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Old 10/16/2004, 10:47 PM
Princess PeachC's Avatar
Princess PeachC Male Princess PeachC is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2004
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Default Special Patrick: Bagboy (#824)

Special Patrick: Michael McDonald
Customer: Ike Barinholtz
Belinda: Stephnie Weir

(Scene opens in a Grocery store)

Customer: Hey, how’s it goin?

Belinda: Fine, thanks.

Patrick: Hello! Would you like paper or plastic?

Customer: What ever you have is fine.

Patrick: We have both. That’s why I asked.

Customer: Plastic.

Patrick: You’ll be sorry! You put a plastic bag in your car and all your groceries, you turn around the corner and they just make a big mess. I highly recommend paper! Right Belinda?

Belinda: Oh, you’re the expert, Patrick!

Patrick: Give me a hug!

(Patrick hugs Belinda)

Customer: That will be fine, I’ll take the paper.

Patrick: How about a combo! I take the paper and I put it inside the plastic, that way your bag stands up. Plus, you still have a plastic bag you can use later.

Customer: Sounds good.

Patrick: Plus you still have a paper bag, don’t forget that, you could do anything you want with that. You could put it over your head and cut out holes for your eyes—a scary Halloween mask! Or, you could just use it to cover up your school books, snip, snip, tape, there ya go!

Customer: Those are great ideas! What grade are you in?

Patrick: I’m not at school, I’m 32!

Belinda: Oh, Patrick, this doesn’t have a price on it, this soup.

Patrick: I’ll do a price check!

Customer: Oh, oh, I remember, it was, a, 1.59.

Patrick: I still have to do a price check!

Belinda: Yes you, yes you do, thank-you Patrick.

Patrick: Give me a hug! (Hugs Belinda) PRICE CHECK! (Runs off to get the price)

Belinda: Sorry

(Crashing noise)

Patrick (In the background): Oww!

Belinda: It’ll just take, it’ll just take a second.

Customer: Oh, he can take as long as he wants. I think it’s a great that the store hires people with learning disabilities.

Belinda: Oh, nonono! But, Patrick doesn’t have a learning disability. Patrick, Patrick is just special.

Customer: Yeah, right.

Patrick (Running in the background): Price check! (He knocks stuff over)

(The customer says something that I couldn’t make out)

Belinda: I mean it, I mean it, he truly is special. He has a wisdom more profound than anybody I have ever met in my life.

Customer: I see. I hope, a, this isn’t too forward, but, could I get your phone number?

Belinda: Oh my god, yeah, of course! It’s, a, its easy, 555-01….

(Patrick runs into the scene and stuff falls over)(The customer and Belinda are conversing while Patrick looks back to see what he knocked over)

Patrick: Price check! I got the price check! It’s a good thing I checked, it was a $1.59.

Belinda: Thank-you, Patrick!

Patrick: Can I have a hug?

Belinda: Of course!

(Patrick and Belinda hug)(Patrick looks evil at the customer)

Patrick: Belinda, did you know that a hug is a “one size fits all” gift?

Belinda: No, I, well, I do now, Patrick. (Turns to the customer) Gosh, do you see what I am talking about?

Customer: Yeah, yeah, I think I actually, I read that on a T-Shirt one time.

Patrick: Somebody buys a lot of meals for one.

Customer: That’s because I’m just one person.

Patrick: To, to the world you may be one person, but to you one person, Belinda, you may be the world, Belinda.

Belinda: Patrick, that is so sweet!

Patrick: Give me a kiss!

(Patrick and Belinda “peck” several times)

Customer: Wasn’t that on a greeting card one time?

Belinda: What are, what are you, what are you implying?

Customer: I’m not implying anything. I’m just saying that Patrick’s “wisdom” can be found on a bumper sticker. And, I think he’s saying whatever he can just so he can get a kiss from you.

Belinda: Oh, I resent that!

Patrick: Be careful, Belinda, resentment is a dark room where we develop our negatives!

Belinda: Your absolutely right.

Patrick: Give me a kiss!

(Patrick and Belinda “peck” several times, again)

Belinda: Your total is $38.00 and forget my number!

Customer: Fine, here! And that last one is from a 12 step program, I know, because I’m in AA.

Patrick: Uh oh. This one has too many issues! Let’s cancel his subscription! Give me a kiss!

(Patrick and Belinda “peck”, again)

Customer: Ah, ah, ‘comon get a life!

Patrick: Life is a gift we receive everyday, that’s why it’s called the present.

Customer (Imitating Patrick): That’s why its called the present!

Belinda: Don’t make fun of him!

Customer: You know what, your right! I should make fun of you for getting sucked in by his nonsense, and I changed my mind, I want a plastic bag, (Imitating Patrick) no paper!

(Patrick gets a paper bag)

Customer: ‘Comon! (snaps fingers)

Patrick: Well, aren’t you worried about your groceries?

Customer: O, o, I am shaking in anxiety!

Patrick: Anxiety is just interest paid on trouble before its due!

Customer: Oh, you want trouble from me buddy, you keep talking like that! ‘Comon! (Snatches bag from Patrick’s hand)

Belinda: Jeez! Patrick, I am so sorry that happened to you.

Patrick: That’s ok, Belinda. You know what I say about customers.

Belinda: No, what?

Patrick: They’re ass wipes! Give me a kiss!

(Patrick and Belinda kiss as the scene closes)
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Old 10/16/2004, 11:51 PM
Dartanian's Avatar
Dartanian Male Dartanian is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Auckland
Posts: 4,606
Hehe, good job. I loved this skit (surprisingly), but I thought the second one was stupid, I liked it when he quoted Hallmark Cards! That was the best thing about the character.

What happened to Andrae?
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Old 07/19/2009, 5:18 PM
wdaguy Male wdaguy is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 3
Great job! where can I find this skit? dvd?? thanks
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Old 07/19/2009, 5:26 PM
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tvmanismadformad Male tvmanismadformad is offline
It's gonna happen
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Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 3,751
Again, DVD's not made. I thought I explained this already?


Rise from the Dead!

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