauvage. In the commercial, he is fighting a knight in full on armour, when the knight (Kelly Vaughn) removes its helmet to reveal a hot woman underneath. They then go in a flying car, while it rains pineapples.

Credits: Kelly Vaughn (Knight), Frank Caliendo (Sean Connery)

Foreign Celebrity Sellout #3
Jack Nicholson (Frank Caliendo) does a commercial for the German cereal Kornerfrucht, in which he speaks to a little German boy (Kurt Doss), in his cereal, and throws a strawberry into his mouth.

Credits: Frank Caliendo (Himself, Jack Nicholson), Kurt Doss (German Boy)

Guests of Frank TV
As Frank Caliendo goes to the credits, Phil Gilford says that all guests of Frank TV, stay with relatives.

Credits: Frank Caliendo (Himself, Phil Gilford)

Close: Trump: My Turn! #2
Donald cries out why, and get's his tap dancer to come out and be sad for him. He then fires him.

Credits: Frank Caliendo (Donald Trump), Lonnie Henderson (Tap Dancer)


  • Frank Caliendo (0A/20S/-W/0AF)

Guest Starring:
  • David Brinkman(1A/3S/0W/0AF)
  • Joey "Coco" Diaz (1A/0S/0W/0AF)
  • Kurt Doss (0A/1S/0W/0AF)
  • Lonnie Henderson (2A/0S/0W/0AF)
  • Fay Kato (1A/0S/0W/0AF)
  • Shelton Mack (1A/0S/0W/0AF)
  • Cathy Shim (1A/0S/0W/0AF)
  • Toshi Toda (1A/0S/0W/0AF)
  • Ren Urano (1A/0S/0W/0AF)
  • Kelly Vaughn (1A/0S/0W/0AF)

  • (A)ppearance Credit
  • (S)tarring Credit
  • (W)riting Credit
  • Non-Speaking Credit
  • (A)rchival (F)ootage Credit

Last edited by tvmanismadformad; 08/15/2009 at 3:22 AM.
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