[MADtv] Bible Dude: Choir Boy and Teen Pop Music (#1011)

[AngelasBraces]

Boy- Paul Vogt
Samson- Ike Barinholtz
Rachel- Stephnie Weir
Girl- Daniele Gaither
Bible Dude- Michael McDonald
Choir Boy- Ron Pederson
Jesus- Aries Spears
Announcer 1- Daniele Gaither
Announcer 2- Frank Caliendo
Bobby Lee- Satan


Announcer: You're watching PAX.... And Jesus is watching you, so don't you dare turn that channel.


(Four teenagers walk into Discorama)


Rachel: Ohhh..... Wow! Wow, gang, CD shopping is the bomb!

All: Yeah!

Samson: But we gotta be careful... So much of today's music has explicit lyrics and raunchy beats- Especially hip-hop rap albums. Look how many warning labels this thing has! (holds up CD)


Girl: Don't even touch it, Samson! Just walk away.... (he is herded into a corner)

Boy: Hey, here's a CD that shouldn't cause a stir: Hilary Duff live at Epcot Center!

Girl: Awesome! White girls are the best!

Samson: I agree, but listen up guys. I'm not sure Hilary Duff's music is appropriate for seventeen year olds. We might be too young to listen to it....

Rachel: Oh, don't be such a funny nutty, Samson! There aren't any warning stickers on it.... I'm sure it's fine. Let's rock! (she holds the CD up triumphantly)



Announcer: Uh-oh! This is a job for... Bible Dude!


*Bible Dude theme song*


Announcer 2: Tonight's episode... "And it shall come to pass that every place will be where there were a thousand vines and a thousand silverlings; it shall even be for briars and thorns. Amen".


(alarm goes off inside church)

Bible Dude: It's the boss!

(he hits a lamp near a hymn listing, it revels a television monitor)

Bible Dude: Jesus! What's up?

Jesus: Marie Antoinnete, Jimmy Hendrix and I were watching Shrek 2. You know, Eddie Murphy should play a donkey in all his movies, it's the only time he's funny! All right, here's the dealie-o, there's a couple of underage kids getting ready to listen to some Hilary Duff music.

Bible Dude: (gasp) Underage kids and Hilary Duff music! Why that combination's almost as lethal as Poppers and Polaroids!

Jesus: What?

(Bible Dude stutters)

Bible Dude: Listen, Jesus, I think this job might be too big for me, I might need some help on this one.

Jesus: I'm already on it (Marie reaches for some popcorn, Jesus slaps her gently on the hand). I'm sending you a superhero whose specialty is straightening out the music industry.

Bible Dude: (gasp) You mean...

Choir Boy (voice): That's right! (he jumps into the scene) Hello, Bible Dude

Bible Dude: Choir Boy.

Choir Boy: Hello, friends. I used to be a goth headbanger who was into hardcore satanic music like the Dave Matthews Band and Alicia Keyes. But then I started watching Joan of Arcadia; I saw the light and became.... Choir Boy! Now... Let's go kick some ass! (high five)



(The teenagers are still in Discorama, dancing.... Pretty retardedly)

Rachel: Everyone should listen to music, it's the universal language!

Bible Dude (voice): Yeah.... The universal language of sin!

(the superheroes jump out of music bins)

Teens: Bible Dude! Choir Boy!

Both: Hi, kids!

Choir Boy: Rachel, Hilary Duff may look innocent, but her music comes directly from Beelzebub himself!

Rachel: What? No offense, Choir Boy, but don't you think you're overreacting just a smidge? I mean, it's just sweet little Hilary Duff!

(Bible Dude blasts her with his bible)

Bible Dude: Anyone else have an opinion?

Choir Boy: Yo, kids, listen up as we drop these fresh lyrics upon you! (he hums as Bible Dude recites)

Bible Dude: From the book of Ezra, chapter four, verse two. "Then they came to Zerababel and said unto them, let us build with you, as you do since the days of Esherhatten*, which brought us some [???]."

(Choir Boy is still humming)

Bible Dude: I'm done.

Samson: I get it... You're saying that if you play Hilary Duff's CD backwards, it summons the devil!

BD & CB: Exactly!

Choir Boy: Let's demonstrate!

(He kicks Rachel's skeleton across the floor and picks up the CD, magically playing it with his fingers)

Choir Boy: Here is Hilary Duff's song played forward...................... Now here's the same song in reverse......

CD: Redrum redrum [????] your soul is mine redrum

(Satan appears in a fiery inferno)

Satan: Have sex, do drugs, drop out of school!

Bible Dude: Be gone, Satan!

Choir Boy: Please, Bible Dude, might I have the pleasure of smiting him?

(he picks up a few CDs and begins to throw them at Satan; Bible Dude stops him on the third CD)

Bible Dude: Wait, that's [????]

(the fifth CD nails Satan in the head and he disappears)

Choir Boy: Well kids, I hope you've learned your lesson.

Girl: I did. Hilary's Duff music kills the people you love!

Choir Boy: Right.

BD and CB: Bye!


(During outtro, Stephnie, Paul and Ike high five each other and jump up and down, then they see the camera and look ashamed; Daniele is adjusting her earring)


* It sounds right, but to me, it seems pretty blatantly wrong, so....

[AngelasBraces]

Rewatching it, it does sound a bit like him, thanks.

[MADtvFanatic13]

i think that if you really do listen to a hilary duff CD backwards thats exactally waht would happen...it the devils music!! lol