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  #1  
Old 05/19/2004, 6:17 PM
newt007's Avatar
newt007 Male newt007 is offline
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Default Literally: Baseball Game (#512)

Judith- Nicole Sullivan
Clyde- Michael Sullivan
Man- Jackson Douglas
Woman- Alex Borstein

(Clyde sitting in bleachers as Judith comes back with some popcorn)

Judith: Here's your popcorn, hun.

Clyde: Thanks. That took a long time.

Judith: Oh, yes it did, yes it did. That line was so long, it was literally like I lived in Kosovo and I'm waiting in a line for a little tiny piece of bread, literally.

Clyde: I know what you mean, 'cause, you were gone so long, it was like you were gone for a week.

Judith: Yeah.

Clyde: I mean, literally. It was like you left on a Monday, and it's a Monday again, but a week later.

Judith: Yeah.

Clyde: Literally.

(Man walks by really close to Judith and Clyde)

Judith: Okay, okay. That man just bumped into me so hard that I think he literally impregnated me.

Clyde: That literally qualifies as my first gay experience. Literally.

Judith: Yeah, literally.

(Woman walks into bleachers, now)

Woman: Hi guys.

Judith: Hi.

Clyde: Hi.

Woman: I'm Bobby's Mom. It's a big game for the boys, huh?

Judith: Okay, that woman is literally sitting so close to me, it is like she has a job and she's paid by how many inches her thighs overlap onto mine, like, literally.

Clyde: Uh, I consider you lucky because the gentleman to my right has what I would call a rancid odor.

Judith: Yeah.

Clyde: It is like somebody literally switched his face with his ass.

Judith: I'll tell you, sitting in these bleachers is an unqualified nightmare. I would literally rather be sitting in a pile of burning diapers, literally.

Clyde: And I literally think I know somebody who already is. (points over to man next to him)

Woman: You know what, fine, all right, I'll move over, give you a little room. (moves over)

Man: Yeah, me too. (moves over) Are you happy?

Clyde: Judith...

Judith: Yes, Clyde?

Clyde: That was possibly the most condescending statement I have EVER heard. It's like the two of them spoke to us as if we were a pair of small retarded ferrets.

Judith + Clyde: Literally.

Judith: I mean, their attitude is worse than a gay man's party when they run out of ice, which as everyone knows is a LOT of attitude.

Clyde: Yeah.

Man: Let's go Timmy!

Ref: Strike 1!

Man: C'mon let it go. Hit it out of the park!

Clyde: Someone should literally hit Timmy out of the park.

Judith: Oh, oh, literally!

Ref: Strike 2!

Judith: Clearly, this game is a debacle, I mean, they, they literally would've been better off replacing the entire line up with the cast of 60 Minutes and that cast is uncommonly old.

Clyde: Oh yes. Yes, I know. When I watch 60 minutes, I am literally watching Mike Wallis decay into a skeleton in front of my eyes.

Judith: Yeah.

Clyde: Literally.

Judith: Literally, literally.

Clyde: Literally.

Ref: Strike 3!

Judith: Okay, you see right there? (points to field)

Clyde: Mmm hmm.

Judith: Right there, Timmy, literally, right there, just now, Timmy, literally, just now, qualified for the special Olympics.

Clyde: Like, why did the coach even put him into the game?

Judith: I'll tell you why because clearly the coach is an...

Judith + Clyde: IDIOT!!

Man: You know, I've had about enough of you two.

Woman: Yeah, how 'bout we see how your perfect little children do.

Judith: Oh, we don't have any kids.

Clyde: We come here for the love of the game.

Judith: Yes, yes, yes. Baseball literally give me more pleasure than a couple of other balls that I'm intimately aquatinted with.

Judith + Clyde: Literally.

Judith: Literally.

Woman: You know, sitting here, listening to you talk is literally like having a root canal. It is lllllllliiiterally like, like I'm in Nicaragua and I'm receiving a root canal with no Novocain from an uncredited Nicaraguan dentist. And he's sawing at my gums slowly with a rusty old nail, picking...

Man and Woman: Literally!

Clyde: (talking to the man) You literally need to seriously reconsider that fact that you may not even be human.....

Judith: (talking to the woman) Your spanish accent is approximately as authentic, as Tommy Lee's.....

(Judith and Clyde continue making rude comments to the man and woman)

Narrative on screen: We literally could not come up with an ending for this sketch. Literally!

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Last edited by newt007; 08/16/2005 at 2:29 PM.
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  #2  
Old 07/29/2004, 6:11 AM
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funny_guy Male funny_guy is offline
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Quote:
Originally posted by newt007
Man- Extra
The extra who plays that guy is Jackson Douglas

Quote:
Originally posted by newt007
(Judith and Clyde begin making rude comebacks to the man and woman)
If you actually listen carefully you can sort of make out what they are saying here, its quite funny. Heres what i can make out:

Clyde: (talking to the man) You literally need to seriously reconsider that fact that you may not even be human..... ( i cant make out the rest)

Judith: (talking to the woman) Your spanish accent is approximately as authentic, as Tommy Lee's lump(?? not sure on the last word and she says more but again its hard to make out)

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  #3  
Old 06/05/2005, 4:07 PM
Texas Male Texas is offline
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Posts: 584
lmao, I love the literally sketches, this one and the school play are my favorite.
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  #4  
Old 08/16/2005, 8:39 AM
vokilj vokilj is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2005
Posts: 33
Default Kosovo

I think you mean Kosovo and not Colsovo
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