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Old 09/18/2008, 1:37 AM
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tvmanismadformad Male tvmanismadformad is offline
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Default The Hills Sketches #1-4 (#1401)

Cast

Singer #1 (Never seen): Nicole Parker
Lauren Conrad: Nicole Parker
Lo Bosworth: Crista Flanagan
Connor Lingus (Never seen): Unknown (If someone does know please post at the bottom)
Anitra: Lauren Pritchard
Penny Trayshun (Never seen): Nicole Parker
Alison: Erica Ash
Cameraman: Unknown (Same with Connor Lingus. If anyone knows comment at bottom)
The Kweefs: Unknown (Again, if anyone knows)
Caress: Keegan-Michael Key

Signs

(When something is in italic and in brackets, this means that it is a descriptive moment).

When this is used, that means the line(s) are/is being said in narroration. It will end when another sign follows.

When this is used, it means the moment is being sung. It will end when another note is followed like so

Sketch

Part #1

(Title showing).

Singer #1: And this show just seems prewritten.

(Flying through Los Angeles skyline).

Lauren Conrad: This season on the Hills, me and Lo are looking for a new roommate to replace Audrina (goes to the guest house where Lauren is walking in the door and starts walking over to the couch were Lo is sitting), who left our guest house to peruse her bikini-acting. It's important our new roommate is fun, and chill, and really good at pretending that she's just a normal girl and not a star of like the biggest show on MTV. Ever (Lauren sits on the couch). Hi

Lo Bosworth: Hey.

Lauren Conrad: Oh, you got cheese.

(Lauren takes a piece).

Lo Bosworth: How was your day?

Lauren Conrad: Boring work stuff.

Lo Bosworth: So (throws magazine she was reading on a table in front of her), I'm excited to pick a new roomies.

Lauren Conrad: Definitely. This cheese is really good.

Lo Conrad: So good.

Lauren Conrad: It's like so good.

(Everything is in slow motion as the girls are eating cheese).

Connor Lingus:Your lips, your face, (caption comes on that says CURRENTLY PLAYING:, Connor Lingus, "A New Taste" in 3 lines at the top right hand corner), my tongue, a new taste.

Lauren Conrad: Oh my God, that must be the first girl! Eek!

Lo Bosworth: Eek!

(Lo, and Lauren run for the door and open it to see Anitra).

Anitra: This is me, this is me, this is not a ghost. I'm Anitra, I know who you are! Ahh, I love this show! Where are the cameras, where are the cameras! Oh my God I shouldn't have said that, I'm so sorry! Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God you two are so pretty! Oh my God, we can be like sisters! My real sisters in a vegetative state. Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God this is... Oh my God, this place is so great! Are the bedrooms back there?! Don't worry I won't sneak in there while you’re sleeping! Why would I say that?! Why would I say that?! Oh my God (scary laugh)!

Lauren Conrad: Um, are you ok?

Anitra: Yeah, yeah, it's going really well! I'm going to get my stuff, ok (runs for the door)! Oh my God, oh my God

(Anitra goes to get her bags. When she leaves Lauren locks the door and blocks it with a chair)!

Lo Bosworth: Well, I thought she was sweet.

Lauren Conrad: So sweet. You know we should totally hang out with more big girls, they're fun.

Lo Bosworth: So fun.

Lauren Conrad: Really, really, fun.

(Anitra at the door).

Anitra: Hey guys, the doors locked. I'll huff, and I'll puff, and I'll blow this house down! Guys, guys? Seriously (yells through the mail slot), don't take this, help me!

(Lo, and Lauren sit on the couch and cover themselves with pillows to conceal them. Part 1 ends).

Part #2

(Title appears)

Singer #1: And the camera's aren't even hidden.

(In the house. Lo and Lauren are playing with string cheese on the couch).

Lauren Conrad: So me and Lo are still looking for a roommate who's laid back and follows her dreams and doesn't mind the tuner paparazzi living on our front lawn, but in the meantime there is other drama to discuss.

Lo Bosworth: So how was your date with Brody?

Lauren Conrad: It was not a date (throws cheese at her. Lo laughs). It was just a couple of normal friends having brunch in Paris. With Diddy, and Ashton, ok.

Lo Bosworth: So I hear you guys...

Lauren Conrad: I don't know (laughs). Maybe.

(both laughs, and then are fooling around with cheese and laughing when music starts playing)

Penny Trayshun: My secret to keep. Were in so deep. (text appears that says CURRENTLY PLAYING:, Penny Trayshun, "Sweet Tonight" in the top right hand corner in 3 lines) Let's do it sweet. Tonight.

(Doorbell rings).

Lauren Conrad: Maybe it's the new roomies?!

(Lo laughs. They both go for the door. Lauren opens it to see Alison).

Alison: Hi!

(Lo and Lauren have a shocked look on their face).

Lauren Conrad: Um, hi can we help you?

Alison: I'm Alison.

Lo Bosworth: Oh, no thank you we don't want any magazine subscriptions.

Alison: No, I was hoping to be your roommate (Lo and Lauren mumble). I am so into fashion, just like you guys. I think we have a lot in common. (Lo and Lauren continue to mumble). Wha-wait, how come you get... Wait, this is Baldwin Hills right?

(Lauren and Lo laugh. Lauren hugs Lo).

Lauren Conrad: No, no. This is the Hills. Baldwin Hills in over on BET

Alison: Oh, I was going to say I have seen some white sisters before, but y'all are just straight up Viking.

(Lo and Lauren mumble as they close the door, and put the chair up against the door).

Lo Bosworth: Oh my God!

Lauren Conrad: It's ok, it's ok. Everything is going to be alright.

(Lauren consoles Lo).

Lo Bosworth: I was so scared.

(Title appears. Part #2 ends).

Part #3

(Title appears).

Singer #1: We have a brain bar of a kitten.

(Lauren and Lo are sitting on the couch).

Lo Bosworth\Lauren Conrad: You want some cheese?

Lauren Conrad: Oh sorry, I thought that was my line. I mean the thing that I would normally say right now.

Lo Bosworth: Look at the cards.

(Shows cameraman with the q cards).

Lauren Conrad: I'm sorry.

Lo Bosworth: It's ok.

Lauren Conrad: I'm sorry, go ahead.

Lo Bosworth: Totally good.

Lauren Conrad: Go ahead.

Lo Bosworth: Want some cheese?

Lauren Conrad: Yeah

(Music begins to play. Text appears in the top right hand corner that says CURRENTLY PLAYING:, The Kweefs, "My Lifetime of Need", in 3 lines).

The Kweefs: This life is so sweet

Caress: I hope you bitches don't mind, I let myself in. What's up roomies my name is Caress, if you want to go down then look under my dress. What's up dodi do do. Oh hell no cheese. Oh yeah, I'm movin in, I was thinking about not movin in but now I'm movin in. Mmm, that's what's up.

(starts cutting the cheese, as Lo and Lauren look on in horror. Title appears. Part #3 ends).

Deleted scene

(Caress is sitting on the couch with Lo and Lauren).

Caress: You know Heidi, and Spencer? Everything they be doin is just like a negative vibe. You know what I'm sayin, me personally, I'm saying that you all should just cut them out your life (Lo agrees). With a knife I mean. You can cut um in the face.

Lauren Conrad: Caress don't. Don't be... Come on now.

Lo Bosworth: No...

Caress: Listen to me y'all. A knife will solve...

Lauren Conrad: You can't do that with a knife.

Caress: A knife will solve so many problems in this world. (To Lo) How come you don't say something?

Lo Bosworth: (Laughs I do.

Caress: See she...

Lauren Conrad: She's shy. She's not use to being on reality television like me.

Lo Bosworth: I like it, and everything.

Caress: You do?

Lo Bosworth: Yeah, I just don't want to talk bad about people, or anything.

Caress: I think we should talk bad about Heidi and Spencer though. I think we should continue talking about my idea. We should stab them.

Lauren Conrad: No. Caress you got nice legs.

Caress: Thank you so much they are my prize position.

Lauren Conrad: Do you work out?

Caress: I do sometimes and sometimes I'll be working, then the police will come by, and then I will run. And sometimes that's my exercise. You run in these shoes. When you run in these shoes, we, we rebuild...

Lauren Conrad: What?!

Caress: Re, re.

Lauren Conrad: Caress! What happened to your voice!?

Caress: Uh, I got... Uh... I got Elmer Phud's Disease (everyone laughs). Hold on, this is no laughing matter (everyone laughs).

(Ends).

Deleted scene (at the closing of the episode).

(Anitra is banging on the door).

Anitra: Oh ha, ha, funny prank guys, funny. But no seriously, I'm ready to come in now. Let's be best friends here, come on (starts to cry). I'm really hungry. I want you to see me. I know you have cheese in there I can smell it! Come on!

(Ends).

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Last edited by tvmanismadformad; 07/20/2009 at 7:15 PM.
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  #2  
Old 09/18/2008, 1:42 AM
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I would like to point out a hidden joke in these sketches that I don't think many of you noticed from the 2nd sketch. It is in this part.

Penny Trayshun: My secret to keep. Were in so deep. (text appears that says CURRENTLY PLAYING:, Penny Trayshun, "Sweet Tonight" in the top right hand corner in 3 lines) Let's do it sweet. Tonight.

Say the singers name over and over. Eventually it will form one possably dirty word, and if you listen to the lyrics, the song is very sextual. I haven't heard anyone talk about this so I don't think a lot of people noticed, but when I did I laughed so hard when I found out!

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Last edited by tvmanismadformad; 09/18/2008 at 9:12 AM.
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  #3  
Old 09/18/2008, 3:01 AM
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Lmao! I noticed that! That's pretty clever!
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Old 09/18/2008, 1:44 PM
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LOL! PENNY-TRAYSHUN! That's f**king hillarious! Thanks TVMAN! And these transcripts are great, btw!

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  #5  
Old 09/18/2008, 7:27 PM
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They have great writers over there at MADtv.

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  #6  
Old 09/18/2008, 7:59 PM
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Hey, can someone PM me? I can't figure out the Connor Lingus one. I'm usually really good at these! It is probably something really obvious....

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Old 09/18/2008, 9:00 PM
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oh my gosh! that was so funny.

Penny Trayshun!!! thats funny man!
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  #8  
Old 09/18/2008, 9:25 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nicoleparkerfan8 View Post
Hey, can someone PM me? I can't figure out the Connor Lingus one. I'm usually really good at these! It is probably something really obvious....
String the words together. It's a hidden joke on oral sex (?).

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Old 09/19/2008, 6:47 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by edkedkedk View Post
String the words together. It's a hidden joke on oral sex (?).
I knew THAT...

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  #10  
Old 09/19/2008, 10:58 AM
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Watch the sketches here on my YouTube!:

Anitra
Alison
Caress
Caress and Anitra's Deleted scenes

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