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Old 12/17/2004, 2:12 PM
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Default Lisa Kushell (Seinfeld: "The Friars Club")

© Miss Information

Thanks to SeinfeldScripts.com

[Kramer's Apartment]

Kramer sits on his couch with Connie, who is playfully toying with the collar
on his shirt.

KRAMER: So, uhm, are you sure you don't wanna go to the movies?

CONNIE: Mmm, no, Cosmo. I like just being here with you.

KRAMER: Oh, it's uh, it's a bold adventure.

Connie leans in and begins to kiss Kramer's neck.

KRAMER: Ooh. Well, this is uh, risky business, huh? I'm all a-twitter.


[Kramer's Apartment]

Connie lies on the couch, underneath Kramer. She strokes the side of his head
with her fingers.

CONNIE: (passionate) Oh Cosmo. Mm-mmm, Cosmo. Oh Cosmo.

Kramer is oddly unresponsive.

CONNIE: (uncomfortable) Uh, honey, can you move a little, this hurts.

Kramer makes no reply.

CONNIE: (worried) Cosmo?

Connie pushes at Kramer to try and move him.

CONNIE: (panicky) Oh my god. Cosmo, wake up!

Connie heaves harder at Kramer, but he's still not moving or replying.

CONNIE: Cosmo?

Connie lifts Kramer's head and looks at his face, which is completely slack
and expressionless.

CONNIE: (horrified) Oh my god! He's dead! He's dead.

Panicky, Connie tries again to lift Kramer enough to get out, but is unable
to move his inert bulk. She reaches across to the table and grabs the handset
of the phone. Quickly, she dials a number and puts the phone to her ear.

CONNIE: (into phone) Yeah, Tommy, this is Connie. You gotta help me. Some guy
dropped dead on top of me. (listens) I can't call the cops, 'cos Joey might
find out. (listens) I can't. I'm stuck. You gotta help me.


[Hallway, Apartment Building]

Kramer stands outside the door to an apartment, flanked by two other guys.
One of the guys knocks at the door. After a few seconds, it is opened by
Connie.

KRAMER: (pointing) That's her, officer.

CONNIE: (shocked) Kramer! Oh my god, I thought you were...

KRAMER: (animated) What? Sleeping with the fishes? I guess I woke up!

The detective shows his shield to Connie.

DETECTIVE: You're under arrest for the attempted murder of Cosmo Kramer.

CONNIE: (defensive) I didn't do anything.

KRAMER: (sarcastic) Oh, yeah! Yeah!

DETECTIVE: Get your coat, we gotta take you in.

CONNIE: Can I call my lawyer?

DETECTIVE: Okay, go ahead.

Connie goes back into her apartment.


[Connie's Apartment/Lawyer's Office]

CONNIE: (on phone) You gotta meet me at the police station. They're arresting
me for attempted murder.

On the phone in his office is Jackie Chiles.

JACKIE: Attempted murder? Of whom?

CONNIE: This guy, Kramer.

JACKIE: Oh. (hesitantly) Cosmo Kramer?

CONNIE: (surprised) Yeah, that's right.

JACKIE: (adamant) I don't want nothing to do with it.

Jackie puts down his phone and looks glad to have escaped.

[End]

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