[MADtv] Bae Sung: Auto Craze (#1010)

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Bae Sung: Auto Craze (#1010)

Customer - Ike Barinholtz
Bae Sung - Bobby Lee
Chinese Man
Garage Employee - Paul Vogt


The scene is in a car garage with a car inside.
Customer: (walking into car garage) Hello? Hello? Hello is anybody here?

Bae Sung rolls out from under the car.

Bae Sung: Yeeeees? (crowd cheers)

Customer: You, uh, you scared me.

Bae Sung: Yes! Yes! It's like when you poop, I'm the monkey.

Customer: (confused) Excuse me?

Bae Sung: You know, like a boots! You know, the man's scared. Like boots, there's no poop, I'm the monkey! You know!

Customer: Ok look, I own a mint condition 2001 Kia Sephia. Okay, now it's been here for 2 weeks and I was told it would take a couple of days. Okay, and I wanna know what's going on.

Bae Sung: Yes, your car i-its like a, dammit there's no pork in the baby! You never know.

Customer: Are you kidding me! I-

Chinese guy walks in.

Chinese guy: Hello, can I help you?

Customer: Oh God, thank God. My car's been here for 2 weeks. It's a 2001 Kia Sephia XLE. Top of the line Sephia. Beautiful car, piece of work. Cost me $8000 brand new. I need it for my business and I wanna know what's happening ok?

Chinese guy: Hello, can I help you?

Customer: Uh- I just told you...

Chinese guy starts speaking in Chinese to Bae Sung.

Bae Sung: Ok, he say he only know how to say in uh, uh, uh, "hello can I help you?"

Chinese guy: Hello, can I help you?

Customer: Ok, do you- do you speak English?

Bae Sung: No! English me! Yes, English me!

Customer: You- YOU speak English?

Bae Sung: Yes, English..(beeps car horn twice) holla!

Chinese guy: Hello, can I help you?

Customer: No- no look- look guys- come on guys. I need my Kia Sephia for my business. Is my car fixed? Is my car..(makes hand motions)..fixed? My car?

Chinese guy speaks in Chinese again.

Bae Sung: Ok, he say that the car is like the lady who say "you don't need no whistling at me!" You don't need no whistling..(beeps car horn again) Holla!

Customer: Oh my God, I-I-I feel like I'm in an Asian acid trip.

Chinese guy: (angrily) Hello, can I help you? (laughs)

Customer: Okay, if this keeps up, I'm gonna twist someone's nuts off with a lugwrench!

Bae Sung and the Chinese guy giggle together.

Customer: Don't laugh! I need this-

Man in garage suit walks in.

Garage Employee: Hey-hey! What's happening here?

Customer: I'm trying to find if my Kia Sephia is fixed!

Chinese guy: Hello, can I help you.

Customer: Arrgh!

Bae Sung: (beeps horn) Holla!

Customer: Look man, come on it's a car! A Kia Sephia. It's opal red, it's got the AM/FM stereo package.

Garage Employee: Kick ass spoiler?

Customer: Yeah, it's got the vanity plate that says Mr.Cools.

Garage Employee: With a zee.

Customer: That's the one!

Garage Employee: That one's ready.

Customer: Okay, is the roof ornament fixed?

Garage Employee: There was no roof ornament.

Customer: Yes there was a roof ornament! I need my roof ornament! It's a Mr. McWeenie. I need it for my advertising!

Garage Employee: All right, all right. Bae Sung get this guy's McWeenie. (Bae Sung and Chinese guy giggle) Just go get it!

Bae Sung: (walking away) Foodgie pineapple juice! And the animal says.

Bae Sung goes to the garbage and pulls out a giant hot dog man statue.

Bae Sung: Uh-oh! Hot dog!

(scene freezes and music plays while little hot dogs zoom around on screen. Scene ends.)