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Old 09/25/2004, 12:25 AM
Dark Monarch Male Dark Monarch is offline
Only Passing Through
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: AnywhereIdamnwellplease
Posts: 971
Default Talking to G.O.D.

Monday, July 19th, 2004
4:42 am War Story time...
Just thought I would jot down a story or two to make myself chuckle ( and so that my fading memory doesn't forget... lol. )

Im sure those who know me through IM's, Planet Mad Tv, Kayfabe Memories and whatnot have heard me refer to " Calling God ". ( This is one of my favorite college stories to tell. ) It was sometime in the mid part of the Autumn 1995 semester, Im thinking October, but I could be wrong. ( Six fifths of MD 20/20 a day can do that to a person's memory... ) It was four in the morning, and I was sloshed. Jeff, Mike ( both sloshed ) and Chuck ( who didn't go to college with me, nor did he drink ) were there. Beavis and Butthead were on. We were in the lobby of Sanford Hall and bored ****less. As Kenny Rogers might say, " ... too tired to sleep... " You know the routine.

Anyway, Jeff started talking about this guy in Washington, DC that thought he was " God " and had an 800 number and the whole nine yards. To answer the question I know you're asking yourselves, we were drunk and bored, what do YOU think? Of COURSE we called. We needed to speak with The Allmighty, and since this WAS a free call ( 800 number, right? How thoughtful. That way we could spend on money on booze and laundry. )

The lobby was set up with a regular phone inside and a phone that only dialed campus numbers outside. We decided to do a three way phone call, so TWO of us could listen in to the words of wisdom from God himself. So we dial the 800 number ( 1-800-DIAL-GOD ) and then make the three way connection. After going through the automated system, we finally get The Archangel, I mean, a human being on the line. The ensuing conversation actually happened. I swear. Not to God ( not even to G.O.D. ) but I swear Im not making this **** up.

Them: G.O.D.?
Us: God? How's it going?
Them: God? What? Who is this?
Us: I need to speak to God please.
Them: Speak to God? Have you tried church? Prayer?
Us: Listen, I need to speak to God. You know, The Big G, The man upstairs, The G guy... ya know? God.
Them: He, uh... stepped out for a moment. Wait a sec, here he is... ( deeper voice ) YES, MY SON!
Us: God, where are you?
Them: Mount Cyanide.
Us: God I have this problem I need help with. There's this girl I want to marry. Ok, I want a meaningful relationship. Ok, Ok, I just want to get in her pants... The problem is, she won't **** me unless I have a sex change operation and become a woman and she has a sex change operation and becomes a man. Which is kind of bizarre, but I AM a lesbian trapped inside a man's body...
Them: ( interrupting ) Hey, look... I appreciate the joke and all, but let me clarify in case you ARE serious. G.O.D. means " Guaranteed Overnight Delivery ", but in YOUR case, I think it means " Get Off Drugs! "
******* At this point we're laughing so hard, we have to hang up.******

I miss those days, dearly. More to follow. If anyone reads this and likes it, please comment.
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Old 09/25/2004, 1:14 PM
DreaStrikesBack's Avatar
DreaStrikesBack Female DreaStrikesBack is offline
Chunk up the deuce
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Casinos
Posts: 130
lmao thats one of the funniest stories ive ever heard

! Unwissenheit ist ein Segen !

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Old 09/25/2004, 4:24 PM
i like madtv's Avatar
i like madtv Male i like madtv is offline
O YEAH?! o no.
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Redlands, CA
Posts: 400

now i KNOW everyone has just missed the hell out of me , so ive decided to come back and post more often! *cricket chirps, as expected*....meow.
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Old 09/25/2004, 6:40 PM
Dark Monarch Male Dark Monarch is offline
Only Passing Through
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: AnywhereIdamnwellplease
Posts: 971
Default Any and everyone can check out my war stories

by going to www.livejournal.com

I post there as wtfnamecaniuse

Don't ask...lol.
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Old 09/26/2004, 12:05 PM
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Mxz Female Mxz is offline
<3 True Love <3
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Not in Your House...
Posts: 2,289
"War Stories" Sure........... It's Sorta LIke those Emerald Nuts Commercials Only It's Using G.O.D. Not E.M.

*Good Ole Dogs.........Wait That's Not Funny.......That Doesn't Even Make Sense!*


*disclaimer: this post is not intendid to offend male homosexuals due to it's flamboyancy...any discrepencies from this post need be discussed in a pm to the poster thank you!

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