[MADtv] Ex-Friends

[Pool Girl]

Hillary- Nicole Sullivan
Jay- Bryan Callen

(Jay walks into the living room with beers in his hand)

Jay: Whatcha looking at?

(Jay hands her a beer, while Hillary opens up a photo album.)

Hillary: I've never seen pictures of you as a little kid.

Jay: They might be a little d-u-double L.

Hillary: Dull? No! No! (Looks at picture) Awww! You were Darth Vader. I was Princess Laya.

Jay: I was about nine there. My parents loved camping.

Hillary: (points to picture) Is that them?

Jay: Yeah

Hillary: Wow.

Jay: That's me in Little League. (Points to different picture)

Hillary: (Laughs) How adorable! Wait, who's that? That's not your mom and dad.

Jay: No. That's my aunt and uncle. They adopted me after the incident.

Hillary: Incident?

Jay: Yeah, I was camping with my parents in the high Sierras one summer and they disappeared. It's been 22 years, never been found.

Hillary: Wow, that's terrible.

Jay: Well, that was a long time ago.

Hillary: Where's your aunt and uncle now?

Jay: Well the three of us were up on a road trip 6 years ago, there was an accident and they were killed.

Hillary: Oh, God we don't have to look at this anymore.

Jay: No, no, no, please, please it's been a long time. I'm fine. Really.

Hillary: Who's that with you there? (Points at another picture) Is that your ex-girlfriend?!

Jay: Jill and some of her friends there. It's our first big trip to New York City.

Hillary: That must have been so much fun!

Jay: Yeah, it would have been. Jill and those six other people fell off the Chrysler Building.

Hillary: What? That's terrible!

Jay: Just a freak wind. There was nothing I could do. Spent the rest of the vacation identifying their names.

(Hillary hugs him)

Hillary: Awww! You poor pumpkin! I'm sorry. Gosh!

(Turns page in photo album)

Hillary: What's this here. "High School Reunion Tragedy". What's that about?

Jay: My 10 year reunion. The party was in a beautiful old rustic lodge built under old Indian reservoir. (Sighs) Some nutcase placed 250 tons of TNT right at the foot of the reservoir's dam. Whole class of '84 was wiped out. Drowned. I guess Mr. BMOC John Ricker wasn't such a hot swimmer after all.

Hillary: How did you survi--

Jay: Just lucky, I guess.

Hillary: Oh.

Jay: I got a surprise for us.

Hillary: You do, do you? What is it?

Jay: Two tickets, (holds up tickets) me and you exploring Crombly Boulder Cave National Park this weekend.

Hillary: Oh my God! That's terrific! (Hugs him) I have dibbs on your Eddie Bower jacket! (walks to the closet)

Jay: Don't go in there!

(Hillary opens the door and finds a picture of her surrounded by candles. The picture has HILLARY DIE!!! in red letters.)

Hillary: Jay? Why do you have that picture up of me? I look fat in that picture!

Jay: You do not!

Hillary: Yeah, I do!

Jay: That's a great picture of you.

Hillary: Really?

Jay: Yes.

Hillary: Okay.

Jay: Hey, you excited about the trip? (Holds up the tickets)

Hillary: As long as I'm with you, it will be killer.

Jay: Oh, yeah, to die for.

(Hugs each other)

[Scorpiogrrl4405]

I thought this was really funny

[Karmacoma]

Originally posted by Scorpiogrrl4405
I thought this was really funny

This was really funny, but the audience weren't laughing that much during the tapings, so maybe they thought it wasn't funny. Funny thing that some of those unaired sketches were even better than some that made it to the air, like Mean Mother (#103).