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Old 04/27/2006, 4:56 PM
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Default Yvoone Criddle: Stolen Parking Spot (#1117)

Daniele Gaither- Yvoone
Michael McDonald- Police Officer
Keegan Michael Key- Jamie

(Setting: On a road, Yvoone and Jamie are arguing. A car accident is seen in the background)

Jamie: Are you crazy?

Yvoone: That was mahh spot.

Jamie: Are you absolutely out of your mind? We’re trying to drive, and you’re driving off a cliff. What is wrong with you?! You almost killed my kids!

Yvoone: No, but you took mah parkin’ spot.

Police Officer: (arrives on location) Alright, alright. Calm down! Alright!

Jamie: She almost killed my kids!

Police Officer: Alright, calm down.

Jamie: Unbelievable.

Police Officer: Please sir. I’ll start with you. Can you tell me your name and what happened?

Jamie: Yeah, my name is Jamie Sheppler, and earlier today I took my family to the mall, okay, and then when we finished our shopping, I got into my car, we’re driving on the freeway. And the next thing I know, this woman is violently ramming our car from behind! And my kids are in the backseat!

Police Officer: Ma’am, did you do this?

Yvoone: Yes I did. That man took my parkin’ spot.

Jamie: She deliberately slammed into the back of our car because she thought we took her parking spot!

Police Officer: I’m sure that’s not what she’s saying. Is that what you’re saying, ma’am?

Yvoone: Now that’s exactly what I’m saying. That man took my spot.

Jamie: See!? She’s crazy!

Police Officer: Okay, ma’am. Uh, can I have your name please?

Yvoone: My name is Yvoone Criddle, and I saw that spot first so I had to, uhh—

Keegan: She’s follows us for 20miles! And I tried to lose her in these hills, and she tried to run us off of a cliff!

Police Officer: Ma’am, did you try to run this man and his family off a cliff?

Yvoone: Yes I tried that. I almost had him a couple of those hairpin turns.

Jamie: Unbelievable.

Yvoone: But you see, he pulled into my parking spot.

Police Officer: So you tried to kill him?

Yvoone: Mhm. Yes sir.

(Police Officer looks stunned)

Yvoone: And if I didn’t have to stop at that raidroad crossing, we wouldn’t be having this conversation. But see officer, they had pulled into my parking spot. Now I don’t know what you can do about that.

Police Officer: Do you realize what you are saying?

Yvoone: Yes I do realize it. But see, I don’t like to walk far and that spot was close… (continues to talk as Jamie interrupts)

Jamie: (pointing at Yvoone) I can’t believe I’m hearing this. She’s saying she would kill my kids. Are you saying that you would kill my kids because we made you walk far?

Yvoone: Yes I would kill your kids. But I had to circle around for that spot.

Jamie: That’s sick! And besides that, there were like four other open spots there!

Yvoone: But see, I needed a spot close to the garden center, ‘cause I needed to get me a shovel… (continues talking while Police Officer interrupts)

Police Officer: It’s irrelevant why you needed a shovel. I don’t need to know that.

Yvoone: But I needed that shovel to brain my neighbor’s dog.

Police Officer: Miss Criddle, don’t say anything more about the shovel!

Yvoone: But my neighbor’s sprinkler’s keep hitting my car, and so that’s why I going for that dog.

Jamie: Oh my god, lady! You were planning on killing someone’s dog because your car got wet?!

Yvoone: Yes, that was my plan. But see, those sprinklers keep hittin’ that car like that… and that wears down dat paint job.

Police Officer: That’s enough. I don’t need to hear about that.

Yvoone: (continues to speak) And so that’s why I needed to go get that shovel…

Police Officer: Miss Criddle, no more.

Yvoone: (continues) But it was heavy, so I wanted to park close.

Police Officer: Miss Criddle, don’t tell me anything.

Yvoone: (continues) But he pulled into my spot, so I had to kill him and his keeeds.

Police Officer: Alright. Can you hold this for me, please? (hands over notepad to Jamie) Miss Criddle, I’m gonna have to place you under arrest for attempted vehicular manslaughter.

Yvoone: Okay, good. But that man took my spot.

(Police Officer places Yvoone under arrest and puts on her handcuffs and proceeds to take Yvoone to his police car)

Police Officer: Miss Criddle, you have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in the court of law.

Yvoone: That’s fine, but that shovel was heavy. I’m gonna tell them that in the court of law.

Police Officer: If you cannot provide yourself with an attorney, one will be provided for you by the state.

Yvoone: Well that sound good, but you see, her sprinklers hit my car like that. That just ain’t right. I need that shovel.

Police Officer: Miss Criddle, do you understand your rights?

Yvoone: Yes I do. I sure do, but I had to brain that dog to keep those sprinklers from… (Yvoone is put into car as sketch ends)


Selena Luna = Best. Castmember. Ever.

Last edited by tvmanismadformad; 07/23/2009 at 2:24 AM. Reason: Pictures Reformatted
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Old 04/27/2006, 7:20 PM
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Damn I still haven't see the sketch. Good transcript though.

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Old 04/28/2006, 2:42 AM
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Yvoone: Yes I tried that. I almost had him a couple of those hairpin turns.
Yvoone: Yes I would kill your kids. But I had to circle around for that spot.

I didn't get to see this one...it sounds hilarious.
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Old 04/28/2006, 11:21 AM
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guhh ive missed lyke tha last 3 episodes or MORE! this sketch sounds funneh

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Old 07/23/2006, 10:10 AM
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Default RE: Yvoone Criddle

I loved this sketch! I remember when I first saw it I was dying laughing!

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Old 10/18/2006, 3:22 AM
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anyone uploads this skit pleeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaase~~~~~~~
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Old 11/09/2006, 1:16 PM
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funniest sketch of the night!
the first one where's she's in court is also hilarious


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