[MADtv] Cold Angry Bed (#425)

[funny_guy]

Frank Caydel- Michael McDonald
Susan Caydel- Nicole Sullivan
Joan Embree- Mo Collins
Kenny G- Andrew Bowen


Voiceover: Welcome to Cold Angry Bed with your hosts Frank and Susan Caydel.

Frank Caydel: Good evening friends, welcome to our cold angry bed. Im Frank Caydel..

Susan Caydel: And im Susan Caydel, for now.

Frank Caydel: Promises, promises honey.

Susan Caydel: This is a unique late night talk show that we bring to you live, from our cold and angry bed.

Frank Caydel: Where we are night, after night...

Susan Caydel: After night. Frank when your mother was pregnant with you, why didnt she just throw herself down a flight of stairs?

Frank Caydel: Well honey, if i knew what was in store for me, i would have aborted myself.

Susan Caydel: Your a class act Frank.

Frank Caydel: Thanks honey. Someday i wanna marry somebody like you......but pretty. Our first guest is no stranger to our cold and angry bed.

Susan Caydel: What is it, the wind of revolsion?

Frank Caydel: No, its Joan Embree from the San Diego Zoo.

Joan Embree: (Enters holding a cage with a spider in it) Hi guys.

Frank Caydel: Hi Joan.

Joan Embree: Thanks for having me back.

Frank Caydel: Sure, come on in. You always show us such interesting things.

Susan Caydel: God knows i havent seen an interesting thing in ten years. I wish i had your job.

Frank Caydel: Oh come on honey your already so busy with both your jobs; part time bitch, full time bitch.

Joan Embree: Could i continue please?

Susan Caydel: Of course, ignore him. What do you have in the box there?

Joan Embree: (Holds up cage with spider in it) Let me tell ya this is an extremely venomous creature here.

Frank Caydel: She sure is, but whats in the box?

Susan Caydel: Ha... Ho...

Joan Embree: Now shes so lethal that im just gonna keep her in her cage here.

Frank Caydel: Lethal huh? Hey honey why dont you stick your finger in there and give it a good poke.

Susan Caydel: A good poke what is that exactly?

Joan Embree: 'Kay thats it! You know what? Im not doing your show anymore! You two need to either get therapy or a divorce (walks out).

Frank Caydel: Joan, im sorry.

Susan Caydel: Well thanks for bringing the spider, thank you for coming...

Frank Caydel: Your the only one who has...

Susan Caydel: Ok our next guest is an international recording artist Kenny G. (Kenny enters, kisses Susan and shakes Frank's hand) Mmmmm i almost forgot what it was like to have a real man kiss me.

Frank Caydel: Vindictive party of one your tables ready.

Susan Caydel: Ya know Kenny you are so romantic, what is your secret?

Kenny G: Well i think its about being passionate, never let the passion for each other die.

Frank Caydel: Well our passion is not only dead, its wrapped in gauze and mummified.

Kenny G: Maybe i should just play?

Susan Caydel: Yes that would be nice, thank you.

Kenny G: (Plays a romantic tune on his clarinet) Ya know, im just not gonna stop playing until you two start getting romantic (starts playing again).

Susan Caydel: I cant take it anymore.

Frank Caydel: Me neither.

Susan Caydel: Come here!

(Frank and Susan start kissing)

Kenny G: My work here is done (leaves as he continues to play his clarinet).

Frank Caydel: (Stops kissing) Hes gone.

Susan Caydel: Oh, get off of me. God, i need a shower.

Frank Caydel: You are the worst kisser i have ever kissed.

Susan Caydel: Maybe you could brush your tongue once this year!

Frank Caydel: Yaaah!

(Both exit)

Voiceover: This has been Cold Angry Bed.