[MADtv] First to a Million (#103)

[Karmacoma]

Announcer: ???
Peter Marshall: himself
Ben: Artie Lange
Judy: Mary Scheer

Part 1

Announcer: It’s time for First to a Million. Now here’s your host, Peter Marshall.



Peter: Thank you. Thank you very much. Thank you and good evening. Welcome to First to a Million. Hi, Ben. Hi, Judy.

Ben: How you doing?



Peter: Are you ready to play the game? The rules are very simple. The first contestant to win a million points wins the game. Okay, here we go.
Today’s categories. The categories are, Impressionist Art, Academy Awards, Presidents, World War II, Ancient Civilizations and Pot Luck.
Okay, Ben, you won the toss backstage. You’ll start. Where are you going?

Ben: I’ll try Presidents, Peter.

Peter: Alrighty. Which president dropped the bomb on Hiroshima?
Ben, you’ve got it.

Ben: Harry Truman.

Peter: That’s it. Harry Truman. Terrific, Ben. Terrific. You’ve got one point!

(One point appears to Ben’s scoreboard)

Peter: Where to next?

(Ben checks his scoreboard and is kinda lost)



Peter: Ben, where next?

Ben: I guess I’ll stick with Presidents.

Peter: Alrighty. Here we go.
Which president ascended to office when Abraham Lincoln was assassinated? Ben, you’ve got it again.

Ben: Andrew Johnson.

Peter: Way to go, Ben. Way to go. Make it 2-to-nothing.

(Ben gets one point to his scoreboard)

Peter: Ben, you’re still in control. Okay, pick a category.

(Both Ben and Judy take a look at the scoreboard)



Peter: It’s 2-to-nothing, Ben.

Ben: Peter, is there a category where the questions are worth more?

Peter: Worth more what?

Ben: You know, worth more than one point.

Peter: So you’re thinking that maybe we have some questions that are worth two points, is that right?

Ben: Yeah.

Peter: (laughs) That’s cute. No, we don’t have any of those.
All right, continue.



Judy: Peter, this is pointless.

Peter: Judy, I know it seems like you’re way behind now, but trust me, dear, you’re still in the game. It’s rare, but I’ve seen people come back from 2-0 deficits before, so don’t give up.

Judy: Okay, I won’t give up.



Peter: Stay tuned. We’ll be right back with the lightning round here on First to a million.

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Part 2

(Ben and Judy look both really bored. Ben has 10,999 points and Judy 16)



Peter: What is ten times five?

Ben: Fifty.

Peter: Congratulations, Ben. You have just reached 11,000 points.

Ben: He-hey, whoopee! Hey, are we gonna get some dinner?



Peter: Dinner? Of course not.
Now, we need another category. Ben, your turn.

Ben: Why don’t we try Ancient Civilizations for one, Peter.



*fade out*