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Old 04/29/2009, 11:10 PM
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Default Sesame Street: Childhood Obesity (#1416)


Gordon: Keegan-Michael Key
Caroll Spinney (Never Seen): Big Bird/Vocabulary Boy: Eric Price
Sally: Crista Flanagan
Billy: Bobby Lee
Vocabulary Girl: Arden Myrin
Count Von Count/Announcer (Never Seen): Johnny Sanchez


(When something is in brackets and italicized, that means that it is a descriptive moment).

When a musical note is seen, that means that the lines are being sung. It will end when another musical note follows like so.


The choreographed moves will not be included.


(Sesame Street opening. Gordon, Big Bird, and Sally are on Sesame Street).

Gordon: Bottom line, you’re going to have to start cleaning after yourself.

I'm tired of spraying down my walkway.

Caroll Spinney: Big Bird: Ok


Gordon: You don't see me using your nest as a toilet.

Caroll Spinney: Big Bird: I said ok, God! Ever since Obama got elected you have been so uppity.

Gordon: You know I don't care for that word bird (to Sally). You're folly quiet white girl. What is going on?

Sally: I'm worried about Billy

Caroll Spinney: Big Bird: Why?

(Billy walks in, fat and panting).

Billy: Hey guys.

Gordon: Billy! Oh my God! What have you been eating?!

Billy: Just the pizza and donuts they serve in the cafeteria.

Sally: He looks like a Cabbage Patch Kid.

Carol Spinney: Big Bird: More like a Cabbage Fat Kid.

(Gordon lifts his hand like he was going to slap Big Bird).

Gordon: Childhood obesity. Is a very awful thing. And mean names can leave ones self-esteem scorned.

Carol Spinney: Big Bird: Like fat ass, and tub of lard.

Sally: You could live life healthy and ordinary.

Carol Spinney: Big Bird: Or you could be a porker and wait for your coronary.

Billy: Sounds kind of scary.

Gordon: Childhood obesity. Is a real tragedy.

Gordon, Caroll Spinney: Big Bird, and Sally: I'm happy it didn't happen to me.

(Scene shifts to Vocabulary Boy and Girl).

Vocabulary Boy: F.

Vocabulary Girl: ood.

Vocabulary Boy and Girl: Food.

Vocabulary Boy: F.

Vocabulary Girl: uton.

Vocabulary Boy and Girl: Futon.

Vocabulary Boy: F.

Vocabulary Girl: ideo games.

Vocabulary Boy and Girl: Fideo games.

Vocabulary Boy: F.

Vocabulary Girl: atty.

Vocabulary Boy and Girl: Fatty.

(Scene shifts back to Sesame Street, with everyone huddled around Billy, who is playing a Playstation Portable).

Billy: Boosh, boosh.

Gordon (Off-Screen): Billy (off-screen), you are in bad shape.

Billy: I know. I didn't get the morphing septor on level 14.

(Gordon grabs the Playsation Portable and tosses it off-screen, breaking it).

Gordon: Billy, you've got to exercise.

Billy: Ooo.

(Billy gets on the floor in a push up position. Billy struggles to push up. Count appears).

Count Von Count: 1, 1 push up (1 appears next to Billy

Billy collapses halfway through the push up
). What? That wasn't even 1. 0 (0 appears in front of Billy),

0 push ups.

(Gordon and Sally pick up Billy).

Sally: Gordon, what are we going to do?

Gordon: There's only one thing we can do (Gerney comes in). Your super fat.

Caroll Spinney: Big Bird and Sally: No doubting that.

(Billy gets on the gerney).

Gordon: It's plain to see.

(Sally and Gordon turn the gerney).

Caroll Spinney: Big Bird and Sally: We all agree.

Gordon: And so you'll have to undergo invasive surgery.

(Push Billy underneath a tarp).

Billy: Surgery on me?

(Bert and Ernie appear to do the surgery).

Gordon: And then you'll fit.

Caroll Spinney: Big Bird and Sally: Just think of it.

Gordon: Into (off-screen) your clothes.

Caroll Spinney: Big Bird and Sally (Off-Screen): A to your toes.

Gordon (On-Screen): So get acquainted with the (liposuction hose, and drainage bucket shown)

liposuction hose.

Billy: Not one of those.

Gordon (Screen Shows Bert and Ernie Performing the Procedure): Once you've had your body (on-screen) fat replaced, and skin replaced, they will

Gordon, Sally, and Caroll Spinney: Big Bird: Cut and elongate your face!

(Scene shifts to a blue screen with the Sesame Street logo in the top left corner, with the letter P in the bottom right corner).

Announcer: Sesame Street is brought to you by the letter P, for Plastic surgery. It's never too early kids.

(Sketch ends).


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