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Old 12/16/2004, 4:06 PM
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Default Fightin' Ron: Office Fightin' (#605)

© Miss Information

Sketch Length: 6:20
Original Airdate: 11.04.00

Chyna ... Tina
Nelson Ascencio ... Employee #2
Mo Collins ... Kathy O'Leary Rodriguez Washington Miller Arozco
Christian Duguay ... Employee #1
Michael McDonald ... Fightin' Ron Frasier


(Two employees are working in an office. A phone rings and one of the employees picks it up.)

Employee #1: Accounts receivable. Can you hold?

(Fightin' Ron opens the door and enters, wearing a tight shirt that reads "MAWBY'S BAR." Th audience cheers in recognition of the recurring character.)

Ron: Hey!

Employee #1: Can I help you?

Ron: Yeah, I'm lookin' for my lady.

Employee #1: And who would that be?

Ron: Her name's Kathy, she's a total fox; and you turkeys are making her work overtime, which is bull crap. And I'm here to kick some ass!

(Kathy enters the office.)

Kathy: Ron, why aren't you workin' at the plywood store?

Ron: I took a sick day 'cause I'm sick of all the bull crap they put you through here!

(Ron and Kathy begin to make out.)

Ron: What are you lookin' at? You makin' eyes at my lady?

Employee #1: No.

Ron: Well, that's good. 'Cause if I catch you makin' a move on my lady, I'm gonna make a move on you. It goes something like this.

(Ron demonstrates his fighting moves.)

Kathy: Ron, you are so romantic.

Ron: Well, let me show you something right out of a Hallmark card.

(Ron begins making out with Kathy again but stops in reaction to her bad breath.)

Ron: Somebody had liverwurst for lunch.

Kathy: I should get back to work.

Ron: You get back to work, baby. I'm just gonna make stay here and make sure no one gives you any bull crap.

(Another employee enters the office.)

Employee #2: Who are you?

Ron: I guess you don't watch the Weather Channel. I'm Hurricane Ron.

(Ron imitates storm noises.)

Kathy: Hurrice Ron, he's my boyfriend.

Employee #2: Oh, I'm sorry. Thanks for the invoice.

(The employee taps Kathy on the shoulder to thank her for the invoice, and he begins to leave.)

Ron: Whoa, hey man! You think I'm just gonna let you get away with coppin' a feel off my girlfriend like that?

Employee #2: I just tapped her on the shoulder.

Ron: Oh, really? You know what? That's all I'm doin' to you, man.

(Ron pushes the employee.)

Ron: You got that, turkey? You wanna dance?

Employee #2: Hey, look, I don't want a fight!

Ron: Well, you know what? You should have thought of that soner, turkey, 'cause you're goin' down!

(Ron begins hitting the employee lightly and ends up on the floor. This doesn't seem to impact the employee at all.)

Employee #2: Hey, you okay, man?

(Ron gets up.)

Ron: A better question is are you? 'Cause I could go again.

Employee #2: No, no. I think I learned my lesson. Thanks.

(The employee leaves the room.)

Ron: You're welcome, turkey! You okay, baby?

Kathy: Yeah. God, you make me feel like a treasure, I swear.

Ron: Well, that's what you are. [imitating a pirates voice] Aargh! I've come to collect me gold!

(Ron and Kathy begin to make out on a desk as the first employee watches in disgust.)

Ron: What are you lookin' at?

Employee #1: I just find it amusing when people dry hump each other in an office environment.

Ron: Ho, ho, ho, ho. Somebody's lookin' for trouble. Well, let's see if I can find some.

(Ron points to his right arm muscle.)

Ron: Right there! There's some!

(Ron points to his left arm muscle.)

Ron: Oh, there's some more!

Employee #1: I've seen what kind of fighter you are. I don't think you wanna go through with this.

Ron: Oh, then let's dance, turkey! Come on, let's go!

Kathy: Go easy on him, Ron. He's got babies at home.

Employee #1: I'll give you the first shot. I need the massage.

Ron: Oh, okay, man! You're goin' down, turkey! Gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble!

(Ron begins hitting the employee lightly and ends up on the floor again. This doesn't impact the employee at all. Tina enters the office with another employee and the audience applauds in reaction to the appearance of the famous wrestler who is playing her.)

Tina: What's going on here?

(Ron gets up.)

Ron: Oh, I 'm just kickin' ass and takin' names, darlin'. What's your name?

Tina: Well, I'm Tina, and I'm in charge here.

Ron: Oh, let me tell you somebody who you're not in charge of: that hot fox right there with the crispy bangs. And she's tire of all your overtime bull crap, Tina!

Tina: Look, I just gave her the extra hours 'cause, well, she requested 'em.

Ron: You are a lyin' turkey lady.

Kathy: She's not lyin', Ron. I did request the extra hours 'cause I was tryin' to pay off my new tattoo.

(Kathy lifts up her shirt to reveal a tattoo on her stomach that read "PROPERTY OF RON.")

Ron: Oh, baby!

(Ron and Kathy begin making out. Several more employees enter the room.)

Tina: Oh, no. no, this is... Hey! Hey! Kathy, you're fired. And you, get out of here, turkey!

(Ron shoves Tina.)

Ron: Don't call me turkey, turkey!

(Tina shoves Ron onto the floor.)

Tina: Oh, yeah, turkey!

(Ron gets up.)

Ron: You're goin' down, lady. You're goin' down.

(Ron begins lightly hitting Tina and ends up on the ground, once again. The employees begin chanting for a fight. Kathy climbs on top of a desk to speak.)

Kathy: Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Doon't get him mad! What are you stupid? You get him any madder, and you are all gonna end up in the hospital!

(Ron gets up.)

Ron: Don't worry, baby. I'm gonna save the fire for when I really need it. Bunch of turkeys!

Kathy: I love you, Ron. I just love you.

Ron: I don't blame you. Come on, baby. Let's go.

(Ron tries to pick Kathy up but he is to weak to do it. So, they make out with each other as they leave the office. The audience cheers as the sketch comes to an end.)

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