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  #1  
Old 09/25/2004, 10:52 PM
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Default Jello Shots (#1001)

SKETCH: JELLO SHOTS (#1001)
Sketch length -

Housewife............................NICOLE PARKER
Bill Cosby..............................ARIES SPEARS
Children................................extras
Announcer............................FRANK CALIENDO



HOUSEWIFE: I'm a single mother with three foster children, and sometimes it feels like the world is passing me by. Especially when the state is late with my check. Thanks to the people at Jello for coming out with something I really need - Jello Brand Jello Shots. Each package comes with four plastic shot glasses with premixed Jello and booze, with four fun-filled flavors: DUI Daquri, Single Mother Margarita, Tenemant Tequila, and Battered Wife Bloody Mary.



It's a great way to kill an afternoon, especially if you're feeling worthless. (opens one, swallows it, cringes for a moment) Mmm...that went down good. Reminds me of college. I went for a year, before I screwed everything up.

KID (TREVOR): Mommy, can I have one?

HOUSEWIFE: Sure, Trevor. Do it like mommy showed you. (he licks a pinch of salt off of his hand and then takes the shot, followed by putting a lime wedge) in his mouth. Two or three of them should keep him quiet, especially when I'm watching my stories. Here, kids, Jello Shots!

KIDS: Yay!

The kids take them. Bill Cosby enters with another package.

BILL COSBY: Who's ready for some more Jello brand Jello Shots?

KIDS: Bill Cosby! Yay!

HOUSEWIFE: Thank goodness! We almost ran out.

DAUGHTER: Bill Cosby, why you in my mama house?



BILL COSBY: Speak English, young lady! I can't speak the way you little ones do..."why you wills" and "why you ain't". S'amazing, parents will spend $500 on the sneakers but won't spend $50 on the Hooked on Phonics, you see. And what's with the hat on backwards and the pants around your crack? Are you waiting for the good Lord to pull them back up? You people are all maggots. More proof that the world is going to hell, and another reason to start drinking.

ANNOUNCER: Jello Brand Jello Shots, now in your grocer's freezer. 50% alcohol by volume. Please act responsible. Operation of heavy machienery is not avivable...gosh, I'm hammered too!


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  #2  
Old 01/30/2005, 3:20 PM
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I'm back, bitchesss!
 
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Why is this in the Depressed Persian Tow Truck Man Subforum?

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Old 01/30/2005, 3:39 PM
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Thanks potora, I moved it.

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Old 01/30/2005, 6:13 PM
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BREAKING BENJAMIN
 
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That wasn't my fault, was it?

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