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Old 03/04/2009, 3:15 AM
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Default The Blind Kung Fu Master Returns (#1410)


Skoti Collins: Captain Justice
Eric Price: Destructor
Bobby Lee: The Blind Kung Fu Master


(When something is in brackets and italicized, that means that it is a descriptive moment).

= Laughter.


(In Destructor's Layer).

Destructor: Looks like I've won this time Captain Justice. Now it's your turn to die! Check this out!

(Destructor blasts Captain Justice with a Power Pulse ray).

Captain Justice: No! No!

(Captain Justice vanishes).

Destructor: Now no one will be able to defeat Destructor and the world will bow at Destructor's knees (Destructor Laughs)!

The Blind Kung Fu Master (Off-Screen): He who pounds at the tiger of reed, often finds that the crane collects the bill.

Destructor: What? Who, who is that?

The Blind Kung Fu Master: It is I!

The Blind Kung Fu Master (Does a ninja move but finds his foot then caught in a waste paper basket)! What is this a bear trap?

Destructor: It's a waste paper basket.

The Blind Kung Fu Master: What kind of super villain has a waste paper basket in a secret layer?!

Destructor: A tidy one.

The Blind Kung Fu Master: Come on buddy, help me out, I am blind.

Destructor: Oh, I'll help you. To die!

The Blind Kung Fu Master: Hold it right there cool stuff. I've got these ancient magical dust made from the rarest Chinese herbs ()! It will send you back into time whoo! Enjoy!

(Magical sound is made as The Blind Kung Fu Master blows the herb in Destructor's direction and laughs).

Destructor: No! Wait, wait what is that pauperise? What is that?

The Blind Kung Fu Master: Oh my god, it is pauperise.

Destructor: Tastes delicious.

The Blind Kung Fu Master: Damn it! I let my cousin stay with me for one day and he moves everything around.

Destructor: Enough my silly friend, it's time for me to kill you.

(Blind Kung Fu Master moans, and is shot with the Power Pulse).

The Blind Kung Fu Master: Oh good gravy, my head! Wait a second. Oh my God, I can see!

Destructor: Wha, wha...

The Blind Kung Fu Master: Sweet Sunday in July yes hello I can see.

Destructor: Oh my God, my Power Pulse must have re-connected your optic nerve, restoring your sight.

The Blind Kung Fu Master: Yeah, yeah, hey buddy you have a mirror?

Destructor: What?

The Blind Kung Fu Master: A mirror damn it, I've never seen myself before.

Destructor: It's right over there on the wall.

(Blind Kung Fu Master walks over to the mirror).

The Blind Kung Fu Master: Holy samole. I'm smaller than I ever thought.

Destructor: Mm hm.

The Blind Kung Fu Master: And I am Asian.

Destructor: Yeah.

The Blind Kung Fu Master: And what's up with this outfit, I mean who is my tailor, Yoda? It's like I robbed a hobbit or something, and what's up with this facial hair. What's with this eye!

It's like a bird pooped in my eye!

Destructor: Alright that's enough! Now I will destroy you!

The Blind Kung Fu Master: Now hold on a second wise guy alright. Now there’s a lot of things I've always wanted to see um. Hey, do you have, what do they call internet porn?

Destructor: Well I, I have a computer.

The Blind Kung Fu Master: Yes.

(Blind Kung Fu Master walks over to the computer).

Destructor: Yes but, no, no, no, no, no you see this is my work computer alright, and what are you... Chunky MILF's?

The Blind Kung Fu Master: Oh, that's what it look like. All the years I wasted on the upper back.

Destructor: Alright that's it (unplugs computer). Enough! Those Chunky MILF's will be the last thing you ever see.

The Blind Kung Fu Master: Oh yeah?

(Blind Kung Fu Master punches Destructor in the face).

Destructor: Ow!

The Blind Kung Fu Master: Oh my God, it's so much easier to punch when you see what you’re punching (Blind Kung Fu Master does a jig and hits Destructor in the groin, and then whacks Destructor over the head with his stick, knocking him out). Man, I was at such a huge disadvantage before. I like seeing.

Ah, what we got here, oh my God what are these (Picks up some binoculars)? Super glasses (Wears them). Oh wow (A light appears out the window)! What is this? The dawn. For many moons I felt the sun on my face, but I never enjoyed it with my own eyes. This has gotta be great (Looks at it through the binoculars). Ohh beautiful Ahh! My eyes! Oh my God, I'm blind again. Hey Distructo. Hey buddy.

Destructor: What!

The Blind Kung Fu Master: Wake up (Blind Kung Fu Master pokes Destructor as he comes to) please. This is so unfair. Can you shoot me with the Power Pulse again?

Destructor: Never!

The Blind Kung Fu Master: Ohh, now you pissed me off, and now you're going to die my friend.

(Blind Kung Fu Master runs for Destructor but misses him and breaks through the window).

Destructor: Well I am a bit curious (Walks over to the computer and sits down). Oh yeah! (Rolls up a cloth on his lap, symbolizing that he is about to masturbate to the chunky MILF's. Sketch ends).


Rise from the Dead!

Planet MADtv (August 28th 2002- August 28th 2009, August 28th 2010)
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