[MADtv] Bible Dude: Video Games (#1022)

[newt007]

Ester- Nicole Parker
Joshua- Paul Vogt
Isaiah- Bobby Lee
Bowez- Ike Barinholtz
Bible Dude- Michael McDonald
Jesus- Aries Spears


(PAX logo)

Announcer: This is PAX television. Unflavored oatmeal for your eyes.

(Setting: Inside a house where Ester, Joshua, Isaiah, and Bowez are in TV room eating popcorn)

Ester: Say Joshua, this popcorn party is off the hook.


(Isaiah and Bowez pound fists together and say “Word” simultaneously)

Joshua: Thanks everybody.

(Bowez wipes hands on couch)

Isaiah: Hey Bowez, be careful. Don’t get your buttery fingers on Mrs. Henderson’s new sati.

Joshua: No worries, Isaiah. (grabs a constructed paper thing) I made a sati cover out of construction paper and Moses stickers. (begins to lay creation on couch)

Ester: Cool!

Bowez: Say, I’ve got a pretty fun idea. (grabs video game) Why don’t we play my new video game, “Rugrats Spelling Bee”

(Ester and Isaiah cheer with excitement)

Joshua: FUUUUNNN! First, I’ll have to go get my mom. She could go check it out to see if it’s appropriate for teenagers. (thumbs up)

Bowez: That stinks. We don’t need your mom. Let’s play Rugrats.

Ester: Bowez! Joshua’s right. Many of today’s video games are very violent and promote immoral behavior. We need to trust our parents to make our entertainment choices for us.

Bowez: You know what? FUDGE our parents.

(Ester gasps and clenches her ears)

Bowez: You heard me! Double fudge them! I’m playing Rugrats anyway! (walks towards TV and begins to play video games with an evil look) HE HE HE HA HA HA HA.

Voiceover: Oh no! This is a job for… BIBLE DUDE!

(Bible Dude credits)
(singing) Bible Dude! Bible Dude!
Gets you into a praying mood
He can soar through the air.
Like the Red Sea, he parts his hair.
Look out, here comes that Bible Duuuude.

(View of Bible Dude)
Tonight’s Episode:
“Three thousand men of Judah went to the rock of Schechem and said to Samson, ‘Knowest thou not that the Philistines are rulers over us?’ And he found a jawbone of an ass and put forth his hand and took it. Amen”

(Setting: At church where Bible dude is in disguise, cleaning up)
(Beeping is heard)

Bible Dude: It’s the boss. (walks to wall and pulls lamp lever, where a board moves to reveal a TV screen transmitting a live feed from heaven) Good morning, Jesus. What’s the haps?

(TV reveals Jesus to be sitting with some dead rappers with a bong)

Jesus: ‘Sup Matthew? Here’s the dealio. There’s a couple kids playing video games right now without parental guidance.

Bible Dude: (surprised) No parental guidance? (faces camera) Well, that’s almost as bad as sticking a camera phone under a bathroom stall and taking a picture of a sailor on the toilet.

Jesus: Ouu, why you be thinkin’ about that?

Bible Dude: Oh no, it’s just I know this guy who… read about it in a magazine… that is a straight magazine. (Worried) I’m on it boss! (Runs out of church where he soars to the popcorn party)

(Setting: Back at popcorn party where Bowez is laughing at TV, playing the video game)

Bowez: Haha! I feel so free! Life is for living!

(Concerned friends are shaken when a voice of Bible Dude is heard replying “NO IT’S NOT”)
(Bible Dude soars outside of the house, and is seen from window)

All: Bible Dude!!

Bible Dude: (still outside) Hi teens! (Bible Dude tries to open window, and is unsuccessful and gets angry) SUGAR FOOT! (Bible Dude soars out of view and reappears in the house with a gust of wind) Hi teens!

All: Bible Dude!!

Bible Dude: I spy with my little eye one teenage sinner.

Bowez: Buzz off!

Isaiah: (gasps) He back sassed!

Bible Dude: Bowez, but down that joy stick, and pick up the joy book. (Bible Dude opens Bible to read a passage) 1 Chronicles 5 Verse 8 “And Bela, the son of Azaz, the son of Shema, who dwelt in Aroer, even unto Nebo and Baal-meon went eastward and inhabited the wilderness because their cattle were multiplied in the land of the Hagarites” (Bible Dude closes bible)

Ester: (Stands up) I get it. What you’re saying is that many of today’s video games are very violent and promote immoral behavior. We need to trust our parents to make our entertainment choices for us.

Bible Dude: Very good, Ester.

Ester: That’s exactly what I was telling everyone before you arrived, Bible Dude. Word for word.

(Bible Dude takes Bible and shoots electric bolts of lighting from it to electrocute Ester until she is only a skeleton)

Bible Dude: (looks towards camera) God hates a brown-noser. Bowez, since you like violent video games, perhaps you’d like to star in one.

Bowez: Yeah! Sounds rad.

Bible Dude: I call this one… Old testament justice. (Bible Dude shoots electricity towards Bowez, where he dodges it and earns points as Bible Dude destroys the furniture with the electricity)
(Bible Dude electrocutes Bowez’s head, where it explodes, and his decapitated body falls to ground)

Bible Dude: Game over. (towards camera) And remember kids, if you’re really interested in violence, read the Bible.

(View of Bible Dude flying in air, with Bible)
(PAX logo)