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  #1  
Old 04/05/2008, 8:10 PM
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Season 14 is Here!
 
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Default The Cameraman with the Beard Ghost (#1312)

Gayle Collins: Crista Flanagan
Margret: Nicole Parker
Fan#1: Arden Myrin
Fan#2: Daheli Hall
Gayle's Soulmate?: Dan Oster
Gayle's Soulmate? #2: Michael McDonald
Cameraman with The Beard: Keegan-Michael Key
Announcer: Jordan Peele


*Applause*

Margret:
Welcome to the 2008 Ladies Supporting Woman Seminar!

*More Applause*

Margret:
Author Gayle Collins is here tonight! Yes!

*More Applause!*

Margret:
Whoa! Gayle first burst onto the scene 10 years ago with her first self help book for single woman entitled Finding You’re Soul Mate.

*Images of Gayle are shown, and she is very excited to promote her book*

Margret:
Five years later she followed it up with her second book Keep Looking. He’s Out There Alright

*A little less excited Gayle is shown on the screen, but still happy*

Margret:
And tonight she is here to promote her latest book No One’s Coming… Oh, please welcome Gayle Collins!

*Gayle comes out and looks very depressed and isn’t dressed as nice as before*

Margret:
Whoa, how are you? So…so Gayle. You look…great! Uh you’re title is very bleak, now certainly there is someone out there for all of us right?!

Gayle:
Margret, I’ve been researching 20 years…No one’s coming.

Nicole:
That’s very daring, ha ha, oh oh we have a question yes

*Gayle lights a cigarette*

Fan #1:
Gayle, first of all I just want to tell you that I loved Finding Your Soulmate; I followed all your great tips on bumping into him at the supermarket!

Gayle:
Did it work?

Fan #1:
Not yet!

Gayle:
Yeah, that’s because he’s not coming…

Margret:
Gayle, I’m confused as to why you even wrote this book!

Gayle:
I have a five book deal…

Fan #1:
So there’s another book on the way!

Gayle:
Yeah, It’s called Sorry I Told Someone Was Coming…

*Fan #1 sits down very disappointed*

Gayle:
But uh this one has some helpful tips, uh where to buy cheap cigarettes, and uh how to buy tissues in bulk, and uh oh right here it uh talks about how I get my Christmas shopping done on the Summer.

Fan #2:
What about the exercises on meeting him, that special man?

Gayle:
Yeah I’m not going to spend your time, but uh I did bring these fun patches we could iron on to our sweatshirts.

*Fan #2 sits down in shock*

Margret:
Uh Gayle, aren’t concerned that some of these women will read your harsh message and do something drastic?

Gayle:
Yeah, that’s why I brought this pamphlet Don’t Kill Your Self; He’s Not in Heaven Either, Because There Isn’t One

Margret:
Okay…No, No Ladies, Ladies please don’t leave, don’t leave!

*Once Fans are walking off stage*

Gayle:
I hope their not going looking for him because he’s not coming.

Gayle’s Soulmate?:
Excuse me? I just wanted to say that your real special Gayle, and I think your soulmate is closer then you realize.

Gayle:
Wow, you really think so?

*Gayle wears a big smile*

Not Gayle Soulmate:
Yeah I sure do…come on honey.

*The man walks out of the room with wife and baby*

*Gayle is heartbroken*

Margret:
It’s ok, It’s ok, It’s ok

*Margret tries to comfort Gayle*

Margret:
Nic time! Ok, We’re really out of time.

Gayle’s Soulmate #2?:
No hold on second! Uh I think that your book is really important to woman everywhere, I think that what you’ve done is valuable and important and I think you are wonderful.

Gayle:
Wow! You want to grab some dinner?

Not Gayle’s Soulmate #2:
Ehh…your rack is too small.

Margret:
OKAY! We are really out of time! So we’re…

Cameraman:
Wait! Wait! Wait! Wait! Wait! Wait! Hey! Hey! Hey!

*A cameraman with a beard yells out*

Cameraman:
That guy was a jerk! Gayle, you are beautiful and intelligent and it would be my honor to take you out to dinner!

Gayle:
Yeah sure it would!

*Margret stares at Gayle*

Cameraman:
No Really, it would mean a lot to me!

*Gayle seems convinced*

Cameraman:
I’ll be waiting for you outside!

Gayle:
Okay I’ll see you out there!

*Margret’s confused*

Margret:
Gayle, …Gayle who were you talking to?

Gayle:
The camera man with the beard

Margret:
Cameraman with the beard? Well you must mean Eddie…, but he died three years ago…

*Camera zooms to Margret’s face, she seems horrified*

Announcer:
You’ve been watching The Cameraman with the Beard Ghost

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  #2  
Old 07/21/2008, 12:10 PM
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Cupcake: Celebrating S14!
 
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"Don't kill yourself, he's not in heaven, either...because there isn't one!" LOLZ!

Another great transcript!

~Fatima~

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  #3  
Old 08/24/2008, 11:19 AM
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This, along with Race Ghost, was one of the funniest things of season 13 (in my opinion).
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  #4  
Old 11/16/2008, 10:39 AM
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One of my favorite sketches of season 13, and considering its in the same episode as Race Ghost and Juno II, makes it most likely the best episode of the entire season

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  #5  
Old 11/17/2008, 7:30 PM
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Watch the sketch here.

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  #6  
Old 11/17/2008, 8:57 PM
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Thanks! Been wanting to see this one again for a long time. Now we just need the original Race Ghost sketch.

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  #7  
Old 11/18/2008, 3:01 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CristaFan View Post
Thanks! Been wanting to see this one again for a long time. Now we just need the original Race Ghost sketch.
I'm on it! TheOfficeFan21 to the rescue!!

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