[MADtv] Sesame Street: Childhood Obesity (#1416)

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Cast:

Gordon: Keegan-Michael Key
Caroll Spinney (Never Seen): Big Bird/Vocabulary Boy: Eric Price
Sally: Crista Flanagan
Billy: Bobby Lee
Vocabulary Girl: Arden Myrin
Count Von Count/Announcer (Never Seen): Johnny Sanchez

Legend:

(When something is in brackets and italicized, that means that it is a descriptive moment).

When a musical note is seen, that means that the lines are being sung. It will end when another musical note follows like so.

Notes:

The choreographed moves will not be included.

Sketch:

(Sesame Street opening. Gordon, Big Bird, and Sally are on Sesame Street).

Gordon: Bottom line, you’re going to have to start cleaning after yourself.

I'm tired of spraying down my walkway.

Caroll Spinney: Big Bird: Ok

Gordon.

Gordon: You don't see me using your nest as a toilet.

Caroll Spinney: Big Bird: I said ok, God! Ever since Obama got elected you have been so uppity.

Gordon: You know I don't care for that word bird (to Sally). You're folly quiet white girl. What is going on?

Sally: I'm worried about Billy



Caroll Spinney: Big Bird: Why?

(Billy walks in, fat and panting).

Billy: Hey guys.



Gordon: Billy! Oh my God! What have you been eating?!

Billy: Just the pizza and donuts they serve in the cafeteria.

Sally: He looks like a Cabbage Patch Kid.

Carol Spinney: Big Bird: More like a Cabbage Fat Kid.

(Gordon lifts his hand like he was going to slap Big Bird).

Gordon: Childhood obesity. Is a very awful thing. And mean names can leave ones self-esteem scorned.

Carol Spinney: Big Bird: Like fat ass, and tub of lard.

Sally: You could live life healthy and ordinary.

Carol Spinney: Big Bird: Or you could be a porker and wait for your coronary.

Billy: Sounds kind of scary.

Gordon: Childhood obesity. Is a real tragedy.



Gordon, Caroll Spinney: Big Bird, and Sally: I'm happy it didn't happen to me.



(Scene shifts to Vocabulary Boy and Girl).

Vocabulary Boy: F.

Vocabulary Girl: ood.

Vocabulary Boy and Girl: Food.



Vocabulary Boy: F.

Vocabulary Girl: uton.

Vocabulary Boy and Girl: Futon.



Vocabulary Boy: F.

Vocabulary Girl: ideo games.

Vocabulary Boy and Girl: Fideo games.



Vocabulary Boy: F.

Vocabulary Girl: atty.

Vocabulary Boy and Girl: Fatty.



(Scene shifts back to Sesame Street, with everyone huddled around Billy, who is playing a Playstation Portable).

Billy: Boosh, boosh.

Gordon (Off-Screen): Billy (off-screen), you are in bad shape.

Billy: I know. I didn't get the morphing septor on level 14.

(Gordon grabs the Playsation Portable and tosses it off-screen, breaking it).

Gordon: Billy, you've got to exercise.

Billy: Ooo.

(Billy gets on the floor in a push up position. Billy struggles to push up. Count appears).

Count Von Count: 1, 1 push up (1 appears next to Billy

Billy collapses halfway through the push up). What? That wasn't even 1. 0 (0 appears in front of Billy),

0 push ups.

(Gordon and Sally pick up Billy).

Sally: Gordon, what are we going to do?

Gordon: There's only one thing we can do (Gerney comes in). Your super fat.

Caroll Spinney: Big Bird and Sally: No doubting that.

(Billy gets on the gerney).

Gordon: It's plain to see.

(Sally and Gordon turn the gerney).

Caroll Spinney: Big Bird and Sally: We all agree.

Gordon: And so you'll have to undergo invasive surgery.

(Push Billy underneath a tarp).

Billy: Surgery on me?

(Bert and Ernie appear to do the surgery).

Gordon: And then you'll fit.

Caroll Spinney: Big Bird and Sally: Just think of it.

Gordon: Into (off-screen) your clothes.

Caroll Spinney: Big Bird and Sally (Off-Screen): A to your toes.

Gordon (On-Screen): So get acquainted with the (liposuction hose, and drainage bucket shown)

liposuction hose.

Billy: Not one of those.

Gordon (Screen Shows Bert and Ernie Performing the Procedure): Once you've had your body (on-screen) fat replaced, and skin replaced, they will

Gordon, Sally, and Caroll Spinney: Big Bird: Cut and elongate your face!



(Scene shifts to a blue screen with the Sesame Street logo in the top left corner, with the letter P in the bottom right corner).



Announcer: Sesame Street is brought to you by the letter P, for Plastic surgery. It's never too early kids.

(Sketch ends).