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View Poll Results: Favorite Sketch of #1402
Music Video: Ellen DeGeneres - I'll Kiss A Girl 7 25.00%
Opening: Keegan VS. Arden 1 3.57%
eHarmony #1: First Couple 1 3.57%
Rice and Beans Protein Bar Commercial 2 7.14%
eHarmony #2: Second Couple 2 7.14%
eHarmony #3: Third Couple 1 3.57%
Sundance Channel 4 14.29%
Ozzie Guillen on 11-1 Loss to Mariners 3 10.71%
Ozzie Guillen: The Blind Guy 0 0%
Drama with Audrina Patridge 3 10.71%
Chris Rose: The Best Damn Sports Show 3 10.71%
Burger Knight Commercial 0 0%
MADtv Extras: I'll Kiss A Girl Deleted Scenes 1 3.57%
MADtv Extras: The Best Damn Sports Show Deleted Scene 0 0%
MADtv Extras: Burger Knight Outtakes 0 0%
Closing: Keegan and the Cast 0 0%
Voters: 28. You may not vote on this poll

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  #1  
Old 08/31/2008, 5:36 PM
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Default Episode S14E02 (Aired 2008-09-20)

I'll Kiss a Girl
Ellen DeGeneres (Nicole Parker) sings about her life of lesbianism, her same sex marriage to Portia DeRossi (Arden Myrin) and how same sex marriage is okay now in the state California has allowed it. Throughout the video Ellen breaks singing to explain jokes like when she likes kissing chicks, she doesn't mean baby chicks, how the word honeymoon is like a moon full of honey with bees buzzing around like a vibrator which gets her off topic. When going to bed with Portia, Ellen is explaining her jokes as she falls asleep with Portia clearly deterred by it. The video and song is the tune of Katy Perry's I Kiss a Girl video.

Credits: Nicole Parker (Ellen DeGeneres), Erica Ash (Female Golfer), Lauren Pritchard (Gruff lesbian), Arden Myrin (Portia DeRossi)

Keegan VS. Arden
Keegan and Arden fight over who should open the show with political ads slamming the other person. When they agree to open the show together the announcer strongly disagrees and gets Judge Joe Brown to come out and open the show.

Credits: Keegan-Michael Key (Himself), Arden Myrin (Herself), Joe Brown (Himself)

eHarmony #1
2 old couples find each other through eHarmony. One wants a partner (Nicole Parker) because after her husband died she has been spending 18 hours a day watching daytime judge shows and her son suggested that she try eHarmony. Norm, is a man who doesn't want to die alone because his friend dropped dead from an aneurism in his apartment and was not found for 2 weeks. In that 2 weeks his body was bloated and his face was eaten off by his cats, so he went on to eHarmony and said yes to the first person who didn't have pets.

Credits: Nicole Parker (Lady), Matt Braunger (Norm)

Rice and Beans Protein Bar Commercial
Johnny and Bobby create their own protein bar and film people’s reactions to the product as their commercial. The downside is the bars taste terrible, and the only ones who think that it taste good are drunk people.

Credits: Johnny Sanchez (Himself), Bobby Lee (Himself)

eHarmony #2
eHarmony matches up another couple. Thomas (Eric Price) runs a group for recovering homosexuals called Welcome Back. The lady (Lauren Pritchard) just got out of a long distance relationship with a man who is how she describes "no longer with us". They meet in a public park at night on Thomas's request. The lady spent her time online gaming or sitting quietly, while he likes to go to gay clubs in his ministry and performs what they call "outreach rounds". When Thomas mentions that he will have to cancel their date night because he's going to his friend Marcus house to celebrate his new hot tub with martinis. When she says that hot tubs and martinis make her lose her inhabitations, he throws up on her at the thought.

Credits: Eric Price (Thomas), Lauren Pritchard (Lady)

eHarmony #3
A Lady goes onto eHarmony looking for someone and gets paired with a monkey named Mr. Bojo. When she calls to complain about it to eHarmony they laugh and pretend that they have a bad phone connection. She would have called back but she doesn't like to get confrontational. She goes with it and finds out that they have a lot in common like 99% on their DNA, and the fact that her uncle rarely wore pants. Mr. Bojo in easily angered by lights, sound of children, and especially Oprah. When the topic of babies comes up, she is not even sure if they are legally allowed to have sex, which makes her sleep with a cattle prod under her pillow in case Mr. Bojo tries, which is often. For their anniversary, Mr. Bojo made her a painting of blue and red splotches merging together with a brown spot in the corner which is his feces. She feels that their relationship is not perfect, but at least it was better than dying alone like the guy in North Hollywood.

Credits: Crista Flanagan (Lady)

Sundance Channel
A broadcast of Ikeaclasts, 10 hours of scintillating conversation and light furniture assembly between two public figures -- in this case, Julie Andrews (Nicole Parker) and Tenzin Gyatso (Bobby Lee) --is constantly interrupted by FOX news reports of Barack Obama (Keegan-Michael Key) being purportedly negative, like his coffee being half empty, and not wanting 'change' back from his meal. At the end the final interruption, it turns out that the news breaks were due to the anchorwoman's (Nicole Parker) own agenda, as she takes displeasure knowing that Obama is going to raise taxes on the wealthy, and that she just got wealthy and wants to buy a boat. The broadcast of Ikeclasts concludes with the public figures giving up Julie Andrews stating "well there's ten f***king hours I won't get back".

Credits: Nicole Parker (Julie Andrews), Bobby Lee (Tenzin Gyatso), Nicole Parker (Mary Sullivan), Erica Ash (Angelica Dubois), Keegan-Michael Key (Barack Obama), Lauren Pritchard (Waitress), Arden Myrin (Cashier)

Ozzie Guillen on 11-1 Loss to Mariners #1
Ozzie Guillen (Johnny Sanchez) has a post game rant after his team loss to the Mariners. When an interviewer (Eric Price) ask him to do his post game conferences with less cussing, he says he can't because the guy who taught him English used a lot of swears He accuses his players of being gay, and compares himself to E.T. the Extraterrestrial because like himself, he is not from America. He also enjoys that E.T gives everyone the finger with a light bulb at the end, which he really wants for his middle finger. When the interviewer asks him not to flash the finger on television, he said that's what he learned when he was a child, and that is how he greeted people back home. The interviewer then asks what he thought of a newspaper article that said his team couldn't beat a team full of blind people. He says "show me the blind guys" and storms out of the press conference swearing and flashing the finger.

Credits: Johnny Sanchez (Ozzie Guillen)

Ozzie Guillen on 11-1 Loss to Mariners #2
Ozzie brings in a blind person he found in the hallway, and then asks the reporters if they feel differently now about if his team can beat a team full of blind guys, and leaves swearing and fingering everyone. When the blind man asks where his dog is, Ozzie's response is he gave it to Michael Vick.

Credits: Johnny Sanchez (Ozzie Guillen), Eric Price (Blind Guy)

Drama with Audrina Patridge
Audrina Patridge of the Hills comes on to MADtv and causes drama on set. Getting Nicole and Arden in an argument, convincing Bobby that Crista has feelings for him, convincing Crista that she likes Bobby to her displeasure, and making Keegan feel unappreciated by the cast. When the cast meets to argue with each other they finally figures out that Audrina has brought over the drama from the Hills, they use the power of their friendship, and reconcile with each other to destroy the drama, and Audrina in the process.

Credits: Audrina Patridge (Herself), Nicole Parker (Herself), Arden Myrin (Herself), Bobby Lee (Himself), Crista Flanagan (Herself), Keegan-Michael Key (Himself)

Chris Rose: The Best Damn Sports Show
Chris Rose of the Best Damn Sports Show Period introduces the president of the Wisconsin Brett Favre Fan Club Tommy Pieterszak (Eric Price) who is having a tough time dealing with the trade of Brett Favre to the New York Jets which is affecting is work life, eating, bottly functions and his love life due to the fact that his wife got Brett Favre’s number on her breasts and Favre’s name is on her back for Tommy so that when they were having sex he would feel like he was taking snaps under Brett Favre. The president of the New York Brett Favre Fan Club Tony Falangela (Matt Braunger) is also brought onto the show too. Tony insults Tommy about the fact that they have Favre, and how Wisconsin sucks. They get into a fight on air, which Chris tries to break up before going to break.

Credits: Chris Rose (Himself), Eric Price (Tommy Pieterszak), Matt Braunger (Tony Falangela)

Burger Knight Commercial
King Burger introduces its new toys set to the theme of Batman, the Dark Knight. Toys include Bruce Wayne, and Batman's blown up dead girlfriend Rachael. One in ten lucky kids also get special toys that include Joker makeup, pretend drug money, and a not pretend shoe knife. If a Joker card is found, it can be traded in for a pop up diorama of a scene from the movie. There is also a special Harvey Dent lighter but it is only available in Texas and Alaska.

Credits: Lauren Pritchard (Mother), Zachary Gordon (The Joker), Kaleigh Kennedy (Rita), Dylan Sprayberry (Tyler)

MADtv Extras: Chris Rose: The Best Damn Sports Show Deleted Scene
Tommy (Eric Price) and Tony (Matt Braunger) get into a fight over what city is better Green Bay or New York, but find some common ground when they agree that the Lord of the Rings trilogy is a quality film trilogy and there incomprehension on why Galdolf didn't just fly in with his bird and drop the ring in the lava himself instead of sending Frodo and Sam.

Credits: Chris Rose (Himself), Eric Price (Tommy Pieterszak), Matt Braunger (Tony Falangela)

MADtv Extras: Burger Knight Outtakes
The mother tries to light her cigarette with the Harvey Dent 2-face fire-gun one of the toys in the kid's meals, but can't keep the flame ignited.

Credits: Lauren Pritchard (Mother)

MADtv Extras: I'll Kiss A Girl Deleted Scenes/Outtakes
Deleted scenes include, a version of the video made by Barack Obama saying what he did when a girl asked him to kiss her. His response was "yes I can". he then blows a kiss into the camera, John McCain who said that he kissed a girl in Vietnam, and Chloe the monkey from the eHarmony sketches all lying on a pink bed. It also includes Portia having a joke dream, and Ellen wondering what nightmares are during the day.

Credits: Keegan-Michael Key (Barack Obama), Bobby Lee (John McCain), Arden Myrin (Portia DeRossi), Nicole Parker (Ellen DeGeneres)

Keegan Closes
Keegan closes the show.

Credits: Crista Flanagan (Herself), Keegan-Michael Key (Himself), Bobby Lee (Himself), Arden Myrin (Herself), Nicole Parker (Herself), Johnny Sanchez (Herself), Erica Ash (Herself), Matt Braunger (Himself), Eric Price (Himself), Lauren Pritchard (Herself)

---

Starring:
  • Crista Flanagan (3A/1S/0W/0AF)
  • Keegan-Michael Key (3A/2S/0W/0AF)
  • Bobby Lee (4A/1S/0W/0AF)
  • Arden Myrin (5A/1S/0W/0AF)
  • Nicole Parker (3A/3S/0W/0AF)
  • Johnny Sanchez (1A/3S/0W/0AF)
---

Featuring:
  • Erica Ash (3A/0S/0W/0AF)
  • Matt Braunger (1A/3S/0W/0AF)
  • Eric Price (2A/5S/0W/0AF)
  • Lauren Pritchard (3A/1S/0W/0AF)
---

Guest Starring:
  • Audrina Patridge (0A/1S/0W/0AF)
  • Chris Rose (0A/1S/0W/0AF)
---

Special Appearances:
  • Joe Brown (1A/0S/0W/0AF)
  • Zachary Gordon (1A/0S/0W/0AF)
  • Kaleigh Kennedy (1A/0S/0W/0AF)
  • Dylan Sprayberry (1A/0S/0W/0AF)
---

Legend:
  • (A)cting Credit
  • (S)tarring Credit
  • (W)riting Credit
  • Non-Speaking Credit
  • (A)rchive (F)ootage
---

Last edited by tvmanismadformad; 04/19/2016 at 3:39 AM.
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  #2  
Old 08/31/2008, 5:39 PM
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NOTE: This thread is regarding episode #1402, not the season premiere. Any discussion of the premiere in this thread, and it will be closed until further notice.

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Old 09/01/2008, 1:46 AM
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Wow, they released info on the second episode already?

I see Nicole's gonna do another Ellen impression! Woot!

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Old 09/01/2008, 1:52 AM
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The Johnny Gan show? God damn it.

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Old 09/01/2008, 2:54 AM
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The Johnny Ghan show I must say is my most hated recurring sketch. It's not even that funny.
Also, for the cast list, shouldn't Matt be before Crista?
I would also like to mention (or maybe bring up) is there any chance that the Katy Perry and the Celebrity Roast sketches are the same? I mean, it is newlyweds Ellen DeGeneres and Portia DeRossi after all.

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Old 09/01/2008, 2:59 AM
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Oh man I didn't notice. Johnny Gan show, that talkshow of Asians? That was kinda painful to watch.

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Old 09/01/2008, 7:10 AM
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OMG! Nicole's ELLEN! YES!

on the negative side...


ANOTHER F**KING JOHNNY GAN SKETCH!? WHY?

Anyway, yeah very exicted for S14!

~Fatima~

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Old 09/01/2008, 7:11 AM
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Originally Posted by tvmanismadformad View Post
I would also like to mention (or maybe bring up) is there any chance that the Katy Perry and the Celebrity Roast sketches are the same? I mean, it is newlyweds Ellen DeGeneres and Portia DeRossi after all.
OMG! That would be so funny! I didn't even notice that, TVMAN!

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Michael, Mo + Nicole Parker FOREVER!!!!
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Old 09/01/2008, 8:40 AM
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With the notable exception of the best-of episode in which he appears with Perez Hilton (the videotape equivalent of raw sewage), Johnny Gan rocks. Anyone who disagrees hates puppies, rainbows, and sunshine.:dog::sun:

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Old 09/01/2008, 8:47 AM
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Who do you think will play Katy Perry? Portia DeRossi?
I think Nicole will do Katy Perry, because they somewhat look the same, but Nicole can't play Portia when she's playing Ellen.

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Old 09/01/2008, 8:52 AM
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With the notable exception of the best-of episode in which he appears with Perez Hilton (the videotape equivalent of raw sewage), Johnny Gan rocks. Anyone who disagrees hates puppies, rainbows, and sunshine.:dog::sun:
Man, mizz mystifies me sometimes.

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Old 09/01/2008, 9:07 AM
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Man, mizz mystifies me sometimes.
You're mystified now? Wait until S14 starts -- I'm just getting warmed up!

Overall, though, I do like these sketches. Although I obviously don't have firsthand knowledge of Thai cable access TV, I can imagine that any such show on American popular culture would go a little something like this. Even if it wouldn't, then it's still a great way to make fun of bad television in general; and what better place to find putrid programming than on cable access TV? Lord knows we have more than our share in the U.S. too.

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Old 09/01/2008, 9:48 AM
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Anyways, you gotta admit, whenever Bobby does his Johnny Gan face you just wanna punch him right in the kisser

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Old 09/01/2008, 10:50 AM
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Man, mizz mystifies me sometimes.
Tell me about it, edk!

~Fatima~

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Michael, Mo + Nicole Parker FOREVER!!!!
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Old 09/01/2008, 11:09 PM
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Yeah i was thinking about Nicole Parker doing Katy Perry around August because the song is a huge hit and plus lets hope we get some more pop culture before Nicole Leaves the show.
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Old 09/06/2008, 10:29 AM
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Audrina Page guest stars.

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Old 09/06/2008, 3:09 PM
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Audrina Page guest stars.
I have to say I have no idea who this is?

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Old 09/06/2008, 3:59 PM
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I have to say I have no idea who this is?
iS That the girl from the Hills? LOL
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Old 09/07/2008, 3:28 AM
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I have no idea who she is either.

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Old 09/07/2008, 4:10 PM
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Audrina Page from The Hills:



I'm worried....

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