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Old 01/29/2009, 3:33 AM
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Default 3 Minute Tailgate (#1406)


Matt Braunger: Announcer #1/Michigan State Fan #2
Keegan-Michael Key: Announcer #2/Michigan State Fan #1
Crista Flanagan: Wendy Walker
Unknown: Brutis the Buckeye
Unknown: Announcer #3


(When something is in brackets and is italicized, that means it is a descriptive moment)


Announcer #1: Your watching the Food Network. Something to look at until they cut the roof off of your trailer and crane you fat ass out.

Announcer #2: It's 3 Minute Meal, with the queen of quick cuisine Wendy Walker.

Wendy Walker: Hi friends

it's football season, which means tailgate party season. I'm going to show you

how to make a tailgate classic, chili dogs (football hits Wendy in the head). Scott can you ask them not to throw balls around?

Well, it really doesn't seem like your doing (a cup of beer hits her)...

Michigan State Fan #1 (Off Screen): Go blue!

Wendy Walker: Fun fact. I don't follow football, but apparently were on the Michigan side of the parking lot, and I guess the wardrobe person has put me in the Ohio State sweater so we've had some colourful interaction this morning.

Michigan State Fan #1 (Off Screen): Kiss my ass Ohio State!

Wendy Walker: Would love to sir, but were on a time crunch. Let's start our 3 minute meal (time clock starts at the bottom left hand corner)! First things first, we need our hot dogs. Now these our frozen. I'm not sure why they are frozen because when you get hot dogs at the store there not frozen. Someone must have frozen them, Scott. It's ok, I will pry them apart with this knife (Wendy tries to break the hot dogs apart when something gets in her eye and she screams in pain). Oh my god I have a frozen hot dog splinter in my eye,

oh, ok it's, uh ok, let's get the grill started (She grabs the grill and it burns her. She drops it and burns her feet). Oh no, no, no! Oh my feet! Why was the grill already on! The hot dogs are frozen, and the grill is hot! It just doesn't make sense! Ok, let's uh, let's get the chili out of the car oh. I have

burned my feet so terribly (Wendy walks to the car), but you know what's not burned is the chili I made last night, and the key to any good chili is fresh meat. I hope I don't lose this toe (Wendy gets in the car. Car pulls up next to her and blocks her in). Sir you parked too close. Hey, no you parked too close. Sir you parked too close.

Michigan State Fan #2: Suck it Blowhio State (laughs)!

(Wendy opens the door which causes the car alarms on both the cars parked next to her to go off. With no other choice, Wendy takes the chili and climbs out the sunroof).

Wendy Walker: No, I'm fine, just stand and stare, it's just chili through the sunroof. I got it (Wendy gets pelted with footballs). Hey whoa (Wendy falls off the back of the car) not the

chili, not the chili (timer goes)! Ok, no hot dog (timer goes away), nothing to serve it in, but I got the chili out of the car and I count that as a victory. Oh, just in time for chili it's Brutis the Buckeye. Hey Brutis (He begins to grope her). Oh no, no. Oh you smell like vodka. No, I do not feel safe. Scott really your just going to stand there and watch this (Wendy pushes Brutis away). Join us next time for our 3 Minute (Van comes speeding up out of stage right and runs her over.)...

Announcer #3: 3 Minute Meal will no longer be seen at this time.

(Sketch ends).


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