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Old 07/30/2004, 8:32 PM
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Default Oprah: Oprah's Jackass (#825)

Oprah's Jackass (#825)
Sketch length - 4:58

Oprah Winfrey......................DEBRA WILSON
Steadman.............................ARIES SPEARS

OPRAH: Hello! Yes, wow! How are you? Yes, girlfriends! Hello! We are standing here outside the Carl Sandburg Arbiratum. Today's show is dedicated to a very profound film that I had the blessed opportunity to see on DVD. Unfortunately, I didn't get to see it at the theaters because I was stuck IN a stall IN a ladies bathroom at a pizerria Uno. You know, this film has made me realize what a waste my own show has been. And this film, this powerful, moving film...JACKASS!

Steadman runs by with his pants down behind her.

The Jackass crew, Oprah, and Steadman walk alongside the shopping cart, similar to the opening of Jackass: The Movie.

OPRAH: I'm standing here with the Jackass crew! Wee-Man! Steve-O, and Steve! And my long suffering fiancee Steadman, a man that I am physically stronger than. Here's what I am going to do, girlfriend. I am going to get in this filthy garbage can, and Steadman is going to roll me down that hill.

She gets in, and they roll her down the hill.

STEADMAN: This is for cutting my allowance!

After getting out, Oprah throws up.

OPRAH: Hello, girlfreind!!!!

OPRAH: My new best friend Steve-O, is going to light this firecracker, and then I am going to stick it down the back of the unemployable Steadman's pants. I call this skit "Lighing a lazy brother on fire"!

STEVE-O: Yeah, let's blow his ass up!

OPRAH: F--- yeah! Haha!

She creeps up behind him and is about to stick it down Steadman's pants, but Wee-Man signals Steadman, who grabs the firecracker from Oprah and shoves it down her pants.

OPRAH: No! F***! F***! Ahhh! (smoke everywhere) God! God! My vagina's on fire!!!!!! (rolls around)

OPRAH: Okay, now I'm going to run at this porta potty as fast as I can, and knock it over.

Steve opens the door right before she approaches it, and she falls in, knocking it over.

STEADMAN: This is for taking away my Xbox!

They push the Portapotty down the hill. Oprah gets out, covered in toilet paper. Wee-Man comes up in front of her and whacks her with a bat. They all whack each other with bats. Oprah falls down.

Later...everyone sits at a table on a bench. Pies are lined up on the table.

OPRAH: Okay, now I have challenged everyone to a eat off! Whoever eats the most pies in 15 minutes wins! I call this one...Oprah Wins! And you jackasses better keep your hands away from my mouth!

A pie fight soon begins, and they cover eachother in pies. Steve-O whacks Oprah with a bat.

OPRAH: Steadman, you bastard!

She throws a pie at him, and runs after him with a bat, which she throws at him.

She smacks Steve in the crotch with a bat, and then throws a pie at him.

OPRAH: Wear that as a hat, bitch!

More pie fighting. They roll Steadman down the slippery table.

OPRAH: My turn!

She tries to get pushed down the table, but is really heavy, and it requires two of them to do it.

OPRAH: Wow, what an exciting day! Let me tell you something, girlfriend. If you want to break out of your mundane life and live outside the box, you have got to get in a garbage can and roll down a hill. Yes you do, try it! So, Steadman. How did you feel about today?

STEADMAN: Uh...you gonna let me talk Oprah?

OPRAH: Why, Steadman, of course. I'm free. Talk to America!!!

STEADMAN (to camera, while Oprah lifts up a bat): Oh, well, um...

Oprah smacks him with a bat.

Picture of a rundown African hut.

OPRAH (voice): Guests of the Oprah Winfrey Show stay at my parent's house.

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Old 07/30/2004, 9:25 PM
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i havent seen this one but i really want to. by reading the transcript, it sounds hilarious! keep up the good work
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Old 07/30/2004, 9:26 PM
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I saw it and its just hilarious!

I would rather sit here and accomplish nothing than accomplish something and be considered an inspiration and a role model simply because I use a wheelchair to get around.
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Old 04/23/2005, 7:25 AM
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Heart Funny!

That is a funny Oprah! I have it on tape and I watch on end laughing!

^^^^^Click to see David!^^^^^

:heart: Sexiest Cast Member: Jill-Michele Meleãn. :heart:

I got a new picture in my profile! Check it out!

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Old 04/23/2005, 9:18 AM
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OPRAH: Okay, now I have challenged everyone to a eat off! Whoever eats the most pies in 15 minutes wins! I call this one...Oprah Wins! And you jackasses better keep your hands away from my mouth!

It's not that big of a mistake..but after that you forgot when she says "1 2 3 GO!"

Morgan & Nik - Nocturnal Twins Forever
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Old 04/27/2005, 10:28 AM
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Default RE: Oprah's Jackass

OMFG, I ♥ this one!!! I love all the Oprah's, but this is my all time favorite Oprah sketch.

Nicole Sullivan - Blonde Beauty

Tchaa, Ya Know What. . .I Have A Cat Named CeCe
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Old 04/27/2005, 1:13 PM
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This is the best Oprah sketch!! It's sooo funny.

Quiero hacer el amor apasionado a su cuerpo magnifico.

Dear God, Please protect me from your followers. Love, Me
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Old 07/02/2005, 1:21 AM
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LOL!!i love all the sketches that have anything to do with jackass

You got those giant, rock hard..torpedo lookin..bomby lookin fake tatas-Lida

Dixie sometimes i feel like your my mom-Pool Boy

Thats understandable considering all the time youve spent inside me!-Dixie Wetsworth

It is not even the beginning of the end, but it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning..-Nicole Sullivan
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Old 07/02/2005, 1:27 AM
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Yeah, it was cool! I watched it thanks to a certain someone on the forums!
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Old 04/10/2006, 12:54 AM
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I heard that many people dug the kenny rogers jackass sketch but when I finally saw it, I was less than impressed.

This one was 100 times better.

It's just the whole idea of Oprah Winfrey being involved with something like Jackass. It-just-wouldn't-happen.

Praise mad tv for throwing Oprah down hill in a port a potty.

I love whenever she controls Stedman too.
"who I am physically stronger than" *cracks the hell up*


"Of course Stedman, you are free. Talk to America!"

Skin it and make me a coat Bobby
Debra fan.
"Oh my Muffins so sweet. You can't leave it alone. It's my yummy treat. Like an icecream cone"
Crazy booby rainbow car wash.

Last edited by buffnut4life; 04/10/2006 at 10:17 PM.
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