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  #1  
Old 01/31/2003, 9:49 PM
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Default (#316) Darlene McBride: Songs for Lovers

Darlene McBride: Nicole Sullivan




Advertisement Announcer: Just in time for Valentine's Day, Darlene McBride is back with her "Songs for Lovers."

Darlene McBride: (lyrics to "Bleedin' Hearts")
Hearts, hearts,
Bleedin' hearts,
Bleedin' heart liberals,
Tear 'em apart!
Slice 'em and dice 'em,
Gut 'em in ice 'em,
Rip open their chests
And do your best
To stop their bleedin' hearts!

Darlene McBride: (commenting on last song)
Heck, Democrats don't own any guns; they'll hardly put up a fight!

Advertisement Announcer: Listen with someone you love:

Darlene McBride: (lyrics to "The Things We White Folks Love")
My daddy loves his tractor,
My sister loves her boss,
My husband loves to wear a sheet
And burn a flaming cross,
My son loves Barbra Streisand,
I pray he isn't gay,
But me, I only love one thing,
And that's the NRA!

Darlene McBride: Yee-haw!

Advertisement Announcer: Songs for the whole family:

Darlene McBride: (lyrics to "Foggy Marriage Breakdown")
She can't be your wife, she's your sister,
It's bad enough your mom married her son,
I'm sure we'll all end up on Jerry Springer,
And I will be the only normal one!

Darlene McBride: Happy Valentine's Day, Uncle Joe!

Advertisement Announcer: And from mother to daughter:

Darlene McBride: (Lyrics to "Song to My Daughters"; Darlene is shown singing in between her two daughters, two girls with the exact same hairstyle as Darlene)

You girls are so young,
Ten and thirteen,
You ask me, Darlene,
About love--

I'll tell 'ya, sweet angels,
Here's all I can say,
Let these words guide you,
As you find your wa-a-a-a-ay--

Men are pigs! (Oink, oink, oink)
Dirty pigs! (Oink, oink, oink)
Their brains can be found in their pants,
'Til you see,
A wedding ring,
Don't you dare touch his thing!

Darlene McBride: (Speaking to daughters) Do and God will cut your hand off! Ah, just kidding! Aw, you're pretty!

Advertisement Announcer: And who won't be hummin' this one in the shower:

Darlene McBride: (Lyrics to "Big Red Neck")
You've got a big red neck,
That's the way I like it,
Yes, that's the way I like it,
Big and thick and rosy red,
Red, red, red!
Nice and thick and juicy,
Red-dy red, Rebbel red,
Holdin' up a big white head!

Darlene McBride: Everybody!

Advertisement Announcer: (Talks while Darlene and the audience sing "Big Red Neck" together in the backround)
And if you call now, you'll also get these tender ballads:
"I Didn't Know the Gun was Loaded When I Accidentally Shot Your Whore,"
"He May Be Trailer Trash to You, but he's Trailer Treasure to Me,"
"Gun Rack Serenade,"
and some old favorites:
"I Left My Fruity Son in San Francisco"
and "In God-da We Trust-ta"

Darlene McBride: After all, love makes the world go 'round--- that is until the good Lord sends a fireball to burn us all to a crisp! Happy "Hearts Day"!
You've got a big red head!
That's right, yeah!
Woo-hoo!

Last edited by MADMADMAD; 02/07/2003 at 10:07 PM.
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  #2  
Old 01/31/2003, 10:03 PM
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HiVolt Male HiVolt is offline
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I love Darlene... Don't think i'm screwed in the head, but I actually made MP3's of all of Darlene's songs and put them on my iPod MP3 player ROFL.... those crack me up every time....

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Old 01/31/2003, 10:05 PM
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Quote:
Originally posted by HiVolt
I love Darlene... Don't think i'm screwed in the head, but I actually made MP3's of all of Darlene's songs and put them on my iPod MP3 player ROFL.... those crack me up every time....
You're not screwed in the head... lol... Whenever I look at sketches on tape, people start thinking that I'm some kind of conservative white trash supremacist...
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Old 01/31/2003, 10:09 PM
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HiVolt Male HiVolt is offline
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Hehehe... The lyrics are freakin hilarious though... Kinda "evil" hilarious where you live in a city where immigrants are the overwhelming majority...

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Old 01/31/2003, 11:00 PM
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Now don't get too evil yet. The INS is still a bit faulty.
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