[MADtv] Cast Search (#101)

[newt007]

Executive #1- Joe Colligan
Executive #2- Lise Simms
President- Artie Lange
Mary
Nicole
Orlando
David
Phil
Debra
Craig
Artie

(Setting: Bathroom)

President: All right, what's next? (walks into stall)

Executive 2: MADtv, sir.

President: How does it look?

Executive 1: Terrific. The sponsors are all lined up, sir.

Executive 2: And the affiliates are as excited as hell, sir.

President: Good, good, good.

Executive 1: We've got publicity going full throttle, sir.

President: Great. How about merchandising?

Executive 2: We've got everything from alfred e. Newman beer hats to "what, me worry?" Sports bras.

President: Good, good. Sounds like you guys got everything under control, huh? How's the cast?

(Executives look worried)

President: There is a cast, isn't there?

Executive 2: Yeah, of course there is.

Executive 1: And they're funny. They're very funny. They're terrific.

Executive 2: They're hysterical.

President: Good. They better be. Your butts depend on it.

(Executives enter a truck outside and look through the streets) (They stop infront of homeless people)

Executive 1: Anybody here ever done any acting? You, in the back. Yeah. What do you do?

Craig: House painting, gardening. I can drive that truck.

Executive 2: Right, ok. Boring. Can you dance, do any impressions? Come on, work with me, people.

Craig: I'll do anything. I just need to work.

Executive 1: All right. The desperate guy-- It's a great character. All right, all right, all right, you're in.

Executive 1: Hey, you. Yeah, yeah, you. What do you do?

Orlando: I'm--I'm--I'm a veteran-- G-G-Gulf war.

Executive 1: Any flashbacks, voices?

Orlando: Non-Non-Nonstop, man. Jesus. You ain't no rebel. I've known you my whole life. You ain't no-- L-L-L-Leave me alone. I am through that. Sc-Sc-Sc-Scuds everywhere.

Executive 1: Oh, oh, oh, that's funny. Let's go.

Orlando: Thank you.

(Craig and Orlando jump in the back of the truck) (Truck stops in front of prostitutes)

Nicole: Hey, hey, hey, hey! You want a date?

Executive 1: You got any talent?

Debra: Oh, yeah, baby. For the right price, We will put on a show you will never forget.

Executive 1: Show? That's perfect. All right. You're in, girlfriend.

David: Hey, yo, yo, yo, yo. I happen to be the ladies' short-Term Relationship consultant. You see what i'm saying? Where they go, i go. You know what i'm saying?

Executive 2: Right. Ok. I think this can work.

(Nicole Debra and David jump on truck)

Nicole: I'm doing business.

David: Hello. Hello. You're not paying for nothing.

Orlando: I-I-I love you, baby. I love, you, darlin'. You--You--You--You the best woman-- Best woman in the whole world.

David: Get back in the truck.

Craig: You step off, buddy. You step off.

Nicole: Aah! Aah!

Executive 2: Hey, you want to be on a TV show?

Artie: Sure. I got nothing better to do.

(Artie leaves his job as a traffic guard and jumps on the bus)

[Car screeches]

[Crash]

Oh, dear god!

Oh, dear god!

[All yelling]

David: Life is sweet, baby! Life is sweet!

(Mary leaves a suicide note and is about to jump off a bridge when the truck passes and the executive lasso’s Mary in)

[Honking]

[Machine-Gun fire]

(Phil walks out of a store in a postal uniform with a gun and runs and jumps onto the truck)

[Screaming]

[Screaming]

(The truck drives by an Alfred E. Newman look-a-like)

Executives: Nah. Nah.