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Old 08/15/2004, 7:55 PM
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Default Lorraine Goes to the Dentist (#825)

LORRAINE GOES TO THE DENTIST (#825)
Sketch length - 6:31

Lorraine Swanson...........................MO COLLINS
Dr. Katzenberg................................MICHAEL MCDONALD
Secretary (voice).............................DEBRA WILSON

SECRETARY (voice): Dr. Katzenberg? Your 2:30 whitening appointment is here.

KATZENBERG: Excellent. It'll be a nice, easy way to end the day. Send her in, please.

Lorraine enters. She walks over to the overhead mirror device near the patients chair and pretends to do a chin up.

LORRAINE: Uh-hhh. (taps chair) Uhhhh!



She continues to tap the chair, and even humps it once.

LORRAINE: You got a real sturdy operation here, huh?

KATZENBERG: Uh, yes. Yes we do. And you are here to have your teeth whitened.

LORRAINE: Yeah, yeah. My husband Carl's got me hooked on those Macchiato Frappulates, and boy, they put a real spring in your step but they sure do leave a stain! Uh-hhh!

She pulls down her lower lip.

KATZENBERG: My god. How many of those have you had a day?

LORRAINE: You know...2 or 3, or 40. Uhhh!

KATZENBERG: Well, I like my patients to be comfortable, so I'm going to put on some music.

LORRAINE: Yeah, yeah. Uhhh! Say, you got any of that rapster 50 Cent?

KATZENBERG: I've never heard of him.

LORRAINE: Huh?

KATZENBERG: I don't know.

LORRAINE: Well, that's your loss there, Dr. Ketchup. Kep-Cap. Ket. Kitten.

KATZENBERG: Katzenberg.

LORRAINE: Kit-Kat...Kat...soap.

KATZENBERG: Soap?

LORRAINE: Katz?

KATZENBERG: Dr. Katzenberg.

LORRAINE: Well, let me tell you. If your cat's gonna burp, you're probably givin' it too much milk! Uhhhh!

KATZENBERG: Alright, I'll remember that. Have a seat.

LORRAINE: Uhhhh. Yeah.

She sits down and begins to bounce up and down on the chair.

KATZENBERG: If you could not ride that like a hobby horse...

She picks up a teeth device and begins to bang it against the metal tray.

LORRAINE: God, that's cute.

KATZENBERG: Don't do that. That's a curette.

LORRAINE: Been looking for something like that, I've had an itch between my blades all day.

She sticks it down the back of her shirt and scratches.

KATZENBERG: Please, that's sterile.

LORRAINE: Yeah, so is my husband Carl. Ever since he spilled that hot cup of soup on his danglers.

KATZENBERG: Are you ready to sit back? Just scoot back all the way there.

LORRAINE: You don't have any stirrups on this one, huh?

KATZENBERG: No, we don't. Not unless you have teeth in your vagina.

LORRAINE: Yeah, you know. I'm not real sure about that. Just never been one of them curious gals that wants to get a look at her own gully. Uhhh. (picks up another tool) One of these would sure be useful for that, huh?

KATZENBERG: Yeah, I suppose so. Why don't you go ahead and do it?

She sticks the little mirror object into her pants.

LORRAINE: Cripes, it's like watching Jaws 3.

KATZENBERG: Sit back, please.

Her feet begin to bounce nervously.

KATZENBERG: You nervous?

LORRAINE: Yeah, I'm a little nervous.

KATZENBERG: Here, I'm going to give you something to relax. This'll help you relax? Ready? OK. (slaps her in the face) There you go? Better?

LORRAINE: Yeah.

She slides down in the chair while his back is turned.

KATZENBERG: Please sit all the way up.

He tries to help her up.

KATZENBERG: What are you made of lead?

LORRAINE: Not very strong? Kinda limited your occupation choices, didn't it?

KATZENBERG: Yeah, yeah. It's really hard for me to lift a 200 pound sack of s***.

Lorraine looks down and adjusts her sweater. Mo tries to hide her uncontained laughter. A moment later, she lifts her legs into the fetal position for a moment. Katzenberg pushes her legs down.



KATZENBERG: Okay, I'm going to start with a gentle cleaning.

Mo is still giggling.

KATZENBERG: Are you having a seizure?

LORRAINE: I did a little giggle gas before I got here.

KATZENBERG: I'm going to start, and I'm going to use this.

LORRAINE: Yeah, yeah...

He sticks the suction device into her mouth.

LORRAINE: Uhhh!

He tries again, and twice more, but her coughing gets in the way.

KATZENBERG: Would you put that in yourself, please?

LORRAINE: Put that in myself, boy, if I had a nickel for everytime I heard that.

Instead of putting it in her mouth, she puts it up to Katzenberg's face.

KATZENBERG: Are you having fun?

LORRAINE: Not really.



KATZENBERG: That's going in your mouth. (she puts it on his ear) That hurts. (pause) That's dirty now. That's filthy dirty.

LORRAINE: Huh? Just clean it off, spritz it off with the water there.

She sprays the tip of the suction device with water, spraying Dr. Katzenberg at the same time.

KATZENBERG: Lorraine, stop it! You know, that's it. I want you out. I want you out of my office. Get out!

She continues to spray him with the water.

KATZENBERG: Get out of my office.

LORRAINE: You need one of those balloons on top of your head, and I'd win a plushy!

He takes the water sprayer from her, and points it back at her, spraying it into her open mouth.

KATZENBERG: You like that? How does that feel?

LORRAINE (coughing out water): UHHHH!



KATZENBERG: Get out!

He pushes her out.

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