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Old 07/14/2004, 6:24 AM
newt007's Avatar
newt007 Male newt007 is offline
Hawt bytch
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Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: Rensselaer, NY
Posts: 2,066
Default Schizophrenic Jeopardy (#201)

Frieda- Mary Scheer
Stu- Artie Lange
Miranda- Christina Applegate
Alex Trebek- David Herman

Announcer: Hello and welcome to Schizophrenic Jeopardy. Tonight's challengers from the loft ward at Tasquahero Hospital... Frieda Bowen.

(Frieda is at her podiium)

Announcer: From the basement of him mom's house... Stu Caruthers.

(Stu walks to podium)

Announcer: And our returning champion from the oak tree half way house, Miranda Delum.

(Miranda walks to podium)

Announcer: And now our host, Alex Trebeck.

Alex: (walks out) Thank you ladies and gentlemen. Hi and welcome to the show.


Alex: Our categories tonight are: Voices in my head, Medication Time, Our Animal Friends, You're all Against Me, The Apocalypse. Miranda, our returning champion, pick a category.

Miranda: Huuuh. Now that would fit nicely into your little plan, now wouldn't it, Alex?

Alex: Yes, it would.

Miranda: Okay. The Apocalypse for 100.

Alex: (reads) This causes it.

Frieda: (buzzes in) WHAT IS THE CANCELLATION OF FRIENDS?!?!?!!!!!

Alex: Correct, go again.

Frieda: Our Animal Friends for 200, Alex.

Alex: (reads) These rodents are chewing their way through your stomach lining.

Frieda: (buzzes in) SQUIRRELS!!!!!!

Alex: That must be put into the form of a...


(A doctor comes by with a shot and shoots Frieda with medicine)

Alex: Okay, okay. Let's take this time out to meet our calmer contestants. Stu, how's your mother doing?

Stu: Oh, mother's fine. Uh, her and I worship together. I'm always there for her... washing her, lathering her with her flesh... keeping flies off of her.

Alex: And, Miranda, our returning champion...

Miranda: (stares at Alex with rage) You're staring at me, Alex. But you can't get in. I have my force field up, see? (puts hands in front of her) Conjuction Junction. What's your funtion, Alex?

Alex: I'm the host, Miranda. Frieda, are we ready to play?

Frieda: (calm) Frieda isn't here anymore, Alex. This is Julie.

Alex: Glad you could join us, Julie. Pick a category.

Frieda: Voices In My Head for 200.

Alex: (reads) When you line your watch cap with it, it keeps spacemen from controlling your brain.

Miranda: (buzzes in) What is tin foil?

Alex: Correct. Go again.

Miranda: Voices in my Head for 300.

(Daily Double comes up. Alarmed by the sound, Stu takes out a Cross of Jesus)

Alex: And it's today's daily double. Miranda, how much do you wish to bet?

Miranda: The robot king says 100.

Alex: Okay. Listen to these sounds recorded in your bedroom last night.

(A sound of deep noises are heard by Miranda)

Miranda: Oh my god. It's breaking through the shales! It's breaking through the shales! (puts hands over ears) Stop! Make it Stop! Make it STOP! STTTOOOOOOPPPP!!

Alex: Judges?

(Buzzer is heard)

Alex: Oooh. I'm sorry. The answer was president William Howard Taft. William Howard Taft. Pick again.

Miranda: Voices in my head for 200, Alex. Will you please stop sending me your filthy thoughts?

Alex: (reads) Lately, they've been plotting to kill you.

(Frieda buzzes in)

Alex: Julie?

(Frieda does not say anything)

Alex: Frieda? Jamal? The artist formally known as Sting? Okay, anybody. Lately, they've been plotting to kill you. Anybody?

Stu: (buzzes in) Who are Willy, Tyler, and Lester?

Alex: That's corrent, Stu. You have control of the board.

Stu: You hear that mother?! God has chosen me to control this board. So things are gonna be different around here, OLD WOMAAAN!

(Final Schizophrenic Jeopardy comes up)

Frieda: I miss you daddy!

Alex: Well, that means it's time for final Schizophrenic Jeopardy. Tonight's category is...

Miranda: I smell gas! They're pumping in gas and it's not the good kind! (inhales deeply)


Alex: It's time for Final Schizophrenic Jeopardy.

Stu: I wanna buy a vowel.

Alex: You can't buy a vowel, Stu.

Stu: (takes out cross of Jesus) I wanna buy a vowel!

Alex: Stu, you can't buy a vowel.

(Miranda chokes on the air around her, Stu holds up his cross, and Frieda yells about her daddy.)

Alex: Well, that's all the time we have for Schizophrenic Jeopardy. Tune in tomorrow, and remember... I'll know if you're not watching. So long.

(Miranda tugs on Alex's leg as scene fades)


Selena Luna = Best. Castmember. Ever.

Last edited by newt007; 06/04/2005 at 1:32 PM.
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Old 07/14/2004, 1:49 PM
Alyssa's Avatar
Alyssa Female Alyssa is offline
okay :|
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 491
LMAO. Great job Newt! Mary er "Frieda" screaming is sooo hilarious.

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