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Old 07/31/2005, 3:19 AM
Texas Male Texas is offline
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Default Designer Imposters, Channel No. 5 Perfume (1017)

Designer Imposters, Channel No. 5 Perfume (1017)

Anna Nicole Smith: Stephnie Weir

Ike Barinholtz (His character was never given a name)

The Voice of Howard Marshall: Ron Pederson

Newscaster: Keegan-Michael Key


(Fade in to a delirious Anna Nicole lying on the ground)

Anna Nicole: Oh! When will I wake up?

(Cut to the Main titles- “Designer Imposters Channel No.5” / “Featuring Anna Nicole Smith”)

(Anna starts to speak slowly as the camera fades from Anna being photographed by reporters and paparazzi, to Anna lying on the ground again)

Anna Nicole: When will I wake up… from this binge?

(The camera spins upward as Anna moans and flails around on the ground)

(Fade to Anna being photographed again)

Photographers: Anna over here! Anna! Over here, Anna!

Anna Nicole: (Waving her arms around and dancing up and down) Do you like my BEAUTY? Do ya’?

(As more and more photographs are taken Anna starts to freak out and she runs away, tripping over her long dress)

(Anna’s voice is heard dreamily, as the camera fades from Ike extending his arm toward Anna, to Anna falling down over and over again, then to Anna running as Newspaper headlines roll across the screen)

Anna Nicole Voiceover: I must have been the only person in the world who thought I deserved that 80 million dollars.

(A newscaster reporting on the radio fades in and out across the screen)

Newscaster: The world’s most famous gold-digger lost her court case and her fortune today.

(Anna’s voice is heard again as she is shown running towards Howard’s urn)

Anna Nicole Voiceover: When he came into my life, I knew his will would never be the same…

(Cut to Anna with Howard’s urn sitting near a trashcan)

Anna Nicole: (Anna smells Howard’s urn) Uh! You have bad breath Howard Marshall! (She takes the top of his urn off, breathes into it, and jerks her head back from the stink) Oh, that’s my breath!

(An old man in expensive looking clothing walks by checking his watch)

Anna Nicole: Hey hot stuff! Are you wearin’ that cologne called money?

(Anna tosses Howard’s urn into the trashcan and chases after the old man)

(The camera fades dramatically again, first to Anna running, next to Ike burping, and then it settles on Anna, on top of a building, leaning against a billboard’s “golden arch”)

Anna Nicole: (Anna sighs as she looks over the city) The world is so peaceful up here next to the golden arches… The Mc-Rib must be back… (As she sighs again bird poop drops from the sky onto her face)

(Cut to Anna looking over the city with Ike)

Ike: Anna you can always appeal the courts decision tomorrow.

Anna Nicole: I don’t care about tomorrow.

(Anna is shown running again)

(Cut again to Anna with Ike)

(Anna starts popping pills and washing them down with vodka)

Ike: Anna, give me the Trimspa pills.

Anna Nicole: Spim-tra? These are roofies for horses. Mmmmm, Mama likey!

(Cut to Anna falling over her dress again)

(Cut back to Ike with Anna)

Ike: Anna! Anna, who are you?!

(Anna is shown humping the billboard arch and then starts dancing on the side of the building)

Anna Nicole: Im a lap dancer! I love to dance! Like my body?

(Anna loses her balance and falls over the edge)

Anna Nicole: Whoa! AH! AH! AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

Ike: (looking over the side of the building) Anna! Anna! Anna!

(The camera moves towards Howard’s urn, then into the sky)

Howard Voiceover: And then she was gone. I’ll never forget her. (Cut to Anna lying on the ground with Howard’s urn looking over her) That face, (The camera fades and show Anna’s face) those jugs… (The camera pans down to a close-up of Anna’s boobs)

(Fade to Anna lying on the ground again)

Anna Nicole: This perfume stinks… (Anna sniffs her armpit) Oh that’s me again.

(Fade to the Channel main titles as Anna shakes her head around deliriously and photographers surround her, snapping pictures wildly)




(Stephnie walks offset with the bird poop prosthetic still on her face)

Stephnie: Oh thanks, this has been a pretty night for me all together. Really…




(Stephnie falls down as Anna and her feather dress flops over her head. Stephnie accidentally sucks up a feather and coughs it up)

(Stephnie is lying on the ground, moaning as Anna until she is interuppted by a hiccup)

(Ike is staring dramatically into the camera moving his jaw up and down. He suddenly breaks character and starts to laugh)

(Stephnie lies on the building in character as Anna with bird poop on her face)

Stephnie: I want a milkshake… (Stephnie then loses it and starts to laugh)


Last edited by Texas; 10/04/2005 at 7:51 PM.
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