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Will - Himself
Mo - Jasmine Alex - Unknown Character Name = UCN Jimi Englund - Drummer Will: Hello, I’m Will Sasso ![]() *Audience Cheer* Oh no no no no no, thank you, thank you Last Sunday, last Sunday I was hanging out at the Kindred Spirits Coffee House, you know, like I do every Sunday just watching the Ladies come and go and I uh, I saw this band that totally rocked my world. Now, we don’t usually have musical guests on the show, but I begged and begged and begged the Producers to have them on, uh and they said no So one drunken tantrum and two trashed dressing rooms later, I am pleased to bring to you Frieda O’Keefe! ![]() UCN: Thanks, how are you guys doing? ![]() Jasmine: Thank you! UCN: Alright, thanks, this song here is about the environment ![]() Jasmine: Vironment ![]() ![]() UCN & Jasmine: ![]() Said Smokey the Bear You’re the Toxic waste sign in my heart And don’t you even care? Cause Fill My Heart with dirt You’re an A-Hole and a flirt Ironise your dirty crime and so will I You’re a crappy dork and I hope you’ll die! And I’ll still by your beer! And I will pay your rent! I’ll ok that 3 way And My Smile is my good sense! ![]() Jasmine: WAIT! WAIT! WAIT! WAIT! UCN: And in the morning when I! Jasmine: Stop! *shakes the tamberine* sorry ![]() UCN: I lied, I lied Jasmine: I don’t believe in that song anymore because it’s about Ricardo and the 3 way ![]() ![]() UCN: There’s a microphone attached to your face and everyone can hear you ![]() Jasmine: I just I don’t believe in that song anymore you know because of that whole 3 way thing UCN: That’s fine Jasmine: *whispers* I'm sorry UCN: That’s fine, this rehearsal would've been a good time to tell me this. Let me fill, let you gus, I’ll fill you in a little bit um, Jasmine and I were working last Summer at the Subway Sub Shop as Sandwich Artists Jasmine: Artistes! *Shakes the tamberine* UCN: And uh, Ricardo was our Assistant Manager and he was a very proud and sexy Mexican-American man Jasmine: Sexy Mexican! UCN: And we both loved his mind and we shared his body It was a very Spiritual experience Jasmine: I just felt hung over and really sticky *whispering into UCN's Mic* I'm sorry Will: Hey, hey that’s a good story but play Cool Mossy Grass like you did back at the Coffee House! ![]() UCN: Okay, Will thank you very much for having us, Will: C'MON! UCN: in our time, in our time baby Jasmine: Quiet Will ![]() UCN: Anyway as it turns out Ricardo ended up with Jasmine, but that's because it was the summer she wasn't eating you know, whatever, so um, on that note ladies, if you have anorexia...please tell someone ![]() ![]() Jasmine: And EAT! Okay, but don’t talk while you’re eating because it’s rude ![]() and they won’t here your cry for help AHHHHHHH! ![]() UCN: You sound like a complete Idiot! You sound like a vacuous insipid air head! This is why people have no respect for female musicians, this right here, you! ![]() ![]() Alright this is a song about Sisterhood Will: COOL MOSSY GRASS! COOL MOSSY GRASS! Will & the Audience: COOL MOSSY GRASS! COOL MOSSY GRASS! UCN: Stop! Stop Will! We are women over here, we dictate our own lives! We are in complete control! ![]() Yes means yes! Jasmine: And No means....... ![]() UCN: So yes, we’ll uh, sing Cool Mossy Grass for ya Will: ABOUT FRIGGIN' TIME! YEEAH!!! ![]() UCN: Now this is a song we wrote, it’s called Cool Mossy Grass We wrote it and it’s called Cool Mossy Grass: ![]() ![]() ![]() Cool mossy grass I lay in you I take you in The bosom of the earth Smooth dripping dew You taste so sweet Like tofu meat You’re moist feminine girth Woman to woman ![]() ![]() I gently guide your hand ![]() Down to the forest The Sweet sweet mossy land ![]() ![]() Inside! Come inside! ![]() ![]() Come inside! My Heart! ![]() ![]() Will: Frieda O’Keefe! ![]() And you can just imagine what happens next, huh!? I’ll be in my dressing room for the next 7 minutes, good job! ![]() *Will goes to his dressing room, Frieda O'Keefe remain onstage and continue performing "Cool Mossy Grassy"* ![]() UCN & Jasmine: Woman to Woman I gently guide your hand Down to the forest ![]() *Fade out* --------------------------- Special Thanks to Heather (MOdonna) for providing me with this Awesome one off Sketch, Helping me with the Transcript and the great Screen Caps ![]() ![]() __________________ |
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#2
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This is one of my absolute favorite Madtv sketches
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#3
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![]() ![]() __________________ You got those giant, rock hard..torpedo lookin..bomby lookin fake tatas-Lida Dixie sometimes i feel like your my mom-Pool Boy Thats understandable considering all the time youve spent inside me!-Dixie Wetsworth It is not even the beginning of the end, but it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning..-Nicole Sullivan |
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