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  #1  
Old 06/07/2010, 9:50 PM
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Default I Saw The Hard Times of R.J. Burger, and Lived to Tell the Tale

In my life I have seen very few bad television shows. I am proud for that fact. But alas, I have heard some bad shows that I am glad I have never had to witness. My streak of not seeing any horribly bad shows has been pretty good, until tonight, because that entire streak was broken, when I sat down to watch the Hard Times of R.J. Burger (It only aired in Canada tonight). It was so bad that if you showed it to terrorists for information as interrogation they would get nothing because the terrorist would probably find a way to kill him/herself 10 minutes into the show. The only reason I stuck in for so long was because I has started watching it I thought it was so horrible that I should at least see it to the end to feel that I accomplished something. Needless to say I didn't, but maybe warning all of you not to watch it might be good enough.

Now I will say the only reason I watched this show was because the plot of the show seemed too horrible to believe. For those of you who don't know, it's a show about a nerdy kid with a large penis. I can't imagine how they pitched this to MTV and had it pass, but then I remembered that it was MTV.

But now to the show, this horrible horrible show that the only reason I am writing this is to get it out of my system, for I will surely kill myself if I don't get it out of my head. It starts off in a horrible, but yet just the way you would think way. R.J is masturbating to a drawn non-nude picture of a woman on a dragon, similar to Legend of the Seeker (believe me bw, it's not as hot as it sounds I was just looking for a connection) when his mom walks in and figures it out.

The scene then goes to the school where we find out that he really likes this hot girl who also seems to kind of like him in the way of an "as seen on tv, but would never happen in real life" way. He also gets beat up by stereotypical bullies, who clearly have seen too many 1950's high school movies.

Going back home, we find out that his parents are couple swapping, disgusting perverts who talk about having sex with other couples in front of him in the most nauseating and disgusting way that just made me cringe, like when they talk about eating each other out, which is really bad when they are not your parents but you still get disgusted.

We then get to the local school basketball game, where after a fight that suspends 4 players on the schools team, R.J is put in to sub for the last 21 seconds. The coach just tells him to just stand in one place so that he doesn't screw up the team, but through a bad luck situation, R.J gets the ball with 5 seconds left. He misses, but as he threw the ball his over-sized pants fell off. Now, for all of us, when our pants fall down in public our first reaction is to pull them up, but not R.J. He let's them stay down for 10 seconds until his jock strap falls off to reveal his large penis that shocked everyone, one girl to the point that she pulls out her hair (which seriously, unless his junk was the size of the Hubble Telescope, there is no reason to do that).

He later tells his close friend Miles that he considers his penis a curse. He then tells him a story (which is told in Japanese Anime for some reason) that a year earlier while a Japanese exchange student saw it and tried to give him a blow job, she chokes on his giant penis, and had to be sent to the hospital, which I can't see how you can accidentally do that.

Miles then tells him that Japanese girls were not meant to handle big American penises and told him that he has a gift, to which they decide to profit from by going to a party, where to turn a horribly horrible story short, Miles gets a girl drunk who pukes on him while he's in a hot tub with only his underwear, and R.J goes to his biggest bully and rubs his ball sweat under his nose to show him what a man smells like in front of the girl R.J likes and that's it.

Along with the mindnumbbing plot, the show also contains popular music playing for no reason and bleeped out swearing, which looks really bad for this show since it is not filmed like it can accept swears, so bleeping them out just looks bad, but what can you expect from such a bad show like this. I saw the Hard Times of R.J Burger, and lived to tell the tail, but I assure you that I will not be watching it again, as it was so bad I might not make it through again.

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Last edited by tvmanismadformad; 06/08/2010 at 12:43 AM.
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Old 06/07/2010, 11:49 PM
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"Lived to tell the tale."

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Old 06/08/2010, 12:41 AM
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I thought I spelled that wrong. Why do I keep not doing the spellcheck. I use to be consistant about that.

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Old 07/18/2010, 3:18 PM
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How can you have a show where the premise demands that someone see an underaged boy's penis at least once per episode?

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Old 07/18/2010, 8:39 PM
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I just can't get myself to watch this.
I flipped it o one night, some milf was trying to screw him, then the husband came in ad like, wanted a threesome.
I don't know.

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Old 07/19/2010, 3:36 PM
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What I hate about this show is that our main music channel Much Music is running THTR.JB and all the other shows on MTV and ABC Family except for Warren the Ape, the only good show on either network, which they moved to MTV 2, a network that I don't see any reason for anyone in this country to get. So I have to find what little torrents of the show are available out there. Fuck you R.J Burger!

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