[MADtv] Episode S12E09 (Aired 2006-12-16)

[Miss Information]

Secret Santa #1
The MADtv cast get together at the main stage to do its annual secret Santa gift exchange. The first gift goes to Ike Barinholtz, who gets singing lessons from Nicole Parker. Nicole got Ike the singing lessons because she is sure he needs them due to the fact that his singing voice to her sounds like a cat being neutered with a shrimp fork. Ike walks off the stage enraged at Nicole. Keegan-Michael Key is then picked next and gets a fart machine. This reminds Keegan of his childhood, in which he weighed 750 pounds, had a flatulence problem that killed his pet parakeet, and when he lived in his parent’s garage on a big piece of cork board. When a fart goes off, Keegan storms off. The fart is discovered to actually be from Arden Myrin. Nicole decides to take a break from the secret Santa for a while.

Credits: Michael McDonald (Himself), Bobby Lee (Himself), Ike Barinholtz (Himself), Arden Myrin (Herself), Frank Caeti (Himself), Keegan-Michael Key (Himself), Nicole Parker (Herself), Crista Flanagan (Herself), Jordan Peele (Himself), Nicole Randall Johnson (Herself)

Tickle Me Emo
From the makers of Tickle me Elmo, it's Tickle me Emo. Elmo's Goth emo cousin. Squeeze his hand, and he says things like "if life is so fair, then why do roses have thorns" and "there is no God, you hear me, no God". With 360 head turning ability, and the ability to cut himself when left alone, Tickle me Emo will provide hours of emo fun! Available at Hot Topics everywhere.

Credits: Bryce Robinson (Boy)

Holiday Sex Party
A Christmas party grinds to a halt when a burglar (Keegan-Michael Key) breaks in and asks everyone to put their wallets on the table. One man Anthony (Michael McDonald) feels he knows what the burglar really wants. He wants everyone to have group sex with each other. The burglar assures that that is not what he wants but everyone already gets started, stripping their clothes off, wearing gimp masks (Nicole Parker), using vibrators (Arden Myrin), and getting a camera out to film it all (Ike Barinholtz). The burglar, so freaked out by the group orgy partiers leaves the house in horror. The partiers continue to have sex just in case he comes back.

Credits: Bobby Lee (Man #1), Ike Barinholtz (Man #2), Nicole Parker (Woman #1), Michael Mcdonald (Anthony), Arden Myrin (Woman #2), Frank Caeti (John), Keegan-Michael Key (Burglar)

President Bush Requests Santa's Help *Claymation*
George W. Bush calls Santa in to deliver some packages to some "friends". A bag of bombs to Osama Bin Laden, a smart present that can be delivered from 3 miles away, and a "feisty" box to Nancy Polosi. Santa refuses to deliver them, but is blackmailed into it by George, who has an incriminating tape of Santa in a sex scandal. Santa is then escorted out at gun point by George's secret service agent.

Johnny Gan: Movie Review Show
Xing Lao "Johnny" Gan (Bobby Lee) reviews Little Miss Sunshine. He does not understand the movie because nobody got murdered with a chainsaw, everybody looked sad in it, and because nobody put anything inside Toni Collette (who Johnny thinks is Jessica Simpson). He says that if he was in the movie he would be doing it hard and sloppy with Jessica, the Johnny Gan way. He then reviews Dreamgirls, which he doesn't like because no one puts anything inside skinny Oprah (who is Beyonce Knowles). Johnny said that if he was in the movie, he would do her the Johnny Gan way, as she talks about her book club. In the next episode, Johnny will tell why he hates Apocalypto.

Credits: Bobby Lee (Xing Lao "Johnny" Gan)

Secret Santa #2
The next gift goes to Nicole Randall Johnson, who gets an aunt Jemima cookie jar. Nicole RJ demands to know who gave her the racist cookie jar. It turns out to be Arden, who got it due to her non understanding of black culture. Nicole RJ forgives Arden, before opening the cookie jar only to find menstrual pepper shakers. Nicole RJ and Jordan Peele then chase Arden off the stage. It is then clear to Nicole that another break is needed.

Credits: Nicole Randall Johnson (Herself), Jordan Peele (Himself), Crista Flanagan (Herself), Frank Caeti (Himself), Bobby Lee (Himself), Nicole Parker (Herself), Arden Myrin (Herself)

Saw 4: Jingle Hell
A bunch of people are invited to a Christmas party by an unnamed host. The lights then go dark and an image of a puppet appears on a television. He tells them that the eggnog they have been drinking expired last year, and the poison will kill them if they don't find the antidote. Whoever finds it, will be the star of the party. One partier (Keegan-Michael Key) dies right away. Jeffery (Michael McDonald) dies when his hand is cut off after stinking it down his stocking. Cal (Frank Caeti) dies when a sweater he assumes he needs to put on gets so itchy that he rips his guts apart. Darrah (Arden Myrin) dies when she is strangled by Christmas lights. All of these deaths are due to the puppet giving those clues that are misleading. When the puppet gives Raymond (Bobby Lee) a clue about kissing under the mistle toe, he uses a rickety ladder to get the clue, only to fall and impale himself on the Christmas star indicating that he is the "star" of the party. The whole thing is a trailer for the new Saw movie.

Credits: Michael McDonald (Jeffery), Bobby Lee (Raymond), Keegan-Michael Key (Man), Arden Myrin (Darrah), Frank Caeti (Cal)

Maury & Connie's All Star Christmas Spectacular #1
Maury Povich (Michael McDonald) and Constance "Connie Chung" Povich (Bobby Lee) host there holiday show, with Joy Behar (Nicole Parker) and the pig from Charlotte's Web coming by later. Before Joy and the pig come by, Maury and Constance pass the time by kissing under the mistletoe, and Constance putting the star on the tree while Maury looks under her dress. Joy and the pig then come by. The pig is proving feisty, and hard to get through the door. Maury compares it to trying to get Rosie O'Donnell to join Weight Watchers. Wanting to change the subject, Joy decides to give a Christmas toast but something stops her. In an unforeseen event the pig begins to defecate on the floor. Maury, Constance, and Joy begin to laugh uncontrollably. The text "A Christmas Surprise from Maury and Connie Happy Holidays!" come up and the sketch is done.

Credits: Michael McDonald (Maury Povich/Himself), Bobby Lee (Constance "Connie Chung" Povich/Himself), Nicole Parker (Joy Behar/Herself)

Tori McLachlan "Merry Xmas"
MADtv treats several kids from a local shelter with a song from Grammy award winning artist Tori McLachlan (Nicole Parker). The song is a down, and depressing song about Tori being dumped one Christmas and trying to kill herself by sticking her head in the oven, and trying to hang herself. As the song is being played the children look on in horror as the song traumatises them.

Credits: Arden Myrin (Herself), Nicole Parker (Tori McLachlan)

Frosty the Snowman [Animation]
The movie Frosty the Snowman is shown, but with a twist. Frosty is now melting due to greenhouse gasses, and Al Gore teaches the children about how the world is screwed by the earth getting hotter, the snow melting, and the oceans rising. As Frosty melts away, the area begins to fill with water. The kids try and climb the big Christmas tree in town but it is no use, and they are all washed away.

Secret Santa #3
Nicole, now just wanting to finish the secret Santa thing gives Crista Flanagan her gift, which is an engagement ring. Crista wonders if the ring is from Frank Caeti. Frank says no. With Bobby Lee being the only person left, Crista wants Frank to be sure that the ring is not from him. As she is doing this Bobby is getting down on one knee behind her. As she turns around to face Bobby, Bobby proposes. Crista says that she cannot marry someone who she has a restraining order against. Bobby then threatens to kill Crista if she refuses, and kills Frank to show how serious he is. Crista runs off the stage as Bobby chases her. Nicole gives a weak Merry Christmas message out to everyone, and the scene fades with Nicole singing Silent Night.

Credits: Nicole Parker (Herself), Crista Flanagan (Herself), Frank Caeti (Himself), Bobby Lee (Himself)

Jeff Probst Sings the Songs Inspired by "Survivor"
Jeff Probst puts down his conked shell, and picks up a mic to Sing the Songs Inspired by "Survivor", which includes songs like "Keep your Clothes on Fatty", a song about the racially divided cast with Dana "Queen Latifah" Owens (Nicole Randall Johnson), Gotta Find Food with Barry Gibb (Michael McDonald), and Outloved with Céline Dion (Nicole Parker). If you order the disc quickly, thrown in will also be the Theme Song from "Survivor". The votes are in, and he's fantastic!

Credits: Jeff Probst (Himself), Nicole Randall Johnson (Dana "Queen Latifah" Owens), Michael McDonald (Barry Gibb), Céline Dion (Nicole Parker)

Luann Lockhart: Christmas Luann
Ike Barinholtz introduces Luann Lockhart (Crista Flanagan), who tells bad jokes about Santa's sleigh, and fruitcakes. She then does some bad impressions of a reindeer, and her mother telling her that she looks like a hobo. She then talks about her boyfriend who despite telling her that she was disgusting in general still got a Christmas present from her. She begins to cry when she remembers her boyfriend not wanting to kiss her under the mistletoe because they were in public, and runs off the stage.

Credits: Ike Barinholtz (Himself), Crista Flanagan (Luann Lockhart)

Maury & Connie's All Star Christmas Spectacular #2
The ending that was interrupted by the pig is shown, with Maury, Constance, and Joy all gathering around the piano to sing Christmas carols.

Credits: Michael McDonald (Maury Povich), Bobby Lee (Constance "Connie Chung" Povich), Nicole Parker (Joy Behar)

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Starring:

• Ike Barinholtz (2A/1S/0W/0AF)
• Frank Caeti (4A/1S/0W/0AF)
• Crista Flanagan (2A/2S/1W/0AF)
• Nicole Randall Johnson (2A/1S/0W/0AF)
• Keegan-Michael Key (2A/1S/0W/0AF)
• Bobby Lee (3A/5S/0W/0AF)
• Michael McDonald (4A/2S/0W/0AF)
• Arden Myrin (4A/1S/0W/0AF)
• Nicole Parker (2A/6S/0W/0AF)
• Jordan Peele (2A/0S/0W/0AF)

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Guest Starring:

• Jeff Probst (0A/1S/0W/0AF)

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Special Appearances:

• Bryce Robinson (0A/1S/0W/0AF)

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Transcripts:

• Tickle Me Emo
• Tori McLachlan "Merry Xmas"
• Luann Lockhart: Christmas Luann

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Legend:

• (A)ppearance Credit
• (S)tarring Credit
• (W)riting Credit
• Non-Speaking Credit
• (A)rchival (F)ootage Credit

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[Rurry]

MADtv is in love with Jeff Probst. He's been on the show, what, 3-4 times at the least? He was on in the early seasons 1 or 2 times i think and I know he guested in Season 10 for the Lost parody. Im probably even missing stuff.

Anyway, the Maury/Connie thing didn't look too funny from the blooper outtake (besides the outtake itself) but eh, it was only about 1 minute, and it looked like it might have been from a dress rehersal or something. The Songs from Survivor thing...well, it's too early to tell for that. The Frosty thing sounds funny, although it IS animation, so who knows...

Also, according to the previews, there's some kind of Freddy Kruger Christmas thing or something, also.

[music_man86]

Originally Posted by Rurry

Also, according to the previews, there's some kind of Freddy Kruger Christmas thing or something, also.

I believe your referring to the "Saw" parady. That looks like it will be great!

[Rurry]

Originally Posted by music_man86

I believe your referring to the "Saw" parady. That looks like it will be great!

It does! Heh, anything parodying those stupid horror movies is good enough for me

[condemnedtoburn]

Originally Posted by Rurry

It does! Heh, anything parodying those stupid horror movies is good enough for me

heyheyhey... "those stupid horror movies." Saw was a GOOD horror movie

[Rurry]

Originally Posted by condemnedtoburn

heyheyhey... "those stupid horror movies." Saw was a GOOD horror movie

Eh, im not a horror movie fan.

[potroastpig]

I'm actually going to be able to watch this one! it will be the first one this season I'll be able to see! It better be a good one!

[Hypn0]

Darn, pretty much the same info that was revealed several days ago.

[Rurry]

This episode sounds like it's going to be good. Can't wait for the Saw parody.

[Hypn0]

Man, this thread needs a jump start ...

It looks like there will be a fake musical performance for this episode. This time, it's Nicole Parker as Tori McLachlan (cross between Tori Amos and Sarah McLachlan).

[Rurry]

Originally Posted by Hypn0d1scf4n

Man, this thread needs a jump start ...

It looks like there will be a fake musical performance for this episode. This time, it's Nicole Parker as Tori McLachlan (cross between Tori Amos and Sarah McLachlan). The performance has been uploaded on MADtv's official YouTube page.

For those who can't wait:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZICyN8MLVLQ

Nicole is great at pretty much anything she does. That was awesome.

[MADfan2004]

Sweet, I'm really looking forward to the fake musical performance and the Frosty the Snowman skit.

[King of Kings]

Was Nicole playing the piano in that sketch? She is very talented and has a great voice. I wonder what her flaws are.

[Cagnazzo]

Originally Posted by King of Kings

Was Nicole playing the piano in that sketch? She is very talented and has a great voice. I wonder what her flaws are.

She doesn't have a recurring character.

[King of Kings]

Disney Girl.

[Cagnazzo]

Technically, that's true, but I mean a 'signature' recurring character; Mo had Lorraine, Stephnie had Dot, Michael (still) has Stuart, and so on. Or they could just recur Disney Girl more often...then maybe I wouldn't bitch so much.

[MADfan2004]

Originally Posted by King of Kings

I wonder what her flaws are.

God only made one of her.

[Rurry]

Disney Girl has the potential to become a recurring character...I hope she does. Nicole really does have what it takes to make an awesome recurring character, but the producers don't see that I guess. We should write to them

I kinda think Disney Girl will be recurred again, Celebrity Obsessed aired around the same time Disney Girl did last season and they recurred CO this year...not to mention her first appearence was in Season 9 and her 2nd in Season 11.

Originally Posted by MADfan2004

God only made one of her.

[King of Kings]

A recurring character is not necessarily a good thing. It does not take long before they get old. Eventually they will become tedious and predictable, or worse, there will be a really crappy movies based on the characters that should have been made for television but due to the power of the producer gets released in theaters in hopes of becoming a launching platform for its stars’ movie careers as they bid their final farewell to the show, only to end up ruining the actors’ entire careers causing them to spiral hopelessly out of control on drug and alcohol binges until they are doing guest spots on Hollywood Squares, Pyramid, Disco Dance Party, Lick the Stick, and various other crappy syndicated daytime game shows created by the government to cheer up severely depressed people.

Originally Posted by MADfan2004

God only made one of her.

That's it. There isn't just one of her. For every talent there must be a deficit. For example, I can type 88 words per minute but I am illiterate. It is the way the universe works, balance in all things. There has to be two sides to every coin, four wheels on every car, eight corners on every stop sign, ten kilos of cocaine in my digestive tracts when I sneak across the Canadian border, thirteen orifices in every human body, and 23. By that flawless line of logic, I can only conclude that there must be an opposite version of Nicole out there, somewhere, beyond the veil.

[Cagnazzo]

Morgie, I'M GONNA GET YOU A TICKLE ME EMO DOLL FOR CHRISTMAS. Because I know you relate to that stuff.

This is shaping up to be a killer episode...