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  #1  
Old 12/27/2004, 9:22 AM
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Default Young Alanis (#213)

Cast
Bryan Callen..............Ian
Mary Scheer.............Teacher
Debra Wilson.............Alanis Morissette


Fade from black
Scene: School Auditorium
Caption: Gordon Lightfoot Elementary, 1984



Ian: ...and thatís why Gordon Lightfoot Elementary School is the best school in the entire planet, including the Maritime provinces. Thank you. (returns to seat)

Teacher: (gets up from seat and walks up to microphone) Thank you, Ian that was very nicely done. And now to help us celebrate Spirit Week here at Gordon Lightfoot Elementary School please welcome Miss Alanis Morissette. Alanis? (Alanis walks onstage)



Alanis, would you please recite your essay?

Alanis: (sighs) Iíd rather sing it.

Teacher: Very well.

Alanis: (sets down and turns on boom box; approaches microphone)



*singing* I want you to know, that I just failed my test.
I stu-died long and hard, I should have done the best.

(Alanis takes mic off stand and begins to move about the stage)
But no you gave me an 'F', and left me feeling breathed, oh Mr. Horton how on earth could you do this?



The kid who sits behind me, he cheated youíd have seen.
Does he have pictures of you with a donkey?





ĎCus the mark that you gave me, my grade got so low my report card now you know that I have to hide.
Know!
And now my futureís shot to hell, Iíll have to enroll in a beauty school and turn dressy.




On the side, Iíll use up your life.

And Iím here, to remind you




of the mess youíve made of my grades today.
Itís not fair, that the suck-ups passed, while you screwed up my whole GPA.
You- You- You- Really Blow!





I know the car that you drive, oh teacher will you survive,
When they put napalm in the tank of your Taurus?
A pipe bomb under your seat, will turn you into raw meat,
and send you singing with a heavenly chorus.




And I ho-ope, you remember,
that you donít cross me or thereís Hell to pay.
And youíll see-ee, all the favours,
can make memrons of my misery.
You- You- You- Really Blow!




(returns mic to stand ans walks offstage)

Teacher: (screams with shock; falls over on Ian who begins to cry for help)






Fade to black

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Last edited by ef_7; 01/07/2005 at 2:03 PM.
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  #2  
Old 12/27/2004, 9:51 AM
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I love this sketch.

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  #3  
Old 01/06/2005, 8:31 PM
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Default Re: Sketch: Young Alanis (#213)

Quote:
Originally posted by ef_7

Horpam from under your seat, will turn you into raw meat,
I think it's A pipe bomb under your seat...that's what it sounds like to me.

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Old 01/06/2005, 8:50 PM
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Default Re: Re: Sketch: Young Alanis (#213)

Quote:
Originally posted by LeachC


I think it's A pipe bomb under your seat...that's what it sounds like to me.
LOL, thats probably right, seeing as i completely made up the word 'Horpam'
Thanks Leach

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Old 01/06/2005, 8:52 PM
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Default Re: Re: Re: Sketch: Young Alanis (#213)

Quote:
Originally posted by ef_7

LOL, thats probably right, seeing as i completely made up the word 'Horpam'
Thanks Leach
LMAO...great word, tho...LMAO

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Old 01/06/2005, 8:55 PM
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LOL horpam....can you give it a definition, ef?
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  #7  
Old 01/06/2005, 8:58 PM
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Hor∑pam n.
A small fish like creature that can often be found under the driver seats of Taurus vehicles. It feeds on human skin and has an off-white colour to it.


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  #8  
Old 01/06/2005, 9:03 PM
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And now my futureís shut to hell, Iíll have to enroll in a beauty school and turn dressy.


I'm not being like...really picky or anything but its shot to hell.

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  #9  
Old 01/06/2005, 9:07 PM
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Quote:
Originally posted by DaNiKsTa48
And now my futureís shut to hell, Iíll have to enroll in a beauty school and turn dressy.


I'm not being like...really picky or anything but its shot to hell.
Thats not picky... but are you sure its shot? I think shut would make more sense, and thats what I'm hearing... But maybe I'm wrong?

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Old 01/06/2005, 9:09 PM
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Well I just think it's shot..because Ive heard that saying alot from different places, and i dunno.."shut" to hell doesnt really make sense to me. so yeah..lol

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  #11  
Old 01/06/2005, 9:10 PM
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Quote:
Originally posted by ef_7

Thats not picky... but are you sure its shot? I think shut would make more sense, and thats what I'm hearing... But maybe I'm wrong?
I think it's shot also...cause the phrase: "Shot to hell" is heard frequently here in america...idunno about canada tho...

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Old 01/06/2005, 9:17 PM
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shot to hell? What does that even mean?

Shut to hell would mean that she's doomed to hell now that "her grades are so low"

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  #13  
Old 01/06/2005, 9:22 PM
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Quote:
Originally posted by ef_7
shot to hell? What does that even mean?

Shut to hell would mean that she's doomed to hell now that "her grades are so low"
haha...they're basically the same thing. If you have like an old beat-up car, you can say it's shot to hell...so whatever you prefer would work, i guess...

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Old 01/06/2005, 9:33 PM
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I can change it... but I just swear that I hear shut... and it makes more sense to me

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  #15  
Old 01/06/2005, 9:41 PM
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YOU JUST CAN'T ACCEPT THAT YOU ARE WRONG, CAN YOU?!?!?!?



*explodes*



Also, here's another one that I would like to mention, even though I have only seen half the sketch, and don't even know if I'm right.


Quote:
can make memrons of my misery.
Memoirs?


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  #16  
Old 01/06/2005, 9:47 PM
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Quote:
Originally posted by Jim_Cockhurtz
YOU JUST CAN'T ACCEPT THAT YOU ARE WRONG, CAN YOU?!?!?!?



*explodes*



Also, here's another one that I would like to mention, even though I have only seen half the sketch, and don't even know if I'm right.


Memoirs?

LOL, I'm never wrong... haha

Its not memoirs, but its something with that meaning... not surprisingly, memrons is another made up word

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  #17  
Old 01/06/2005, 9:50 PM
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*gasps* No, really?

Can I get a definition?

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  #18  
Old 01/06/2005, 9:55 PM
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Quote:
Originally posted by Jim_Cockhurtz
*gasps* No, really?

Can I get a definition?
mem∑ron n.
1. Not quite memory, but not memoir either.
2. To be memronized

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  #19  
Old 01/07/2005, 6:15 AM
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I just now listened too and it's DEFINATELY "shot to hell".

"Shot to hell" IS the more commanly used and correct phrase too...

"shot to hell" (33,400 hits)
http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q...=Google+Search

"shut to hell" (82 hits)
http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&l...22&btnG=Search

Quote:
Originally posted by ef_7

LOL, I'm never wrong... haha

Its not memoirs, but its something with that meaning... not surprisingly, memrons is another made up word
Quote:
Originally posted by ef_7

mem∑ron n.
1. Not quite memory, but not memoir either.
2. To be memronized
You crack me up Eric.

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  #20  
Old 01/07/2005, 2:04 PM
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Ok, I changed it to shot... I'll just have you know that as a Canadian I have never heard that term used before, and seeing as it IS a sketch based in CANADA... lol jk

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