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  #1  
Old 05/28/2004, 11:30 PM
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Dartanian Male Dartanian is offline
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Default Angela: Funniest Home Videos (#905)

Angela: America’s Funniest Home Video’s

Angela: Stephnie Weir
Billy: Josh Meyers
Natalie: Paul Vogt

(Billy turns on camera)

Billy: Do you even know what we’re doing?

Natalie: Yeah, uh, Angela wants to stage an America’s funniest home video moment. She wants the ten thousand dollars. It’ll be fun! (Pokes out tongue)

Billy: Is that show even on anymore?

Natalie: Yeah it is in Canada. We love it! (Pokes out tongue)

Angela (In background, frustrated): Hey are you guys recording?

Natalie: No, the red light’s on, that means it’s off.

Billy: Hey Angela, are we gonna split the money?

Angela: No! It is not about the money, it’s about the art. Okay, okay you guys come here! All right listen. Billy, you’re gonna be one of those stupid boys who lets fireworks go off in their hand. Haha, here’s a lighter. And don’t worry, I’ll be off camera with this (holds up hose) waiting to put out whatever part of you catches fire. Natalie, you just run the camera, just hit record when I say so.

Natalie: Okay!

Angela: All right, you ready? Record!

(Billy lights firework and Natalie unknowingly turns off the camera)

(Camera comes back on and half of Angela’s hair is on fire)

Angela (Putting out her burnt hair): Aaaaaah! God! Jeez!

Billy: I’m sorry!

Angela: Gosh Billy! You’re not supposed to point them at people!

Natalie: Are you okay?

Angela: Yes, Jeez!

Billy: You had the hose, you should have sprayed yourself earlier!

Angela (Hitting Billy): You dummy! You’re demoted Billy, to camera man!

Billy: Oh man!

Angela: Now Natalie, you get to star in this Funniest Home Video classic, ‘Woman gets hit in the head by golf club’

Natalie: Okay!

Angela (Picking up golf club): Okay Natalie, I took stage combat at Drama Camp so I know how to make this look real. All right, you just stand a little bit behind me, and then whenever I swing back like this (Swings back towards Natalie’s face) you pretend like you got hit in the head.

Natalie (Running around acting dramatic): Ow, oh my face! My beautiful face! My modelling career, I’ll never have one! Aaaaaaah! Billy! Billy! Hehehe (runs back to Angela)

Angela: You know at Drama Camp, that’s called upstaging and it’s not a good thing Natalie. Okay, is everybody ready? Kay, look oblivious Natalie! Record!

(Billy unknowingly turns off camera as Angela swings)

(Camera comes back on with Natalie unconscious on the ground in Angela’s arms with blood coming from her head, mouth and nose)

Angela: Oh my God! Billy, I killed Natalie!

Billy: Oh, Natalie!

Angela: Wake up Natalie!

Billy: I told you this was a bad idea!

Angela: I know that now! I know that now! Wake up Natalie, please be all right!

(Natalie coughs up blood and wakes up)

Natalie: I’m okay… I’m…

Billy: You gotta be okay, you’re my favourite cousin Natalie!

Natalie: I’m okay…

Angela: Can you see me Natalie? Look at me, can you hear me?

Billy (Running off screen): I’ll get some paper towels.

Natalie: You know, the camera should be on because you could film this for real life medical emergencies…

Angela: Billy! Hit record! Oh dear God, if you let her live, I promise I will never do anything so stupid ever again!

(Billy unknowingly turns off the Camera)

(The Camera comes back on)

Angela (In front of her Dad’s car): Okay, you guys! This one is called runaway car! (Natalie stumbles on screen with a paper tepee on her head) Natalie, jeez, you’re not camera friendly right now, I can’t use you Natalie.

Natalie: Oh, oh okay! (Natalie stumbles off screen)

Angela: That’s the brakes!

Natalie: Oh, okay!

Angela: You’re in Billy! Yeah!

(Billy jumps onto the screen showing off)

Angela: Okay, now I’m gonna lay down in the front seat of Dad’s car and when I put it in neutral, it’ll start rolling down the driveway and then…

Billy: Then I’ll run into the street and go ‘Ahahaha oh woah my car!’

Angela: Yeah, yeah yeah and you try to stop it.

Billy: Okay

Angela: Okay, here we go! (Running towards car) Okay hit record Natalie!

Natalie: Okay!

(Natalie unknowingly turns off the camera)

(Camera comes back on and the car has run over Billy, separating his upper and lower body which lay sprawled from under the car)

Angela (Getting out of car): Billy!

Natalie: Aaaah Billy!

Angela: Oh my gosh billy! Billy, are you okay? Oh my gosh my Dad’s gonna kill us! Get the car of him we gotta push the car of him (Natalie and Angela try to lift the car off Billy) Get it back in the garage, Billy! Come on, Billy! Wake up, we are in so much trouble!

(Battery in the video camera dies and the scene ends)

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  #2  
Old 05/29/2004, 6:06 AM
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funny_guy Male funny_guy is offline
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Awesome transcript Jim, this sketch is so funny

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  #3  
Old 05/29/2004, 6:18 AM
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PAULfan Male PAULfan is offline
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This is my most favorite Angela sketch ever! Natalie ROCKS! So funny about her face and her modeling career. I love it!
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  #4  
Old 03/22/2005, 5:12 PM
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Steph Weir Fan Female Steph Weir Fan is offline
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i luved when Natalie came back and her head was rapped all weird...it was soo funny

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  #5  
Old 08/13/2005, 2:58 PM
Texas Male Texas is offline
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Quote:
(Camera comes back on and the car has run over Billy, separating his upper and lower body which lay sprawled from under the car)
It looks like it cut him in half, but she could have also hit ANOTHER person. Because she was talking to him like he was still alive. And the "other half's" feet moved when she got out of the car.
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