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  #1  
Old 07/11/2004, 7:19 PM
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Default Jenny Jones: Reunited And It Feels So Good! (#820)

Starring:
Mo Collins: Jenny Jones
Stephnie Weir: Susan "Barbara Dentwiler"
Paul Vogt: Razorface
Gudrun Flaherty: Joanie
Various extras: Audience


Jenny: Hi, okay, all right. Welcome to the show, yeah, my uh, guests today are all searching for their uh, long lost loved ones, yeah! Yeah! Yeah yeah! Yeah! and uh, what they don't know is that uh, we've found them and uh, we're going to reunite them on uhhhhh..... todays show! Yeah!

Audience: Boo!

Jenny: No no, huh uh! no! No, no boos, that's not nice, yeah. Huh! Being reunited with with your loved ones...huh! That a good thing, yeah!

Audience: Yay!

Jenny: Yeah, that's better, yeah. That's better. Boy oh boy! Now uh... 'Susan', not her real name of course, which is Barbara Dentwiler, gave up her son 27 years ago and she's been searching for him ever since... Please welcome, uhhhh.... Susan!

(Susan enters stage)

Jenny: Hi, yeah. So tell us why you uh... gave up your baby.

Susan: Well, I was only 16 when I got pregnant and uh-

Jenny: You go girl! Yeah! Huh huh!

Susan: Well yeah, I guess... but I knew I couldn't provide for him and I wanted to give him a chance for a better life.

Audience: Boo!

Jenny: No no, huh! She wanted to give him a better life, yeah! That's- that nice, that's a good thing, yeah! That's not- not nice!

Audience: Yay!

Susan: And I've looked everywhere for him and I just wanna hold my baby boy and I wanna tell him I love him and that I will always be there for him if he needs me...

Audience (Make sexual whistles): Whoo hoo!

Jenny: No no no! That's not sexy! No, huh uh! Sexy was yesterday's show, huh? Yeah, catch up. So uh Susan, we've found your son and we've got him backstage.

Susan: Ohhh!

Jenny: Anyway, please welcome Susan's son, he's a slaughterhouse hose operator and uh, lead singer of the band 'Vomit'.... please welcome Razorface!

(Razorface enters stage and goes straight to Suan and embraces her with a bearhug)

Razorface: Mommy! Mommy oh, this is so cool!

Audience: Boo!

Jenny: NO NO NO! No! huh uh huh-huh-huh-huh huh uh! uh uh, no! That's... huhuhuhuh! That's a sweet thing!

Audience: Awww!

Jenny: Huh! I gotta say, audience, huh! huh! You're really off today! You're really off! huhuhuh! So uh, Susan, huh? Do you think this would be a good time, you know, to tell Razor face that, you know, that you love him?

Susan: You know, I-I-I don't need to say it, he feels it. Wow! I gotta go, hahaha... (To Razorface) Well, it was such a pleasure to meet you, good luck with that band... (Runs out of the studio)

Razorface (Running after her): Mommy, wait I'm an alcoholic, I need your liver!

Jenny: Our next guest is a young lady who uh, is going to surprise her birth mother, and I'm told she's right here in our studio... Please welcome uhhhh... Joanie!

(Joanie enters stage)

Jenny: Hi! Hi Joanie!

Joanie: Hi! Hi Jenny!

Jenny: Yeah!

Joanie: Yeah!

Jenny: Hi!

Joanie: Yeah hi!

Jenny: So uh, tell us- Huh!

Joanie: Huh!

Jenny: Huh!

Joanie: Huh!

Jenny: So uh, tell us what you know about your uhhh.... Mom!

Joanie: Yeah, well I uh... huh! I know that she uh... left me without a note or anything, yeah!

Jenny: Yeah?

Joanie: Yeah!

Jenny: Yeah?

Joanie: yeah! Huh, that's not nice!

Jenny: No!

Joanie: No.

Jenny: That's not nice!

Joanie: No, no that's not nice!

Jenny: Thats not nice!

Joanie: No, that's not nice, huh uh!

Jenny: Huh uh!

Joanie: No, and I uh, know that she uh, dyes her hair!

Jenny: Yeah?

Joanie: Yes she does, and she has a certain cadence to her voice.

Jenny: Yeah?

Joanie: Yeah!

Jenny: Yeah?

Joanie: Yeah! Huh! And her name is uhhhhh... it's uh, Jenny!

Jenny: Uhhhhhhhh..... Joanie, HUH! I think I know who your Mom is! You see, when I was 16 years old, I uh, huh! I fell in love with my Uncle and we had a lovechild.... back then of course, incest was frowned upon, and I'm told it still is today! Giving up my baby was the hardest thing I've ever done, and here she is, yeah! Hi Joanie, I'm your Mom!

Joanie: Huh!

Jenny: Yeah, hi!

Joanie: No!

Jenny: Yeah I am, huh? Huh?

Joanie: No you're not! You sure aren't! That lady over there is (Points to blonde audience member) Yeah, she sure is! Come here!

Audience: Yay!

Jenny: No no! NO! Huh uh, no! NO! No, that's not right! No, huh uh! I have been humiliated on my own show, yeah huhuh! That's right, you need to learn how to boo, huh? When we come back, I'm going to send the audience to Boot Camp! Yeah!

Audience: Boo!

Jenny: No! huh uh! Too late, it's too late, no!

(Audience does a Mexican wave)

Last edited by Dartanian; 07/14/2004 at 6:13 AM.
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  #2  
Old 07/13/2004, 10:54 AM
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good job! this is my favorite jenny jones sketch! i love how the audience keeps screwing up
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  #3  
Old 07/14/2004, 6:07 AM
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"Dies her hair" should be dyes.

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Old 07/14/2004, 6:11 AM
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Of the hundreds of transcripts in the sketch transcript forum, you had to nitpick that one, small, insignificant error? It was just a... um... slip of the finger, you know. "I" *is* afterall, right next to "Y".

[SIZE=0.5]I'll correct it right away.[/SIZE]

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  #5  
Old 07/14/2004, 6:17 AM
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I wouldn't have said anything at all if I wasn't trying to boost my total number of posts.


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