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Old 08/20/2005, 7:27 PM
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Default Monologue: David Herman (#101)

David- Himself
Mary- Herself

David: How you doin'? My handle is Dave Herman.


David: Thank you. I appreciate that. I appreciate that. Uh, this is really where it's at for a cat like me. We got a heavy, heavy squad here on MADtv, but, in particular, I’d like to pay tribute to the ladies of the cast because it has been an uphill climb for women in sketch comedy. But these ladies-- these ladies are already at the top of the hill. Could we get, uh, Mary out here possibly? Could we--Can we do that? Is that something-- Mary Scheer, ladies and gentlemen!

(Mary walks out on stage)

David: Mary Scheer. Give it up. Give it up for Mary. Mary, I was just tellin' the good folks out here how much I appreciate the women in the cast, but your work in particular has been superb.

Mary: Thank you, David. That's really nice of you. I think you're great, too.

David: Well, thank you, Mary.

(David goes in to kiss Mary, but pushes him away)

Mary: Jeez, Dave! What are you doing? You just bring me out here so you can shove your tongue down my throat?

David: (sarcastically) Oh, yeah. That's what I was doing, Mary. Ho ho ho ho ho.

Mary: You did, David. You tried to french me.

David: Ohh la la. Ha ha ha ha.

Mary: You know what, David? You're a pig.

David: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Mary--Mary, I don't know what you think happened here, but if I’ve-- I've inadvertently offended you or hurt you in any way, I am sorry. All I was saying is that I appreciate your work. That's all I was saying.

Mary: Whatever.

David: We're cool?

Mary: Yes. We're cool.

David: Cool.

(David goes in to kiss Mary but she pushes him away, again)

Mary: David! (Walks off stage)

David: Let--Let's give it up for the ladies of the cast.


Selena Luna = Best. Castmember. Ever.
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