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Old 05/20/2004, 5:30 PM
newt007's Avatar
newt007 Male newt007 is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: Rensselaer, NY
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Default Oprah's Cash Giveaway (#811)

Oprah- Debra Wilson
Enid- Mo Collins
Melanie- Stephnie Weir
Next Lady- Jill Michelle Milean
Man- extra

(Oprah backstage eating gettting ready for show) (Make-up lady is applieing her make-up)

Oprah: Okay. (claps Make-up ladies hand) Lets do it. (heads for stage) Wow. (sees a man, and begins kissing him) (throws him aside) (continues to stage)

(studio worker directs her onto stage)

Oprah: Don't touch me!! (puches studio worker) (heads onto stage) Oh, oh.

(Audience stands up, applauds, and cheers)

Oprah: (walks around stage, thanking audience) Sit down. Thank you! Sit down. I feel great. (angry) SIT DOWN!

(audience sits down)

Oprah: You know, I get thousands and thousands of letters everyday, all the time. And girlfriend, I don't read any of them. But my assistants do, and they tell me that alot of them are very, very touching. Now, you all know about my angel network, right? The angel network!

(audience cheers)

Oprah: Okay, shutup! This is what I am going to do. I'm going to use my life, my own personal life to help some disadvantaged people with some hard cold cash... (reaches into shirt) (pulls out money) Right out of my bra!!!!

(audience cheers)

Oprah: Thank you! Now, our first letter is from Enid Traylor. Please, listen.

(see curtain with figure of Enid)

Enid: (behind curtain) Dear Oprah, I'm a 47 year old house wife. Last fall I lost my husband, Jerold, to lupis. I was feeling so alone, until I saw your show on women who lost their husbands to Lupis. Thank you, Oprah, for giving me back my spare...

Oprah: Wow, you know what, let's just bring her out. Enid Traylor.

Enid: (walks out from behind cutain) (walks to stage) (hugs Oprah) I, ouch, I love your show, I do.

Oprah: Well... you better

Enid: I do (sits down)

Oprah: Because mama's got a D-cup full of dough.

Enid: And you know, I gotta tell ya. I'm having an Ah, Ah-Ha moment right now, and you know, to me your not just Oprah, you, (stuggles to not cry) you... you are my Hoperah. (begins to cry)

Oprah: (takes cash out of her bra) (hands Enid money) One Thousand, Two Thousand, Three thousand, (to audience) C'mon, you! (audience chants) Four thousand, five thousand, six thusand, seven thousand, eight thousand, nine thousand, ten thousand dollars!!!

(audience cheers)

Oprah: (stands up) (thanks the audience)

Enid: (stands up) (weeping) Thank... you, sooo much Oprah, thank you, thank you. (attempts to Hug Oprah)

Oprah: (backs away from Enid) Alright, hey, hey..

Enid: (grabs onto Oprahs leg, on knees) Thank... youuu...

Oprah: Okay, okay, alright, someone get her off me now. Get her off, now. Get her off, wow.

(security comes and drags her away)

Enid: THANK YOU!!! (Sobs) GRAHHH....

Oprah: Wow. Now, our next letter comes from Melanie Herpstrum. Now, Melanie lost her-- Ohh, It doen't make a difference. Just another LOSER!! (Makes an 'L' with hand) Here for paycheck, lets bring her out, Melanie Herpstrum!!

Melanie: (walks out to stage)

Oprah: (puts out hand for a shake, but quickly lets back)

Melanie: (tries to shake hand, but is too late) Thank you so much for having me on the show, Oprah. You, you are an angel.

Oprah: You've got 5 seconds, GO!! (looks at watch)

Melanie: Oh, oh, well I, I lost my home business and I had to sell everything, and move into a one-bedroom apartment with me and my three children. But, it's my faith that's keeping me going.

Oprah: Ah, your faith in...

Melanie: (pauses) My faith in God.

Oprah: NOT the answer I'm looking for. Good luck in that apartment. Bring on the next one.

Melanie: (disapointed) (Leaves stage)

Oprah: (clapping)

Next lady: (runs onto stage) (happy) Hi Oprah. I'm Sheen--

Oprah: You know what, I'm not even feelin' this one. Have a seat, girlfriend. C'mon pick it up. Pick it up. Mama wants to hit that Waffle House! (stands up)

(people begin to walk onto stage)

Oprah: Oh, YES! (hands money from bra from bra) NO! Oh, Hell No! Yes! (hands out some more money)

(two old ladys walk out)

Oprah: You, you two old ladies, 'kay? I'll give you $5000 if you fight each other. NOW!!!

(ladies grab money) (Two old ladied begin to fistfight.)

One lady: You're a bitch.

Oprah: (cheering them on) Call her a Bitch!! Call her a bitch!!!

ladies fight off stage) (audience cheers) (man walks onto stage)

Oprah: (observes) Wow! Can everyone say WHOA!

Audience: WHOA

Oprah: So what's your story?

Man: (austrailian accent) Well your staff gave me a call to come on down to the Oprah Show. I'm an underwear model.

Oprah: You have an austalian accent. Do you like it down under? HA! Well, show us the goods.

Man: (strips down to underwear)

Oprah: B-I-N-G-O!!!!! I have got a gold Rolex watch somewhere on my body. You've got to find it. And I'll only give you one hint, and one hint only... It's in my VAGINA!!!!! Ready... Set... Seach Oprah!!

(Man retrieves gold rolex)

Oprah: Whoa. Ha-Ho!

(underwear model walks off stage with rolex)

Oprah: It's a party ya'll, and everybody wins! (walks over to a crowd) (to one lady) Tell you what, pull Oprahs finger.

(She pulls Oprah's finger) (Money flies out of her Butt)

Oprah: Oh!!!!! Who want's to be a millionaire? My Buthole is an ATM!!!!

(people run for the money)


Selena Luna = Best. Castmember. Ever.

Last edited by newt007; 09/24/2005 at 9:20 PM.
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Old 12/15/2004, 11:49 AM
lpshean's Avatar
lpshean Male lpshean is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: The Motherland
Posts: 266
Originally posted by newt007

Oprah: Because mama's got a teacup full of dough.
Hmm.... that line doesnt make any sense! Haha. Then again, MADtv doesnt.

But hey... dontcha think "Because mam's got a D-cup full of dough." means something? D-cup as in breast size. Get the picture? LOL. Am i correct or wrong?
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Old 01/17/2008, 2:34 PM
Spencer Male Spencer is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 4
This is one of the funniest Parody of Oprah but the first one is Oprah talks about the economy. Funny!
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