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Old 10/15/2003, 6:34 PM
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Default Episode S01E17 (Aired 1996-04-06)

Opening Line-up
Artie Lange opens the show in the way a sports announcer would announce the line-up for a baseball game, or some other type of sporting event.

Credits: Artie Lange (Himself), Nicole Sullivan (Herself), Orlando Jones (Himself), Mary Scheer (Herself), Debra Wilson (Herself), David Herman (Himself), Phil LaMarr (Himself), Bryan Callen (Himself)

O.J. Video Bloopers
Everyone loved The O.J Interview. The first interview with the controversial O.J Simpson (Orlando Jones) after he was acquitted of the charge of murder for the deaths of his wife Nicole Brown Simpson and her friend Ronald Goldman. Now enjoy what everyone didn't see in The O.J Simpson Interview: Bloopers, Blunders, and Boners, featuring some of the biggest blunders of the century. Such as O.J asking to take another "stab" at a question, O.J running into his own air conditioner, and O.J trying again, and again, and again to make the glove that he says does not fit him actually not fit him. See the biggest gaffs and shortfalls of one of the most infamous men of the 20th century. The tape is sure to be swiped up quickly, so be sure to kill a copy, at a slashed price of only $29.95.

Credits: Orlando Jones (O.J Simpson), David Herman (Interviewer), Mary Scheer (Director), Artie Lange (Teamster)

Leevis Diaper
A doofus looking man (David Herman) is walking around in Leevis Jeans. Leevis Jeans. They are tight, but not too tight, so they will fit comfotably over adult size diapers.

Credits: David Herman (Man)

That's My White Mama 2 #1
On March 9th, 1996, The WB aired the most controversial, but most watched television show of all time That's My White Mama, and despite being trashed by Mya Angeloo, and Bob Dole, the show is back for a second episode. This episode deals with smoking, in a frank, mature matter. In this episode, Robert (Phil LaMarr) is pressuring Shaquana Curtis (Debra Wilson) to smoke. Shaquana however doesn't want to smoke, because if she does, her mother, Mrs. Curtis (Artie Lange) could be detrimental to her behind. After pressuring her, Shaquana tries a puff, but coughs due to the smoke so loud that Mrs. Curtis comes down. Shaquana and Robert try to clear the smoke away, but Mrs. Curtis can smell the stank on her. She tells them not to smoke, and to go out and get her a packet of menthol cigarettes, because she loves menthols. As they leave, Mr. Curtis (Orlando Jones) comes home. He has yet to make relations with Mrs. Curtis since she went through the change, and is scared to be in the same room with her alone. Mrs. Curtis wants to start having a sex life with Mr. Curtis again, but he wants no part of it. Unfortunately, Mrs. Curtis is now stronger than he is, and forces him up to the bedroom against his will for some lovin.

Credits: Artie Lange (Mrs. Curtis), Debra Wilson (Shaquana Curtis), Phil LaMarr (Robert), Orlando Jones (Mr. Curtis)

In Your Ear #1
Cynthia Bell (Mary Scheer) is manning her new post as news anchor of a Los Angeles news station. She had previously worked in the small state of Delaware, and is unfamiliar with things like how an ear piece works. Her production manager, James Joyce (Orlando Jones) just tells her that it's for signalling cutaways, commercial breaks, and other things of the sorts, but when she goes on, she listen and announces everything that James says to her though the ear piece while doing the action, like "let's slow it down Cynthia", and "turn to the left". She then starts to mix the actual news stories with what's being said through the earpiece, like "and the sandwiches are here in Clemet Falls, Oregon. The show goes into commercial with Cynthia almost oblivious to what he has been saying.

Credits: Mary Scheer (Cynthia Bell), Nicole Sullivan (Tammy), Orlando Jones (James Joyce)

In Your Ear #2
After the commercial break, James in the booth can still hear Cynthia reading out everything he says, so he and the other members in the booth decide to mess with her instead of doing the news, since it is clear that she will never get what the earpiece is for. They give her stories that involve things like telling the audience to shoot any endangered rhinos they see, due to the fact that they are very rare, and valuable, and that president Goofball has told everyone to put potato salad down there pants, firecrackers up there butt, and to jump off of a bridge for John Ridder's birthday.

Credits: Mary Scheer (Cynthia Bell), Nicole Sullivan (Tammy)

Lethal Talkin'
20th Century Fox brings the 4th instalment in the epic Lethal Weapon series. Unfortunately, they were unable to get Mel Gibson to reprise his role as Martin Riggs, so Danny Glover (Orlando Jones) is going into this Lethal Weapon with a whole new partner, who has come to replace the now diseased Martin. It's Montel Williams (Phil LaMarr) as Montel Watson in the new Lethal Weapon 4: Lethal Talkin'. Lethal Talkin' will be filled with shouting matches, pointing, and more yelling than has ever been seen on film before. Roger Murtaugh does want to get killed on his last day on the force because of some hot shot like Montel. As they are arguing, a call comes in from a woman saying that a man, with a gun, Jerry (David Herman) is about to kill someone (Jodie Jinks) on a rooftop. Roger stops his peaty bickering, and goes with Montel to the roof. Montel is already showing how much of a hot head he is, by taking the situation in his own hands. He sets up a panel with an audience to talk Jerry out of what he is doing. He first asks Jerry how long he has been a homicidal vegan Nazi bed wetter for. Jerry tells him that he has been this way for 10 years. When a woman (Debra Wilson) from the audience stands up and tells him that she has been kidnapped 14 times, and that every one of them was guys who didn't respect themselves. Jerry asks her if she has ever been a hostage taker, and that he was doing it not out of respect but out of love. Montel stops him right there, and tells him that he has someone with him who loves Jerry a great deal. His friend Bonnie from high school who had a sex change to become Martina (Nichcalo "Jazzmun" Crayton) just so he could be with him. He lets go of the hostage and runs for Martina, ending the crisis.

Credits: Orlando Jones (Danny Glover: Roger Murtaugh), Bryan Callen (Goodall), Phil LaMarr (Montel Williams: Montel Watson), David Herman (Jerry), Jodie Jinks (Hostage), Debra Wilson (Audience Member), Nichcalo "Jazzmun" Crayton (Martina)

For Your Files Only-Featuring Claudia Schiffer
Claudia Schiffer stars as Jane Bond in 20th Century Fox's way to piggyback on an already successful film series that they do not own the rights to. For Your Files Only. In this movie, an accounting firm, ran by a Ms. Boss (Mary Scheer), and her half witted, staple removal mouthed assistant Part Time Job (Artie Lange) is trying to take over the world. Jane goes undercover at the firm as a temp, but she is fast discovered as more than just a temp, and quickly finds herself in a office of trouble. After escaping from Boss's capture, Jane kills Part Time with her super white out, she uses her super stapler to staple Boss to the wall, so the police can obtain her without struggle. The world is now safe from numbers, and work, all due to Bond, Jane Bond.

Credits: Claudia Schiffer (Jane Bond), David Herman (Head of MI6), Artie Lange (Part Time Job), Mary Scheer (Boss)

Spy Vs Spy-Monkey Business **Animation**
White Spy buys an incredibly smart monkey after seeing it grab 4 bananas, and suspend itself by its tail on a tree. He then goes to Black Spy's house, knocks him out with chloroform, and switches it's brain with Black Spy's. When the monkey tries to do the same thing he had learned to do with his tail when he was a monkey, he falls out of the tree, and hurts himself to White Spy's amusement.

Homegirl Surgeons-Featuring Kim Coles
A governor, Rod (Greg Kohout) who was shot through the heart a half hour earlier is in surgery. He is dying fast, and the surgeons have yet to arrive. If they don't come soon, the unqualified doctor (David Herman) will have to go in. All of a sudden the surgeons arrive rhyming, and bringing down the beats. They are Shakraga Malika Stephanie Jackson (Kim Coles), and Bunifa Latifah Halifah Shirifa Jackson (Debra Wilson) who are the Nobel Prize winners for their invention of the solar powered heart. They immediately go to work on Rod, and pull out the bullet in seconds. As they sew him up, the doctor points out to them that they are beginning to losing him. When he flat lines, the girls are determined to revive him with the paddles, as they don't want him skipping out on the bill. When it doesn't work, they yell at him to get his funky ass up, and he comes to.

Credits: David Herman (Doctor), Greg Kohout (Rod), Nicole Sullivan (Doctors Aid), Bryan Callen (Rod's Aid), Kim Coles (Shakraga Malika Stephanie Jackson), Debra Wilson (Bunifa Latifah Halifah Shirifa Jackson)

A woman (Nicole Sullivan) with a large birthmark is walking around as a man (Artie Lange) stares at her Leevis Jeans, which are distracting him from her huge birthmark.

Credits: Nicole Sullivan (Woman), Artie Lange (Man)

Intimidation Commercial
Bobby Flynn (Artie Lange) and his dim wit brother Leo Flynn (Bryan Callen) are opening their own stores for the household and they want everyone to come! They have dozens of pieces of merchandise that is not stolen, it just fell off the truck. Bobby and Leo are expecting a large amount of customers, so they are going to call everyone individually to come down to the store. When the first caller, Andy Able doesn't want to come down, Bobby grabs the phone and tells him that he knows where he lives from the phone book, and that that's a rough neighbourhood, where people get their skulls and kneecaps broken. He agrees to come down, and Bobby will use that intimidation tactic for every caller. Come down to Leo & Bobby's Imported Goods for the Household, because they know where you live.

Credits: Bryan Callen (Leo Flynn), Artie Lange (Bobby Flynn)

A crazy man (Phil LaMarr) is running around in Leevis Jeans, because he thinks that if he doesn't wear them, people from Mars are going to steal his brain.

Credits: Phil LaMarr (Man)

It is time for the valedictorian for J.D Flippin High School, Stacy Marcolin (Nicole Sullivan) to give her speech. In her speech she quotes such historical figures and dates, like Adolf Hitler's Nationalist Party winning the control of Germany in 1933 after the burning of the Reichstag, and Saddam Hussein's trek into Kuwait to illegally take their oil against international law, to the shock of the present audience. As she quotes more figures, and ends the speech, there are no claps, as the audience sits in horror. Stacy doesn't know what the problem is, and wonders why the audience is so silent.

Credits: Nicole Sullivan (Stacy Marcolin), Phil LaMarr (Man #1), David Herman (Man #2)

Closing/That's My White Mama 2 #2
The cast thanks the guests, and closes. While the credits roll, Mrs. Cutis from That's My White Mama comes on to tell everyone that the cast is going down to Daytona for a break, but they'll be back with some brand new episodes in 6 weeks, so the fans better stay loyal, or she will "break my foot off in your ass". To fill the credits, a scene of Goodall from the Lethal Talkin' sketch shaking his head in the joy of Montel and Roger being good partners is put up.

Credits: Phil LaMarr (Himself), David Herman (Himself), Nicole Sullivan (Herself), Mary Scheer (Herself), Artie Lange (Himself/Curtis), Bryan Callen (Himself/Goodall ((A)rchival (F)ootage), Debra Wilson (Herself), Orlando Jones (Himself)


  • Bryan Callen (3A/1S/0W/1AF)
  • David Herman (5A/2S/0W/0AF)
  • Orlando Jones (5A/1S/0W/0AF)
  • Phil LaMarr (4A/2S/0W/0AF)
  • Artie Lange (4A/4S/0W/0AF)
  • Mary Scheer (3A/3S/0W/0AF)
  • Nicole Sullivan (5A/2S/0W/0AF)
  • Debra Wilson (4A/1S/0W/0AF)

Special Appearances, and Co-Starring:
  • Jodie Jinks (1A/0S/0W/0AF)
  • Nichcalo "Jazzmun" Crayton (1A/0S/0W/0AF)
  • Claudia Schiffer (0A/1S/0W/0AF)
  • Greg Kohout (1A/0S/0W/0AF)
  • Kim Coles (0A/1S/0W/0AF)

  • (A)ppearance Credit
  • (S)tarring Credit
  • (W)riting Credit
  • Non-Speaking Credit
  • (A)rchival (F)ootage Credit

Last edited by tvmanismadformad; 07/12/2009 at 4:33 AM.
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Old 06/29/2009, 6:47 PM
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When a * is seen, that means that the sketch was topical at the time, but doesn't make sense to me now. When * is seen, that means the sketch gets an automatic rating for me possibly not getting it.


Opening Line-up: I think this would have been good for the beginning of the season, but now, with the audience already familiar with the cast, it seemed like just a filler opening. The highlight was when Artie mentioned Nicole's Vancome Lady character getting a movie, and then saying "cha, you know what uh uh!

O.J. Video Bloopers: This was one of the funniest sketches of the season. I loved everything in it from O.J running into the air conditioner, to him getting hit in the groin, but the highlight would have to be when he was trying to say that he didn't kill Ron and Nicole without laughing, and then making the cut motion, which only made him laugh more. Apparently by what I've learned, some of this was actually unscripted, like any moment Artie was in the scene.

*Leevis Diaper: Didn't get it, and wasn't that funny.

That's My White Mama 2 #1: I absolutely love That's My White Mama! Mama can break her foot off in my ass anytime! The highlight was when Mrs. Curtis told Shaquana not to smoke, and then she smokes the cigarette and tells her to go get her a carton of menthols.

In Your Ear #1: Kind of funny. The highlight was when James started making fun of her nose in the booth, and she just says it out loud, and doesn't even seem to know what she said.

In Your Ear #2: I'm not that sure if there was a need for a second one of these.

Lethal Talkin': A bit of a stretch for a parody, but it was still ok. I do wish that there could have been more of Danny Glover through.

For Your Files Only-Featuring Claudia Schiffer: This has to be one of the worst guest appearances in show history. It was just so uncreative, and out of place. How and why did they get Claudia Schiffer?! The highlight was Artie as Part Time Job, just because of the funny staple removal mouth.

Spy Vs Spy-Monkey Business **Animation**: This has to be the worst Spy Vs. Spy ever. Why would White Spy take all that time to switch Black Spy, and the monkey's brains. Couldn't he have just chloroformed him, and then killed him right there? Also, he makes the monkey fall out of the tree as Black Spy's body, but while he's doing this, Black Spy in the monkey's brain in going to his safe, cracking it, and stealing his top secret plans. Why didn't he compensate for that?!

Homegirl Surgeons-Featuring Kim Coles: The first appearance of Bunifa Latifah Halifah Shirifa Jackson, but the funniest part was when Ron still had the bullet in him but from one angle, you could see that he was still awake with no anesthetic. He was blinking, and being really calm. Who would be wide awake and calm while they are in surgery getting a bullet removed from their chest? The highlight was when Shakraga Malika Stephanie Jackson and Bunifa Latifah Halifah Shirifa Jackson first walking rhyming. It was funny.

*Leevis-Birthmark: Again, not funny, but Nicole is still hot, even with that birthmark.

Intimidation Commercial: Not side splittingly funny, but funny. The highlight was Bobby, who was so funny, especially when he was getting mad at Leo.

*Leevis-Nuts: Just not good, but I do give the makeup crew credit. I barley even recognized Phil.

Valedictorian: When my commencement was going to be happening a few weeks ago, I actually thought of this sketch. It would be so hilarious if that really happen. The highlight was Nicole, who really took this Stacy role and made it great.

Closing: Typical closing. Nothing really special about it.

That's My White Mama 2 #2: I will obey Mama and stay true to MADtv, because if I don't, she'll break her foot off in my ass. No one beats MAD. No one!

Out of 80 stars, this episode got 48 1/2 stars. That's about a C- rating. Some good sketches, but I feel MADtv may be starting to slip. This episode wasn't really that funny, and it's kind of scary if this is the ideas they have.


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