[MADtv] Hell Date (#220)

[newt007]

© Miss Information

Original Airdate: 05.03.97

Pablo Francisco as Jodie's Date
Nicole Sullivan as Jodie

(In Jodie’s apartment, there is a knock on the door. Jodie opens it.)

Jodie: Hey, right on time.

Date: Mr. Punctual, that’s me. Y’know I would’ve been here sooner but the elevator was broken so I had to run six floors.

Jodie: Oh gosh, I’m sorry about that. Can I get you something to drink?

Date: Sure, that sounds great, how about a soda?

Jodie: Sure, sure. Um, I should just let you know I don’t normally date guys from work but y’know Madonna in accounting said that you were really cool, so...

Date: (sits down on the sofa) Hey you know me, that’s me, Mr. Cool.

Jodie: I can’t believe we work right down the hall from each other and never even met.

Date: (in a movie phone voice) For years, she’d been searching.

Jodie: What was that?

Date: (movie voice) Little did she know the man of her dreams was working on the third floor.

Jodie: Oh, you’re doing like the movie phone guy, right?

Date: (movie voice) She was confused, he was young. They were two young lovers looking for love.

Jodie: Wow, do another one.

Date: (movie voice) He was an accountant by day, lover by night.

Jodie: Oh, that’s great.

Date: (movie voice) She was easily impressed, everything was going well.

Jodie: Haha.

(Jodie Sits down on the sofa)

Date: (normal voice) Hey, thanks for the soda.

Jodie: No problem. My god, how do you get your voice to do that? (Tries the voice and fails miserably) Two lovers...haha.

Date: (movie voice) She had questions he couldn’t answer.

Jodie: Ok, I get it.

Date: (movie voice) He hasn’t been with a woman in years, but she’s slept with every man in accounts receivable.

Jodie: (starting to get annoyed) Ok, I said I get it.

Date: (movie voice) Oh, now she had a short fuse and then something went totally wrong.

(Jodie's date picks up an umbrella from next to the sofa and holds it like a gun)

Jodie: What are you doing?

(Jodie's date jumps on the sofa.)

Date: (movie voice) Get ready this summer for the ride of your life. Keanu Reeves... (in a Keanu voice) Listen, this date can’t go below 55 or it’s gonna blow!

Jodie: Ok, can you get your shoes off my couch please?

Date: (movie voice) She’s a woman on the edge. (Keanu voice) Listen, get away from the table, just get away!

(Jodie's date knocks a lamp off the table with the umbrella)

Jodie: Alright, get out of my apartment!

Date: (making gun noises, movie voice) Nowhere to run, nowhere to hide. (Keanu voice) There’s a bomb in here somewhere, could be in here!

(Her date rips open a cushion, feathers fly everywhere)

Jodie: I’m gonna call the police!

Date: (Keanu voice) I am the police! (Movie voice) You gotta get ready, music soundtrack by Aaron Neville (singing) Ah-ah-you-better-watch-out-.... (movie voice) Also starring Arnold
Schwarzenegger. (Arnold voice) Listen Jodie, put down the phone, they’re trying to kill you.

Jodie: Ok, it’s ringing!

Date: (Arnie voice) There they are! (Grabs the can of soda)

Jodie: What are you doing? Don’t...

Date: (opens the can) Get down! (Throws the can like a grenade, Jodie screams) (Arnie voice) Listen, you stay away from Jodie!

(He moves around the room aiming the gun everywhere, falls out the window. Jodie puts the phone down and runs to the window)

Jodie: Oh my god!

Voiceover: Hell Date, coming to your apartment sooner or later.

(Knock on the door)

Jodie: Thank god, the police. Officer, he went right out the window...

(Opens the door, her bloody date stands in the doorway)

Date: (Arnold voice) I’m back. (Jodie screams) Hey listen, you’d
better call 911.

(He collapses in the doorway)