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  #1  
Old 11/27/2007, 11:10 PM
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Rurry Male Rurry is offline
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Default Bon Qui Qui at King Burger (#1308)

Bon Qui Qui at King Burger


CAST:
Anjelah Johnson - Bon Qui Qui
Crista Flanagan - Customer #1
Bobby Lee - Customer #2
Arden Myrin - Customer #3
Michael McDonald - Mr. Williams
Keegan-Michael Key - Duayne
-----------------

[Bon Qui Qui is shown at the register for King Burger, talking on her cell phone]

Bon Qui Qui [on phone]: So Marcus was supposed to meet me yesterday and he didn't even show up. Girl I will cut him. Girl yes I will, remember last time alright when he had said he didn't hook up with Tracy...

[Customer #1 is seen approaching the register]

Bon Qui Qui [on phone]: ...girl I cut him. Oh yes I did girl!

Customer #1: Excuse me...

Bon Qui Qui [on phone]: Yes I did! Yes I...

[sees Customer #1]

Bon Qui Qui: Uh, do you see me in the middle of a conversation? Don't interrupt. Rude.

[Customer #1 looks baffled]

Bon Qui Qui: Girl I'm gonna have to call you back.

[Annoyed, Bon Qui Qui hangs up the phone]

Bon Qui Qui: Welcome to King Burger, where we could do it your way...but don't get crazy.

Customer #1: Sorry...can I get a number 6 with a cookies 'n' cream milkshake?

Bon Qui Qui: *groans*. You sure you don't just want a Coke?

Customer #1: ...Pardon?

Bon Qui Qui: Now I gotta get the ice cream out, gotta get all the cookies in it, I don't even know how to use that blender - I gotta be pressin' all these crazy buttons...no. You could have a coke. [on loudspeaker] Lemme get a #6 with a large coke. Next.

Customer #2: Hi, I'll have a #3 with no cheese, no tomato, and no lettuce.

Bon Qui Qui: Dang, anything else?! [on loudspeaker] I got a complicated order. *glares at the customer*. Lemme get a #3 with no cheese, no tomato...

Customer #2: Wait, wait, wait - I'm sorry, I...

Bon Qui Qui: Um, excuse me, sir. You see me tryin' to put in my order? Don't interrupt. Rude. [on loudspeaker] ...and no lettuce. That's it. [to customer] What?

Customer #2: I changed my mind about the cheese.

Bon Qui Qui: Oh, now you want some cheese?

Customer #2: Yes!

Bon Qui Qui: You see me puttin' in the order. Why didn't you say nothin' in the first place?

Customer #2: I tried to, but...

Bon Qui Qui: Uh-uh! No, sir! Don't get loud with me sir, do NOT get loud with me! Oh no! SECURITY, security, this dude needs to go.

Mr. Williams: Bon Qui Qui...

Bon Qui Qui: Oh hey Mr. Williams. How you doin' today, sir?

Mr. Williams: I've had better days, Bon Qui Qui. This is the fifth time you've called security today. Now how many times do I have to tell you, you cannot call security just because someone has a complicated order.

Bon Qui Qui: Is that what you had said?

Mr. Williams: Yes, that's what I had said.

Bon Qui Qui: Oh, ok...you right, Mr. Williams. My bad, i'm sorry. Next, please.

Customer #3: Hi, can I get a number five with a boneless skinless chicken that is slightly seasoned.

Bon Qui Qui: HAHA! No. SECURITY! Security, this chick needs to go. Needs to go.

Mr. Williams: Bon Qui Qui, what?

Bon Qui Qui: Sir, she was tryin' to fight me, sir.

Customer #3: No I wasn't!

Bon Qui Qui: I will CUT you.

Mr. Williams: I'm sorry, she's with our "out of the hood" program.

[Duayne enters the restaurant]

Bon Qui Qui: Oh, shoot...hey, Duayne! [fixes her hair]

Duayn: Hey, what's goin' on, Bon Qui Qui?

Bon Qui Qui: I didn't know you come here!

Duayn: Yeah, I ain't on no house arrest no more.

Bon Qui Qui: Oh yeah? Ok, whatchyu wanna order, boo?

Duayne: Lemme get a #3, and instead of fries, lemme have some onion rings.

Bon Qui Qui: Ok, that's all you want? I know what I want! Oooh! Lemme put in your order.

[She starts beatboxing on the loudspeaker]

Bon Qui Qui: On the mic is a queen, now listen to me sing, he wants a number three and a super-sized onion ring.

[Duayne starts dancing]

Bon Qui Qui: He could come out the house with no ankle bracelet on, but it's got two strikes so don't get his order wrong.

[Customer #1 and #2 watch in horror]

Bon Qui Qui: We know I'm really, and there's nothing you can say, but if you get with me we can do it your way! Haay!!

[Bon Qui Qui dances over to Duayne]

Customer #1: Can I get some ketchup...? I need ketchup...

Customer #2: Yeah, I never got a sandwich!

Mr. Williams: Bon Qui Qui!

Bon Qui Qui: SECURITY!

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Last edited by Rurry; 11/28/2007 at 9:28 PM.
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  #2  
Old 11/28/2007, 9:09 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rurry View Post
[b]

[She starts beatboxing on the loudspeaker]

Bon Qui Qui: All right, here's the queen, now listen to me sing, he wants a number three and a super-sized onion ring.

[Duayne starts dancing]

Bon Qui Qui: He could come out the house with no ankle bracelet on, but it's got two strikes so don't get his order wrong.

[Customer #1 and #2 watch in horror]

Bon Qui Qui: You know I'm lookin' cute, so do what I say, but since you're lookin' cute we could do it your way! Haaay!

I love this sketch LOL thanks Rurry for the transscript, but I think the above part goes like

Bon Qui Qui: On the mic is a queen, now listen to me sing He wants a Number 3 super size onion Rings

Bon Qui Qui: He could come out the house with no ankle bracelet on, but it's got two strikes so don't get his order wrong.

Bon Qui Qui: We know I'm really, and there's nothing you can say, but if you get with me we can do it your way! Haay!!

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  #3  
Old 11/28/2007, 9:29 PM
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Ok, thanks. The rapping part kind of confused me.

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  #4  
Old 11/28/2007, 9:32 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rurry View Post
Bon Qui Qui at King Burger

[Customer #1 and #2 watch in horror]
Your welcome , by the way this is my favorite part of your transcript

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  #5  
Old 11/28/2007, 10:17 PM
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I loved this sketch too! She did a great job!

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  #6  
Old 04/15/2008, 6:56 AM
MZCUTESASSYMAMI Female MZCUTESASSYMAMI is offline
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This Is Some Really Crazy Stuff On Here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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  #7  
Old 04/25/2009, 1:21 PM
joeOnSunset Male joeOnSunset is offline
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Hi guys. The lyrics above have the last line wrong. The correct lyrics are:


On the mic is a queen, now listen to me sing.
He wants a number 3, super size onion rings.

He could come out the house with no ankle bracelet on, but he's got two strikes so don't get his order wrong.

You know I'm lookin' cute, and there's nothing you can say,
but if you get with me we can do it your way. Hey.
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